The Great Issue of Our Times: Megan Fox or Jenny Sanford?

Now it may just be because I took my boys to Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen last night and then stayed up late watching MSNBC, but somehow I woke up this morning debating what I very briefly considered to be the great issue of our time: Megan Fox or Jenny Sanford?

If you haven't seen Transformers 2 -- and please don't on my account -- the movie's leading lady Megan Fox is somehow filmed as if she were a sort of nubile theme park created just for the male imagination -- and perhaps the female imagination too. The perfectly named Fox's first appearance in this major motion picture is literally like some leering Vargas wet dream come to life. My nine-year-old son didn't seem to notice much, but my eleven-year-old clearly averted his eyes long enough to see dad watching the movie screen just a little bit harder and quite rightly he laughed at me heartily.

Midway through the film, Stevie Nicks -- a truly beautiful woman inside and out who I've loved since high school -- called to discuss Michael Jackson for a special issue of Rolling Stone that's coming right up. So I found myself sneaking out to lobby and recording our talk about Michael, music, fame and life as the absurdly loud sounds of endless transformer battles bleed loudly through the theater walls.

That was a good thing. As my kids could tell you, I'm probably too old to be watching to spend much time sitting in the dark leering at Megan Fox. That point came home to me late last night when, having put the kids to bed with my lovely wife and finished my work for the evening, I watched some of latest coverage of Governor Mark Sanford's bizarre and humiliating confessions du jour.

Frankly, I don't know enough about this man's politics to offer any opinion here about him as a Governor on the Huffington Post. But as a married man, I know this much: Sanford is not only smug and sanctimonious, but also a total embarrassment to every other grown up male human being. And so with the power invested in me as another lucky schmuck who married well, I hereby call upon Mark Sanford to immediately resign -- not just as Governor of South Carolina, but also as a married man in decent standing too.

And while recognizing that it's absolutely none of my business, Governor, I also can't help but notice that your wife Jenny Sanford seems both very cool and kind of hot. To be fair, I don't know much about Mrs. Sanford either, but I'm pretty sure about this: she is way too good for some creepy, lying idiot like you.

So ultimately, I've come to realize that my God didn't put me here on earth to pass any judgment whatsoever on Jenny Sanford or Megan Fox. Rather, I'm here only to offer this supposedly spiritual but clearly self-obsessed schmuck named Sanford one solid piece of guidance -- direct from one married man to another: Covet Thy Own Wife.

Follow David Wild on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@Wildaboutmusic

Comments

[tc2598]

David, I liked everything about your article except this: For god's sake, man. Even if you know Stevie Nicks and she has your number, you're still supposed to turn that thing all the way off in the movie. I know, I know, I know, but look in your heart. You know it's true. You're watching a movie and your kids are right there, so you know they're safe. Stevie Nicks can leave a message just like anyone else.

By the way - and I find this hilarious but you might not - a long time ago you wrote a review of an album by a band called the Toll from Columbus, Ohio. And I was about seventeen, and I incorrectly thought the Toll was awesome. So I got really vocally mad at you when I was in high school long ago. You happen to remember those guys? Brad Circone was the lead, and he had a sort of pretentious spoken word rant he'd break into, like he thought he was Jim Morrison?

Anyway, nothing against Megan Fox, but your title is interesting because it seems to reference the Madonna (loving wife) and the... Megan Fox. And you thought of it after waking from your dreams. I think that means your healthy. And you came down on the side of the loving wife - so you're super duper healthy.

[tlalat]

There are always two sides to every story. Mark Sanford is a man who obviously has difficult issues in his life. His rambling on reveals deep cognitive dissonance in his spirit between what he believes is right and what he did. If he had a hard conscience he would have done a Guiliani or Spitzer. He did not.
If the marriage had passion and life, it is unlikely that he would have sought company elsewhere. Nobody notices how confused and remorseful he is and that is why it seems like he is all over the place. Jenny Sanford meanwhile is all cool, calculated and independent. Could a cool and passionless marriage have been a contributor to his dalliance? Or is it politically incorrect to say that it takes two hands to clap?

[tdpubs]

I have to say that the first clue that Sanford was straying was when I heard that he had four children and did not show up for Father's day. Sorry but saddling a woman with four kids will kill any romantic interest in a marriage. Ask the couple from the TV series about having eight kids!

Check in with Mel Gibson and other men who think that a woman can take care of their kids and still look like a supermodel while putting up with their husband's crappy ego trips. These men still think that they live in the 1950's.

If a guy is self delusional, it is the worst thing in the world for the survival of his marriage. I don't know anything about Jenny Sanford either but I'll bet on the fact that she's the brains of that marriage and if she's smart, she'll organize her goals, figure out what's best for herself and the kids and lay the law down on that clown's head.

We've seen this movie before when Secretary Hillary Clinton attacked the problem behind closed doors. Now former President Bill Clinton must ask permission to pee in order to obtain use of his man parts. Just a warning to self delusional spouses.

