So you're dating Mr Evasive. Your friends and family all seem to have trouble figuring him out. If you step back and examine his behavior and find that he exhibits any of the four signs below, chances are he's unavailable:
1. He's very sporadic in the way he calls you.
He'll call you once in a while. You'll have some momentum. Then you go out on a date or two or even three and then he won't call you again for two weeks. What does that mean? He's unavailable -- not just busy. He's shopping for other women, looking around, or in another relationship.
2. He's a promiser.
"Oh my God, he's just the best!" you tell your friends. When you're out on a date with him, it's unreal. You feel like you have met your soul mate. It's the most incredible feeling you've ever had on a date. And then he disappears and doesn't call you for four days. He's what I call the promiser. He looks great in person while he's right in front of you, but in reality he cannot act on any of his promises. Granted, you actually may be exactly what he really wants in a woman, but something is holding him back and he'll be floating in and out. He's an unavailable man.
3. He tells you he's not looking for a relationship right from the beginning.
He tells you this the very first date, but still you think about what he said and tell yourself, "He doesn't mean what he says. Once he gets me, once we start seeing each other on the regular, once we start sleeping together, once we start hanging, he's going to realize he'll want a relationship." No. He told you from the get-go. You need to listen more and interpret less. You need to realize he's being honest. Which leads me to number four...
4. He talks the talk ...
Listen really carefully to everything the man says. See if all his stories match up. Listen carefully and see if his words are backed by actions. Men that are unavailable will tend to speak a lot, and they'll talk about great things. They'lll seem amazing if, in fact, everything he talks about he means. But when you're around him a while, his actions will not back up his words.
Those are four quick, easy tips to know if you're dating an unavailable man. Of course there are plenty of other ones. And of course this is NOT definitive or guaranteed. But I do want you to realize that if a man that you're dating has any one of these characteristics (or more than one), there's a good chance that he is unavailable and he's not worthy of your time.
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That type of guy will keep you on the back burner "just in case" right up until he's 40 or 50 and "finally ready" if you let him!
I just wrote a blog post on a similar subject "When He Doesn’t Call... Not Even A Text Message..."
In the mean time, the woman is chasing the validation. She feels that once she gets him it will prove her worthiness. Yet it's so funny that when a woman conquers a man, she gets bored of him and loses interest. We humans are such funny creatures.
Is companionship the new sex? Should we women hold out on this most basic of human interaction like we do with sex until we get a commitment?
My suggestion is to put both these men in the friends box and then look for someone who is willing to be clear about his feelings and commitment to you. Don’t waste anymore of your time on a man-child unless of course this is the type of relationship you want.
I just have to say what I need to say to the people I need to say it to.