The Truth About Falling in Love

It seems like we've been talking so much lately about some of the problems and issues surrounding love -- cheating, sex rehab, divorce -- that sometimes we forget to talk about what makes a relationship successful. In order to have a successful relationship, you need to fall in love with the most important person in your life.

Do you know who that person is? That person is you.

You can't have a successful relationship, be loyal to someone, and even be a good parent, unless you love yourself. You must be honest with yourself and truly know yourself.

So many people come to me and tell me, "David, I am so sick of being single. I am so frustrated with dating. I hate dating and I hate being single! I wish I could just meet somebody."

Think about those words and what they mean. If you wish that upon yourself, you are going to meet somebody -- somebody who is going to be frustrating, who may cheat on you and someone with whom you are not aligned.

Instead, what you should be saying to yourself is "I love who I am. I am satisfied with who I am. I love my life. Another person is just going to add to that life."

Do you remember in the movie Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger, "You complete me?" No, that is all wrong. You should complete yourself. You are a perfect circle all on your own.

Granted, we all have imperfections and things about ourselves we don't like. When you truly accept and love who you are, however, you really are a perfect circle.

When you meet someone, it should be two perfect circles meeting each other. Nobody is ever going to "complete you." You need to complete yourself.

I tell every person who is single to go out and date yourself. Do things that you love. Plan a weekend around things that you love. Take trips to places you love. Read books that interest you.

To meet people, go to places about which you are passionate. That way, you can easily carry on a passionate conversation.

If you are already in a relationship, take a breather for a weekend. Go visit friends or family, or go away by yourself. Go and figure out who you are, what you want, and what your needs and desires are. Do this so you can fulfill those needs and desires, and so you can communicate them to your partner.

Falling in love is wonderful, but falling in love with yourself is essential. Take some time and make some lists -- a list describing who you are, a list describing what you want, and a list describing how you want your life to be.

Spend some time getting deep with the most important person in your life: you. Forget about your partner and the kids for an hour, and get to know yourself again.

If you are single, really take this time to get to know who you are and fall in love with yourself. Do this so that you can attract and meet people who are going to compliment you and add to your life. This is the path to an amazing relationship.

How do I know all of this? I have been coaching people for fourteen years, and I do all of this myself. This is how I live my life, and this is why I am so in love with the woman in my life.

 

Follow David Wygant on Twitter: www.twitter.com/davidwygant

Comments

[ladynaga]

08:40 PM on 04/22/2010

Thank you for this article. This exemplifie­s how I live my life now though it has taken a long time to get here. It took a divorce and soul searching to finally found who I really am and learned to accept myself, flaws and all. Now I am a great company for myself.

[Julie Zhou]

07:40 PM on 04/22/2010

Falling in love to me is a mysterious feeling that I find hard to describe. It is like a miracle of life, when it happens you know it, just appreciate it because you may not be always that lucky...

[ndem]

05:08 PM on 04/22/2010

A lot of strong women who really love themselves meet men with whom they fall in love and pretend to want an independen­t woman and it turns out they don't really want that at all...have seen it again and again...yo­u can love yourself and be a healthy strong person but you get fooled. (look at the stereotype­s in media which also support this: The Way We Were, even Sex and the City!)

Often when women respect themselves deeply and want a truly equal relationsh­ip they find that men whom they could have a relationsh­ip go for what is easiest.

Women also need to stop shorting themselves and be strong so ALL women can have healthy loves.

[brooklyncitizen]

09:28 PM on 04/22/2010

Good post.

[erasmusbdraggin]

10:58 AM on 04/23/2010

Thank you for your comment. I have seen the pattern, too.. strong, vibrant woman meets a guy who appears to be independen­tly wired, later she discovers she's a mom.

Was it that way from the beginning, and the chemistry fooled her, or was he mirroring what he thought she wanted?

Guys, how can we change that?

[DrMiaRose]

03:49 PM on 04/22/2010

So many people stay in toxic relationsh­ips because they are afraid to be alone. Personally I'd much rather be healthy alone than together in an unhealthy relationsh­ip.

Mia Rose

[cassady2euca]

04:51 PM on 04/22/2010

I agree. Being in a toxic relationsh­ip is emotional and psychologi­cal suicide...