[IWantTofu]

I was at a buddy's wedding the other day. And when they were at the part of honor and obay, till death do you part, etc., my mind began to wander. I was thinking, "didn't you make the same eternal promise to your first wife?"

Later, this Sanford thing started to break. Sitting in my recliner, while dozing off to the drone of one of those 24/7 cable talking heads, my thoughts went back to that marriage oath thing again. If a man would break an oath to his wife, who is supposed to be his life partner with such impunity, what should we think of his ability or willingness to keep his oath to uphold the laws of the state of SC? Is the state of SC for whatever reason more important to him than his wife? Where does the sanctity of marriage fit into all of this? And where is Megan Fox when I really need her?

[Benton]

Apples and oranges. People have lied about sex from the beginning of time. It does not matter whether they were a rouge or a saint in other affairs. Something like one in ten people are fathered by a man other then the one believed to be the father. People lie about issues of sex. No only that, there are those that have not lied about sex simply because they have had limited opportunity and temptation, and not out of some sense of morality or honor.

[shadowgm]

The reason there's a focus on Sanford's 'love story' is that it directly impacted his performance as the governor of South Carolina.

In addition to lies piled on top of lies, spiritual advisors who seem to be justifying a 'lack of passion' as a green light to copuate with another woman outside of your marriage, and ramblings about crossing the line but not *crossing the LINE* ... Sanford's marital infidelity led him to abandon his post as governor.

And it was in such a manner that had there been a natural disaster or even a significant man-made accident, he would have been unable to respond in a timely fashion, because he'd left the country.

So, yes, Sanford's dereliction of duty is the foremost issue, but as more information becomes available about his affairs, we're better able to understand the scope of the problem.

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

And with everyone calling upon him to resign, I sense his argument is, "But I don't WANT to!"

[TRYKER]

It looks like the guv is trying to get his wife to say: "just go to Argentina already and get off the TV". She doesn't want to let him go and he needs her to just "have had it!!" so he can escape the family and fly away to So Am.
Sanford has a book contract doesn't he? Is this all about creating buzz for this " guv's life and love story" and all this talk of soul mates is just to make sure you read that chapter? He's talking like he is writing it in his head and it's coming out his mouth without him even knowing it.
What kind of drug is he on? Something is way off kilter with this man, he is falling apart. Someone needs to take him to a retreat and chill him out. If he doesn't shut up, Maria isn't going to want him either.
And Mrs. Sanford wants to work on their marriage? Is she a fundamentalist? Is she as whacky as he is?
"...trying to fall in love with my wife again" ? That should have clinched the separation.

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm trying to fall in love with Governor Sanford again, but it's not working

[marko77]

But...but.­...but....­he's King David Lite!!!!!

[UkieOlie]

Book deal cancelled.

[slaxx]

i think part of his behavior is a mid-life crisis.

[whistling]

Excuse me for deviating from the fan club, but:

To describe a grown woman as "some leering Vargas wet dream" or "kind of hot" as simply belittling.

This is exactly the sort of language that creates a culture in which Mr. Sanford can describe fooling around with women as "blowing off steam." We are not here for recreational diversion or visual titillation. We are here, and still working against great odds, to live in a safe and equitable environment as full citizens.

Forgive me if I lack the ample humor to take in these remarks like "one of the boys," but language defines not only our minds but our future.

If you think a movie objectifies a woman, I ask you kindly to take your sons to see something else. One day they'll be the guys I pass on the street, and I'm sick of being leered at.

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

As far as I know, there is no OW movie rating that reveals in advance that a movie Objectifies Women, but sorry if I offended,

[shadowgm]

With all due respect, the problem is more than a culture/language that objectifies women.

I went to see the movie 'Hitman' - an R-rated film based on an M-rated videogame. The film is violent, as one might expect for a tale about a world-class assassin, with headshots, arterial spray, and lots of blood.

Partway through the film is a scene where a woman tries to seduce the title character. He, having been raised in an isolated environment focused solely on assassination, has very little social aptitude. The woman removes her top ...

... and that's where a family got up to leave, with the parents escorting two kids who had to be no more than 12 years old, out of the theater. So arterial spray is just fine, but the exposed breasts of a grown woman are a big no-no.

Have you considered that the language is an outgrowth of fear? Could it be that the language, the crude humor, the manner in which men regard women - reducing them to objects of gratification or idols to be worshipped for the sole purpose of same - is because we are afraid and don't understand why the sight of a beautiful woman deprives us of higher brain function?

Ignoring the language won't make it go away any more than trying to define 'traditional marriage' through legislation will save Mark Sanford's marriage.

[tdpubs]

Sorry, my wife tells me that I'm kinda' hot. I consider her my Vargas wet dream and there ain't no belittling goin' on in my house. I don't usually call her that because she would know who Alberto Vargas is. The point is that we are wired as animals to feel these things.

