You Better Sit Down Kids: An Only Mildly Exploitative Playlist for Jon & Kate Plus 8

So I watched my very first episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 last night. Frankly I haven't been so completely confused and pissed off by a parental break up since my folks split back when I was in middle school. To their credit, however, Jon & Kate's highly promoted separation got much better ratings in the key demos than my folks. Way to pimp the whole family for fun and profit, you two!

Frankly, I didn't like Jon or Kate enough to bother making either of them a playlist here. On the other hand, all of those kids seemed awful cute -- which their otherwise feuding parents apparently agree should be their full time job from birth.

Listen, I'm a parent myself, and I have no desire to get into the Gosselin family business and exploit those kids further. But when all those overexposed boys and girls turn eighteen, I pledge to burn the following songs and have them airdropped into whatever compound the family is then holed up in filming the pilot episode of "The Plus 8 Go On Their First Dates" for The Non-History Channel.

"You Better Sit Down Kids" -- Cher
"Parents Just Don't Understand -- DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
"Lost Cause"-- Beck
"D-I-V-O-R-C-E" -- Tammy Wynette
"Use Me" -- Bill Withers
"He Stopped Loving Her Today" -- George Jones
"Tunnel of Love -- Bruce Springsteen
"Split Decision" -- Eric Clapton & Steve Winwood
"Where Do The Children Play" -- Cat Stevens
"The Price of Love" -- The Everly Brothers
"Busy Being Fabulous" -- The Eagles
"Do It For The Kids" -- Velvet Revolver
"Bless The Beasts And Children" -- The Carpenters
"Insignificant" -- Counting Crows
"I Saw It On TV" - John Fogerty
"The Kids Are Alright" -- The Who

Any other ideas, kids?

Comments

[drewziGNY]

Couple more....

"TV" Flying Lizards
"Money (That's What I Want)" Barret Strong/Flying Lizards
"God Bless The Child" Billie Holiday
"One Less Bell To Answer" The Fifth Dimnsion
"Nothing But Heartaches" The Supremes
"Kiss Off" Violent Femmes
"Kill Your Television" Ned's Atomic Dustbin
"Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye" Steam
"The Winner Takes It All" ABBA
"When All Is Said And Done" ABBA
"You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" Righteous Brothers/Hall and Oates
"Family Man" Hall and Oates
"The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore" The Walker Brothers

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

"Family Man" -- good one

[drewziGNY]

Here's a few I can think of....

"Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast" Wayne Newton
"Divorce Song" Liz Phair
"Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" Neil Sedaka
"Bad Blood" Neil Sedaka
"Shut Up And Let Me Go" The Ting Tings
"My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)" En Vogue
"Tainted Love" Soft Cell
"Two Tribes" Frankie Goes To Hollywood
"A Little Time" The Beautiful South
"Hit The Road Jack" Ray Charles
"Fortress Around Your Heart" Sting
"Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" Culture Club
"Don't You Want Me" Human League
"No One Is To Blame" Howard Jones
"(I've Got To) Runaway" Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
"You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" Dusty Springfield
"The Breakup Song" Greg Kihn
"If She Knew What She Wants" The Bangles

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

love The Beautiful South

[ReesieKitty]

Unfortunately, I don't think 'The Kids Are Alright' really...
What I am absolutely amazed at, is that the state of PA has not appointed a Guardian ad Litem to look after the interests of these children, as their parents are obviously NOT placing the children's emotional well-being ahead of their own financial interests. I got divorced a few years ago, when my son was around the age the Gosslin kids are now. Even a polite, amiable breakup is INCREDIBLY hard on a child. It is absolutely abusive to force these children to maintain their 'public' TV show personas during this mess. The network should not be permitted to keep filming, regardless of what the parents say they want. I work in the advertising industry- if Jon and Kate really had wanted to make sure their children had money for college, etc. there are so many other ways they could have done individual advertisements or product endorsements, etc. that would have been healthier and much less invasive for these poor kids. The Jackie Coogan law needs to be updated to protect minors whose parents force them onto reality tv for financial gain.

[UrbanEnnui]

O Children - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

(Too bleak?)

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Too bleak?

You mean the song -- or the show?

[UrbanEnnui]

Ha. Good one. Though I meant the song.

I was thinking of lines like these:

Forgive us now for what we've done
It started out as a bit of fun
Here, take these before we run away
The keys to the gulag

and

We have the answer to all your fears
It's short, it's simple, it's crystal dear
It's round about, it's somewhere here
Lost amongst our winnings

Love your columns, by the way. Fun and informative. A very nice break from the day to day.

