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David Wild

David Wild

Posted: July 1, 2009 09:49 AM

The Great Issue of Our Times: Megan Fox or Jenny Sanford?

What's Your Reaction?

Now it may just be because I took my boys to Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen last night and then stayed up late watching MSNBC, but somehow I woke up this morning debating what I very briefly considered to be the great issue of our time: Megan Fox or Jenny Sanford?

If you haven't seen Transformers 2 -- and please don't on my account -- the movie's leading lady Megan Fox is somehow filmed as if she were a sort of nubile theme park created just for the male imagination -- and perhaps the female imagination too. The perfectly named Fox's first appearance in this major motion picture is literally like some leering Vargas wet dream come to life. My nine-year-old son didn't seem to notice much, but my eleven-year-old clearly averted his eyes long enough to see dad watching the movie screen just a little bit harder and quite rightly he laughed at me heartily.

Midway through the film, Stevie Nicks -- a truly beautiful woman inside and out who I've loved since high school -- called to discuss Michael Jackson for a special issue of Rolling Stone that's coming right up. So I found myself sneaking out to lobby and recording our talk about Michael, music, fame and life as the absurdly loud sounds of endless transformer battles bleed loudly through the theater walls.

That was a good thing. As my kids could tell you, I'm probably too old to be watching to spend much time sitting in the dark leering at Megan Fox. That point came home to me late last night when, having put the kids to bed with my lovely wife and finished my work for the evening, I watched some of latest coverage of Governor Mark Sanford's bizarre and humiliating confessions du jour.

Frankly, I don't know enough about this man's politics to offer any opinion here about him as a Governor on the Huffington Post. But as a married man, I know this much: Sanford is not only smug and sanctimonious, but also a total embarrassment to every other grown up male human being. And so with the power invested in me as another lucky schmuck who married well, I hereby call upon Mark Sanford to immediately resign -- not just as Governor of South Carolina, but also as a married man in decent standing too.

And while recognizing that it's absolutely none of my business, Governor, I also can't help but notice that your wife Jenny Sanford seems both very cool and kind of hot. To be fair, I don't know much about Mrs. Sanford either, but I'm pretty sure about this: she is way too good for some creepy, lying idiot like you.

So ultimately, I've come to realize that my God didn't put me here on earth to pass any judgment whatsoever on Jenny Sanford or Megan Fox. Rather, I'm here only to offer this supposedly spiritual but clearly self-obsessed schmuck named Sanford one solid piece of guidance -- direct from one married man to another: Covet Thy Own Wife.

 
 
 

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