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David Wygant

David Wygant

Posted: January 25, 2011 11:42 PM

I hadn't been watching the news lately. When I did tune in recently, though, I see that I have been missing some really important issues being discussed.

It's amazing. As each year passes, there seems to be less news and more pop culture dressed up as news.

It seems like all anyone was talking about was Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson's divorce announcement, and the seemingly impending breakup of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' marriage. Apparently Katie wants to leave Tom, and the battle over daughter Suri will be a fierce one.

The news -- and television in general -- nowadays is all all about other people's "stuff" and exposing all of their personal business in the public arena. This is especially true when it comes to exposing the intimate details of other people's love life.

People can't seem to get enough of hearing about celebrity divorces. There are also just so many dating shows out there. They have figured out about every angle there is about dating . . . and divorce.

Think about the show The Millionaire Matchmaker. Can't millionaires find love?

I'm sure you've seen at least some of these shows. If you have, then you know that it is no mystery why a lot of these people can't find love. They are too dysfunctional to find love.

What has this to do with us and our own dating lives? Well too many people are so caught up in everybody else's "stuff" (the drama and the garbage going on in everybody else's dating life), that they don't do enough work on themselves.

Let's say you're divorced. Where are you going to turn for guidance or inspiration for how to get healthy emotionally and move forward? Where are you going to learn how to get back in the dating scene if you've been married and haven't dated in years? You're certainly not going to gain anything by reading up on how a celebrity feels about being divorced, because their life is totally different than yours.

Think about who you're reading about in terms of people dealing with and moving forward after a divorce. Hugh Hefner is getting married . . . again. At 85, he has found love again after divorce.

Really? At age 85 he found love with a 24 year old? Lust maybe, or maybe amazement that a 24 year old finds you (and not just your money) attractive.

We read so much about these celebrities, and we watch so many of these dating shows, that all people are hearing is very celebrity-geared advice. There's no real advice on these shows.

There are no shows out there about how to really move forward after a divorce, and how to go out there again and start dating. There are no shows that have the message, "Hey you're divorced and you need to learn how to date all over again. We're going to show you how to do that."

If there was a show like that, it would probably be called "Divorce Survivor" (or something like that) and I can envision exactly how it would be structured. They would have a group of divorced people who would battle one another and sleep with each other's ex-spouses as they were trying to be the last one standing to win money at the end of the show.

There is no good, "real truth" advice for people like you and I who go through a real-world divorce. I've been divorced, and I know what it's like to go back out there into the dating world after that. I know what it's like be dating again and to be thinking, "Wow, I have to get back out there after all these years."

Here is some great advice for you if you are in this place in your life right now. I've written this before, but it is some of the best advice you can hear about this: Focus just on you and your own life.

Choose only one person right now from whom you are going to take advice (so you don't get conflicting advice). Whom should you choose? The person you need to get advice from is yourself.

Sure, you can read books and check out my blog posts, but what I really want all of you to do first is to figure out where you want your life to be post-divorce.

Concentrate on what you really want. What type of man or woman do you want to meet? What did you learn from your past relationships?

Don't compare yourself to anybody else -- not your friends, your neighbor or any celebrity. Look at you and your personal situation. Enjoy the process.

That's why I recently wrote that blog about getting rid of bitterness and forgiving after a divorce. When I say this, I am talking not just about forgiving your ex, but also about forgiving yourself.

So what I want all of you to do this week is to come up with a game plan. Write down all the places you go where there are women (or men) you'd like to meet. Then when you're out at these places every single day, start saying hello. start being more open and communicating.

Put down the iPhone or the BlackBerry. Stop thinking about work. Take a break from worrying about what your kids are doing at that moment.

Start being 100 percent present in the moment. When you're out and about becoming more open and being friendly, people will want to meet you and be in your space.

There's a big world out there. So start looking outside and make that list right now. Sit down in front of your computer and make out your list of all the places you see people that you're attracted to.

Then set a goal for yourself and get out there the next day to achieve it. Your first goal could be to say hello to three people. Do that for a week, and then set your next goal. Maybe your next goal will be to start actually talking to people and asking how they are doing. It doesn't matter what it is; it only matters that you do it.

The greatest thing about divorce is that you get to do the dating thing this time around with all the knowledge and wisdom you have learned from your past relationship. You can have fun dating and find true love.

Dating is fun, and falling in love is amazing. All of you deserve that.

So get out from behind the computer. Stop worrying about how celebrities are handling their divorces and their lives, and start being open to all the wonderful opportunities available to you in the post-divorce world.

 

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