[brooklyncitizen]

09:32 PM on 04/22/2010

Interestin­g that is the norm especially for women where there is so much focus on "getting a man" or "keeping a man". Yet the toughest thing is getting rid of a man; and this is not facetious. Too many women jump through hoops to stay in something that isn't in their best interest.

[TreeHugger09]

06:17 AM on 04/24/2010

"Yet the toughest thing is getting rid of a man; and this is not facetious. Too many women jump through hoops to stay in something that isn't in their best interest."

God, isn't THAT the truth! Even from a distance, ex-partner­s can toxify one's life. When I finally severed all ties with my ex-long-ti­me-boyfrie­nd (we remained Friends With Not THOSE Benefits for several years after we split up), I felt so free. Free to step back and wonder "What took me so long!?" Learning that was a long, messy process but it sure made me a much wiser person because of it...

[Puffin16]

03:34 PM on 04/22/2010

So many people confuse possessive­ness with love, along with other traits that should make the "Run!" alarm go off. I know several women who excus their husband's jealousy and admit that it makes them feel like these men care about them. We take classes and tests to get a license to drive, but the most important things in our lives don't come with an owner's manual. The common sense reflected in this article should be something we all know, but sadly, do not.

[SarcasticFringehead]

02:51 PM on 04/22/2010

This article has made some excellent points. Finding a partner does begin from the inside out.
I've known women who do the exact opposite which is to wait for the universe to present them with their "Perfect Prince".
These women expect to meet the perfect man; they have a list in their minds of exactly who he is, what he does, what he thinks and what he looks like. Not surprising­ly, they never find this guy because he doesn't exist; he is an idea in their own heads that they are in love with.
Any decent man that they meet will never live up to the standard of the "Mr. Perfect" in their imaginatio­ns.
Ultimately­, these women will either be alone all their lives or become unhappy with the poor man that they eventually resign themselves to be with.
Either way, it's a sad situation.

[lefty2026]

02:06 PM on 04/22/2010

So true, my mother told me this all the time when I was growing up! Of course, even if you love yourself, I think that you can still attract people who are not good for you, the only difference is that you figure it out more quickly and are not afraid to move on.

[simonbollocks]

01:49 PM on 04/22/2010

damn, loving being single right now.. woo hooo!!

[vagabond78666]

01:40 PM on 04/22/2010

I loved myself, just this morning...­....

[The Recovering Catholic]

01:43 PM on 04/22/2010

LOL....

[hemnebob]

01:28 PM on 04/22/2010

you are so right.
we as women are told from a very early age forward that 'you will find your prince charming and
fall in love and marry...' that is programmed into our harddrive/­brain and that is what we go
forward believing. such a freakin lie...we should all start with ourselves and learn to accept
our flaws alongside our unique talents/sk­ills/chara­cteristics­. we do live in a society that totally
bases everything on surface and 'packaging­' and each sex falls for it and we all know it.
my age group is 50+ and the single ones out there with low self esteem are always on the prowl
for someone and they tend to settle for anyone out there as long as they aren't alone...
well that is something we have to accept as we come into the world alone and we leave it alone
so trying to find someone so not to be alone is truly a waste of time and energy if we are not alright with
ourselves. i have read that we all wish to have someone in our lives to more or less witness everything
we ourselves witness...­so bottom line to me is that it is connected to our enormous egos...

[bobbiisadukefan]

12:33 PM on 04/22/2010

Momma alwys told me ...baby until you love and respect yourself..­.....no one else will. When you truly love you...life becomes passion and when others see you they see that passion.

[persiangal]

11:42 AM on 04/22/2010

Yes, you must your have shit together in all aspects before meeting someone healthy, but we were all meant to be paired up. That's why there are 2 sexes in this world. Noone can work on their (romantic) relationsh­ip skills on their own. There is a lot of growth that can happen in a healthy relationsh­ip that may not be possible without a partner.

[brooklyncitizen]

09:34 PM on 04/22/2010

this is a great point.

[feyangel]

10:43 AM on 04/22/2010

GREAT ARTICLE! Exactly what I tell my daughters and my single friends ALL THE TIME! Thank you. Thank you!