When a relationship ends, the first thing we like to do is run to our friends. We want to talk all about what went wrong.
But here's a word of advice for anybody going through a divorce: Loose lips sink battleships.
A divorce is much different than a regular break-up. A divorce often has children involved.
The typical break-up thought process goes like this: You see your friends. You start blabbing. You complain over and over again. One of your friends finally tells you that you need to break up with the person. And you do.
Then you go through the healing/complaining process, where you complain to your friends some more and they comfort you. They help you through the pain and you start feeling a lot better.
Divorce is different.
The minute you think about getting a divorce is the minute you need to zip it. You need to be quiet and talk to only one friend, one confidant, one person you can trust.
Here's the deal: when people are in pain, they love to blabber and talk and basically vomit words all over everything. The problem is, when you're in a divorce, the words can get back to your kids, and the words can get back to your ex.
For example, a client of mine was going through a divorce. He took his kids shopping one day. It was his Saturday with the kids. He took them shopping at the mall and he was having a great time. Then he ran into a woman that was friends with his soon-to-be ex. She walked directly over to him and -- in front of his children -- said, "How dare you do that to Becky!"
She couldn't control herself. But then again, why should she? His ex couldn't control her emotions and she talked to people all over town about what a horrible husband he was.
So this man would go around town and get glares and stares from people. And he would get these glares and stares when he was with his children.
Children are all about energy. They are very sensitive -- they can sense things; they can read between the lines. They read into emotions.
As an adult going through divorce, our responsibility is to hide our emotions from our children. The best way to hide our emotions is to not blab all over the place about how angry you are and how much you hate your ex. The more you blab, the greater the chance your kids are going to find out about it.
Divorce is tough, but you need to protect your children as much as possible. Put them first. Protect them from any glares, stares, or confrontations that may come up.
I know that as a human it can be hard not to talk about what we don't like. But when it comes to divorce, you need to put a lid on it. You need to find your one confidante and seek professional help. If you do't, it's going to find its way back to the kids. It always does.
Be careful with whom you choose to share your feelings. Keep it inside. Zip it. Loose lips will always sink battleships and you don't want to fuel the fire of an ex. Not only that, you don't want the innocent children to be anymore hurt than they already are.
Take it from me. I'm a product of divorce and I know what loose lips did and how it affected my younger brother and sister. Just don't do it.
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