I think that Megan Fox is kinda' hot and so does my wife. My kids are of the age where the youngest doesn't care and my oldest is too embarrassed to admit that he thinks that she's hot too.

I'm sorry that you are sick of being leered at but we live in an objectified world. Humans and animals use objectification for both mating and security. Even the Taliban understand that fact and insists that women cover themselves from head to toe because they are afraid of their own feelings and the feelings of others.

As much as I will defend your right to never be harassed or treated differently for being attractive, I will defend the right of other people to admire your attractiveness. We can all get along if we try.

[chris stand]

Ms. Whistling,

I am not sure if you understand the value of an attractive women but ask your dad. I'm sure he will remind you why/how he first met your mom.

If attractiveness was not a virtue - Victoria`s Secrets would sell burlap bags instead and there would be no women going in the front doors. Happily for me and other fellows neither of those are the case.

[roads]

Some where... out there, Bill Clinton is laughing his a$$ off at these hypocritical conservati­ves.....lo­l.

Ahhh....it's good to have the last laugh.

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

That's the current last laugh
They seem to be coming fast and furious

[skippypicasso]

Speaking of violations, isn't Thou Shalt Not Name-Drop in there somwhere?

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

This from a guy who calls him picasso?
Actually, I'm not sure if that's name-dropping -- I'll have to ask Angelina or Brad.

[skippypicasso]

It would have been one thing to say you put Stevie Nicks on ignore while going to the movies with your kids, but sneaking off to the Appalachia­ns--albeit with Stevie to talk about Michael on the celly--was not really germane to any point you could have been trying to make about the cheating guvner. Your larger point regarding wives couldn't be more apt, just a bit lost in the meanderings. And although I paint like a Dutch Boy rather than a Dutch Master, the only numbers I have programmed on my cell phone are my home number and my wife's cell.

[TotallyAmazed]

Honestly, I thought the bulk of the Sanford story ended the day of his first news conference. What else is there to find out, I thought, other than the information about the trips to Argentina and how they were financed.

Shows you what I know.

Every day since there's been one or more news conferences with the Gov. giving us more and more answers to questions no one asked. He obviously knows zero, nada, zip about women. I shouldn't say that because my feeling may be totally different from how his wife is feeling about this mess, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want some lout to 'try to fall back in love with me', after he's just told the world that he's found a soul mate and she doesn't live in our house.

She seems to be the one person in this fiasco who has kept their head on straight.

Good people do stupid things and things that can hurt. But, the more the Gov. talks I have to wonder why Jenny Sanford would want him to fall back in love with her. He seems more pathetic these days, than good.

[Eric Daniels]

Mr. Wild,

Mark Sanford violated the most important of the "players rules" he got caught up in his own contridictions of personal morality and sexual sin which are both fodder for musicians like Marvin Gaye and Prince. A lothario would not have cared what his wife thought nor how it would have affected his career. As you can see during the press conference the first person he asked forgiviness was his mistress not his wife , kids or the people of South Carolina. His wife is stronger than him which is not surprising , like many conservatives Sanford started a culture war of values he could not live by himself.

[BillZBubb]

Actually, Sanford is the perfect man for Jenny Sanford. She is a right wing true believer, just like the Gov. They deserve each other.

[Hammerofthor]

Given the choice, I'll take Maria Chapur over Jenny or Megan. Just sayin...

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Please write when you're given the choice, Hammer.

[kathy001]

"Covet Thy Own Wife"

LOL!! This is just too good - and too right. I think I'll take up needlepoint just so that I can stitch it on a sampler. Wish I'd had one like it to hang over my bed years ago. Years and years and years........well, you get the picture.

[notadumbblonde]

I'm not sure why Jenny Sandford wants to reconcile, other than for her children, but I truly believe it is too late for that; while I am all for doing the right thing for the kids, this marriage is irretrievable, IMHO, as the goof has stated the mistress is his soulmate; Jenny has no chance; plus, she is too good for him, and a wonderful role model in her own right.

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm not sure my wife would like me to call her my "soulmate," but I'm pretty confident she wouldn't want me saying it about anybody else.
Who knew politicians could be such jerks? Well, everyone I guess.

[tdpubs]

"I left my soul mate to be with my wife". Man; I would be far underground if my wife heard that.

O.K. just kidding but you get the picture, no one wants to be the second string player. No one wants to get out of bed each morning and feel that they were sloppy seconds.

If we can't agree to keep our opinions to ourselves Governor Sanford, perhaps we don't understand what marriage is all about. Perhaps we need to get some therapy.

I wonder how he answers the question, "does this dress make me look fat?"
This man needs a new spiritual adviser.

[ReesieKitty]

Hear, Hear! This was funny and honest- and TRUE!

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks ReesieKitty -- all qualities I at least aspire to -- and I think I definitely beat Sanford there