THE BLOG
08/30/2011 04:41 pm ET | Updated Oct 30, 2011

Anger Management: 5 Ways To Stop Being An "Angry Dater"


Are you an angry dater? Answer these questions:

  • Are you someone (either a man or a woman) who seems to always attract the wrong people?
  • Do you find yourself always dating people who seem to screw you over?
  • Do you always seem to find the men or women who are emotionally unavailable while you believe are totally emotionally available?
  • Are you the person who gets a lot of first dates and not a lot of second dates, and you blame others for this problem?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are likely an angry dater desperately in need of some anger management. It's time you get out from in front of the computer screen, go into the bathroom, look in the mirror, and realize ... that the only common denominator in all these scenarios is you.

In order to be a successful dater, you must figure out what you are projecting to other people. If you are angry, or you've been hurt and you haven't started trusting people again, then you are going to attract other people who don't trust. Two people who meet and are both like that are going to suffocate each other.

Life is not a sprint. It's a marathon. If you take a look at yourself and determine that you indeed are an "angry dater," you don't need to worry ... you need to embrace where you are and start taking the steps necessary to become who you want to be in your dating life so you will begin to attract who you want into your dating life.

So, here are 5 ways you can stop being an "angry dater:"

1. Stop Searching For Replacements. If you recently ended a relationship, stop trying to find someone to replace the person with whom you just ended that relationship. There's obviously a good reason that the relationship ended. Trying to find someone to replace the other person will only cause you to repeat the same mistakes over again.

2. Do Some Self-Analysis. Before going out to search for new people to date, you need to first to some self-reflection and self-analysis. Take the time to figure out what you did wrong in your past relationships. Now I am not saying that you were totally to blame for your relationships ending, but there is always at least some blame on the part of both people in a relationship when that relationship ends. Stop pointing your finger at somebody else and being a victim. Start taking an honest look at what role you played in the downfall of your past relationships.

3. Take Responsibility. Start taking responsibility for your actions. It takes two to tango. It takes two people to paddle a canoe. It also takes two people (in whatever measure) to cause the end of a relationship. So once you've identified what your role was in causing the end to your past relationships, you need to then take responsibility for your actions and whatever role you played in causing the end to those relationships. Own your mistakes.

4. Let Yourself Heal. You also need to look deep inside yourself and see what you need to heal before you go and try to have another relationship. The worst thing you can do after ending a relationship is to jump right into another one where you can (and likely will) make the same mistakes again. There is no law that says that when you're single you are required to be constantly in pursuit of a relationship. Take whatever time you need to let the hurt from your past heal, so that your next relationship has an opportunity to flourish.

5. You Get What You Put Out. As you are in your search for someone, always remember one significant and fundamental natural law: you attract in your life exactly what you put out to the world. If you're pissed off, angry or distrustful, you WILL attract people who are just like you and have all those same qualities. Consider this if you are having people with undesirable qualities repeatedly coming into your life. Think also about how if you take the time to change yourself, that by this law the type of people who will come into your life will also change for the better!

So if you desire to get off the dating treadmill, the first thing you need to do is work on yourself. Become the person you want to attract, and you will attract that person. It's really that simple!