[Surferspudz27]

Okay, more songs to contribute for this topic... This is fun/funny, except for the fact that there aree eight innocent kiddos pimped out by their parents for the sake of their unrelenting quest for the "Allmighty Dollar"! Our collective songs make for quite a playlist, yes? I would be mortified if these song titles were used to sum up the story of my life (no pun intended) and/or marriage, but go figure that of all people, the Pussycat Dolls come to mind with their lyrics, " Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it"!

For the husband, how about the Allman Brothers' "Whipping Post"? The Led Zeppelin influence is alive and well with this family as witnessed by: "Dazed and Confused"; "Communication Breakdown"; "Your Time is Gonna Come"; "Ten Years Gone"; and finally with "What it is and Never Should Be".

Other Honorable Mentions include: "Evil Woman"; "I'm Not In Love"; "Running On Empty"; "Ship of Fools"; "Shame"; and on behalf of the older twin girls, "That's Just the Way We Roll" by the Jonas Brothers!

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

"Almighty dollar" is right, so may I add the greatest song ever with that phrase

"For The Love Of Money" by the OJays?

[spikemom]

I'm So Happy I Can;t Stop Laughing - Sting

You Were Mine - Dixie Chicks

Angry All the Time - Tim McGraw

Heart of the Matter - Don Henley

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Love the Henley song, but who are we forgiving here?

DW

[Basil]

How 'bout "It Happens Everyday" -- Carley Simon

[RobinLandseadel]

Oh-oh-oh- or "That's the Way I've Alway Heard it Should Be"

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

One of my favorite Carly songs.

[RobinLandseadel]

For your dining & dancing pleasure:

"Live With Me": Stones
"In This House That We Call Home": X
"Knowing Me, Knowing You": ABBA
"Overs": Simon & Garfunkel
"Beautiful Child": Fleetwood Mac
"It's Too Late": Carol King
"For No One": Beatles
"Circle Game": Joni Mitchell
"Price Of Temptation": Rosanne Cash
"Killing Floor": Howlin Wolf
"At Seventeen": Janis Ian
"Nothing Can Be Done": Joni Mitchell*
"I'll Feel a Whole Lot Better": Byrds
"Wrecking Ball": Emmylou Harris
"It's Over"; Roy Orbison

*Possibly the Reigning Queen of the kiss-off.

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Roy Orbison singing "It's Over" is a great opera
These two seem more soap opera.
Good call on the Byrds.

[BlackJAC]

You forgot the following:
* "Brilliant Disguise" by Bruce Springsteen
* "Alimony" by Weird Al Yankovic
* "You Don't Love Me Anymore" by Weird Al Yankovic
* "Love Stinks" by J. Geils
* "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" by Spin Doctors
* "Mary Lou" by Bob Seger
* "Cold Hard Bitch" by Jet

[kathy001]

"Mary Lou" Great choice!

[Surferspudz27]

There are so many appropriate songs in this sham of a situation!

Unpretty-TLC
Stop Your Sobbing-The Pretenders
Stupid Girl-Garbage
She's So Cold, Sympathy for the Devil, You Can't Always Get What You Want, _itch-Rolling Stones
Don't Come Around Here No More-Tom Petty
You're So Vain-Carly Simon
Living On Video-Trans X
We Won't Get Fooled Again-The Who
You're No Good-Linda Rondstadt
Love Is A Battlefield-Pat Benatar
Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)-Green Day
What A Fool Believes-The Doobie Brothers
Everybody Hurts-R.E.M.
We Don't Get Along-The Go-Go's
Brand New Lover-Dead or Alive
Nowhere Girl-B-Movie
Story of My Life-Social Distortion
Reelin' in the Years-Steely Dan

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

The Spin Doctors and Jet song just got a new life

[walterrob]

And for the 'rents, "When I Write The Book" by Nick Lowe since the are cashing in on their fifteen minutes of fame.

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Can't get enough Rockpile.

DW

[LMPE]

"I'm So Tired" - The Beatles

That's because I'm so tired of hearing about Jon & Kate

[kathy001]

"God Bless The Child" - Blood, Sweat & Tears (or Liza or Tony Bennet, etc., etc., etc.)

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Always a classic

[walterrob]

"Love Hurts" but the version by Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Good choice
Though I love Everly Brothers and Nazarath's version too

[Holypat777]

House Burning Down - The Jimi Hendrix Experience
Digital B*tch- Black Sabbath (That one's for Kate)
I don't care about you- Fear

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

I don't know that Black Sabbath song, but it sounds sweet

[kapalabhati]

"Teach Your Children" CSNY

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Or at least "Teach Your Children Better"

[Aramingo]

The End - The Doors (Father? Yes Son?)

[David Wild - Huffpost Blogger]

Jim might have had a bigger hit if he called it "The Hiatus"