08/24/2010 09:39 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Don't Be A Hold Out In Life Like Darrelle Revis

I was recently watching Hard Knocks on HBO. This season, they're actually covering my favorite team, and one of the big story lines this season for The Jets is Darrelle Revis being a hold out . . . or as he calls himself "Revis Island."

Darrelle Revis was due $20 million. Think for a second about what you would do with a salary of $20 million over the next two years. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of freedom.

That wasn't enough for Darrelle Revis, though, after he learned that Al Davis from the Raiders paid his star cornerback $16 million (making him higher paid than Peyton Manning). If you know anything about football, then you know that Al Davis is one of the lunatics of football. He paid that cornerback an amount that no cornerback should ever receive, but Al Davis decided to do it any way.

Because of this, Darrelle Revis and his ego -- we'll call him Ego Island -- decided that he didn't want to play for just $20 million over the next two years. He wants to be making at least $16 million plus one penny per year for the next two years.

He needs to be the highest paid player, so he's holding out. He's holding out and missing an opportunity to be part of what could be a New York Jet's Super Bowl season.

I mean, every team has Super Bowl aspirations this time of year, but the Jets actually have the defense, the running game, and just enough passing game to maybe get to the big game (the Super Bowl) this February. You don't have an opportunity very often to get to that big game in February. The majority of people who play football never touch the Super Bowl.

So Darrelle Revis is holding out because he is being selfish, and disappointing his teammates and everyone else in the process. He is showing that he is only playing for the money.

So how am I going to relate this to your personal life? You knew I was going to do that.

Well here it is: Do you hold out in your personal life?

Do you intentionally ignore somebody, thinking that by doing that you are going to get what you want from them?

Are you in a marriage, and you are holding out on having sex with your spouse because they don't do something for you? So instead of talking about it, you are actually holding off on things in a very passive-aggressive manner.

Are you dating right now and you really like somebody, but you won't call them because you don't want to seem over-anxious? So you hold out, not making the phone call and sending messages to that other person.

See, in life we hold out for a lot of different things. When we think about holding out, we always think it is going to accomplish something.

In reality, though, the only thing that you accomplish when you hold out is to alienate the person on whom you have been holding out. The longer you hold out -- and keep in mind that holding out is a very passive-aggressive thing -- the more you will alienate the person on whom you've been holding out.

Then by the time you actually go and talk to that person, and try to explain the reasons why you have been holding out, the other person is so fed up with you that they don't care anymore why you held out and they no longer want to do the things for you anymore.

There's no good that comes from holding out no matter whether you do it in your job or in your personal life. So maybe all of us should look at Darrelle Revis today and realize that holding out is just egotistical and selfish, and that all it accomplishes is to alienate all the people who respect and care about you.

So here is a tip for you Darrelle: You are going to lose all of your teammates because they're all there. Some of them don't feel like they're compensated enough, but they have shown up anyway because they are part of the team and team members don't let each other down.

Look at Darrelle Revis and his behavior, and compare it to your own life. Ask yourself if you are letting anybody down right now. Ask yourself if you are being passive-aggressive by holding out.

So, Darrelle, you really did create Revis Island . . . except that this Island is inhabited by you and no one else. What is ironic is that Darrelle Revis always talks about Revis Island at the same time his teammates practice and bond with each other. He is all alone on a self-created island.

That's what holding out in your personal life will do to you. Do you want your own island?