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If You're not Smooching, You're Loosing... A Beleaguered Male's Perspective

03/28/2012 06:06 pm ET | Updated May 28, 2012

If You're not Smooching, You're Loosing....A Beleaguered Male's Perspective

Smooching, when meshed with the intimacy of sex, has the dynamic propensity to keep your relationship strong through touch and feel and better communication day after day, year after year. So begins one more saga on the importance of romance in relationships, as dreamed of and shared from this beleaguered, Pollyanna males perspective. I've already been hammered by my female "proof readers" over this storyline, so please take it with a grain of salt. When you, "the apples of our eyes," utter the words "yeah, right" under your breath and consider the "truisms" set forth, know that I'm only looking out for your "best interests" and those of your men.

A study from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality conducted by Dr. Ted McIlvenna looked at the sex lives of 90,000 American adults. He found that sexually active people take fewer sick leaves and generally enjoy life more. How great is that, more joy and more time at work? One out of two is not bad, I guess.

It's far more than sex we're talking about here, its smooching,too. Smooching as defined by me in this read is the intimacy we create through holding, kissing, hugging and talking to each other. All of which are necessary components, when utilized repetitively and unselfishly, to maintain the health and well being of our own personal relationships.

Hang in here with me ladies, as I attempt to discuss -- from a male perspective -- the overall and long range benefits of saying yes, even when your first and almost always natural response is no, not now, I have a headache, the kids are awake, I'm not in the mood, is that really all you ever think about, along with a myriad of other responses in many unknown languages and guttural sounds, that I have neither the time, nor the paper on which to state.

Gentlemen, you, too, are welcome to follow along, but since I've brought up the word sex, I know you're already way ahead of me in this read, looking for another magic bullet that might enhance your relationship, coax her to say yes and rock your world up too 20 minutes at a time, at least once every other day.

Ladies, this male enhanced storyline is really just for you. According to an article from Dr. Oz, "the average male in America has sex once a week, so by translation, roughly, once a week for women as well. And so we looked at the data on sexuality and longevity and this is data from two different studies, one was from North Carolina, a large study done at Duke in the early '60s. The other one was from Caerphilly, Wales, where they followed populations out. It turns out for men, if you can double your sexual activity from once a week to twice a week, you will live on average about three years longer. Now, I'm not saying because you're having more sex, you're living longer. But men who have more sex do live longer."http://www.starpulse.com/news/Fred_Topel/2009/08/12/dr_oz_says_more_sex_will_save_your_life_

Being the beleaguered male that I am, I jumped all over these profound words of "wish-dom" and am honored to expound on them right here right before your eyes. Please, before you cringe and leave this page, allow me to plead my argument. Notice I used the word plead, a familiar word both spoken and unspoken to the male of our species. Besides, is that not what most men do after being in a long, long term relationship, when they're trying to have romance with you?

I'm not a high math person, but I do have a calculator on my blackberry, so I'm going to share some startling numbers with you. Let's suppose the average romantic encounter takes approximately twenty minutes out of your very busy and overwhelming daily schedule. Surely, two times a week is not unreasonable? Don't answer that just yet, humor me and my humbled male ego and play along. That's only 40 minutes out of every 10,000 minutes in a week. From a numbers perspective, that equates to the minute percentage of just .004. Come on, dangle along with me just a little more, for you will soon see the method to my male, non Viagra-influenced, madness.

Now let's go a step further. More like, lets go hopping and skipping and jumping. Excuse me, but I get excited just talking about smooching. If a man knows he's going to have romance with you tomorrow, it's more than likely he is going to be nicer today in anticipation of things to come. That means you're pretty much assured of getting some of that honey do list done over the next 1,440 minutes, along with another 1,420 minutes tomorrow to remind him to tie up any loose ends, no inference or disrespect meant. Notice your entire day has only been shortened by mere twenty minutes; precious, quality minutes that have been set aside for your "bonding time."

Let's take this even further. Perish the thought on scheduling romance, but if it can work to your advantage, why not? Pick two days out of six when you hopefully will be available and I'll again use the blackberry to calculate the numbers. We'll use Tuesday and Friday to start. Monday is here and I'm having romance tomorrow, means whatever you want dear, I'm going to do my best to be here for you. Tuesday arrives, today is the day, I might even cook or take you out; hey I might just pick you up flowers on the way in from work. Don't go gaga on me; I can use that word, can't I, without referring to the female entertainer, whom I have never actually seen behind the feathers and the masks? Ponder deeply this next statement for it reaches deep within and potentially far beyond your comfort zone. Men with tongues wagging and lust in their hearts are emotionally handicapped and prone to do many "sometimes stupid, unexpected things," especially if they know that the potential for a romantic interlude is on the horizon.

Moving on, Wednesday has dawned and the glow, I hope, somewhat remains. Now Friday is on the way and Thursday breaks, starting another potential cycle of gratitude, bonding and togetherness. If this is constantly repeated on a six day cycle, I, as a man, just can't make this work in seven, because the formula is then skewed towards you. Unless, of course, we take Sundays off for personal time, like fishing, football, basketball and Nascar. Can you fathom, beyond your, "yeah right," widest dreams that you have within your power to potentially have your man at your beck and call for almost 8,600 minutes? We all have an opportunity to win here, because with each twenty uninterrupted minute cycle, we touch, we hold we snuggle and, lastly, we communicate. We're making progress here in promoting a healthy and long-term relationship, since lack of communication seems to be one of the contributing factors which are causing couples to crash and burn today.

Here's another potential life-altering tidbit of information for you ladies. If he happens to be the love of your life and you want to keep him around as long as you are, remember what Dr. Oz said,"a healthy love life is a great equalizer to help us live longer." Imagine that! Just saying yes could keep us around as long as you are blessed to be upon this Earth. That being said, if our longevity is not something you could graciously stomach to insure you a well deserved, long and happy life, well, just never mind.

Come on now. You have to admit that smooching bonds, it nurtures, it heals, it calms and soothes. It creates an integral part of the stick-to-itiveness that can and will keep your relationship strong. It is by no means the cure all, fix all for every relationship, but from this beleaguered male's perspective, it is bound to help. If you are both physically able, surely after a few short minutes of lip locking, tongue sucking and knee rubbing, providing he has bathed, groomed and "man-scaped" appropriately, the both of you will be warmed and willing to rediscover each other. In this all inclusive scheme of trying to achieve lasting perpetual togetherness, just what have you got to lose?

I genuinely believe that, smooching, along with constant heartfelt communication between two people who love and are committed to each other, creates an integral bond that can weather the storms of life which will eventually move through our lives at some point. Remember if you're willing to invest up to 20 minutes every other day, the remaining 8600 minutes have the potential to be a little brighter. If he does not so engage, well you're women with the heritage of Eve, I'm sure you can bring him to his senses or even to his knees, to respond as we believe he should, during the other 8600 minutes, whatever works. The rest is up to you. Besides, we already know where he stands, ready, willing and capable of providing 8600 minutes of himself, for just 40 glorious, uninterrupted, quality minutes with you.