05/20/2010 03:23 pm ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Why Do We Feel Possessive of Our Exes?

I was working out at Equinox the other day, and I saw one of the tabloid "rags" sitting out nearby. I figured I might as well do a little bit of reading while I was bouncing around on the Stairmaster.

The first story I saw was about a cat fight between Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz is apparently now dating Alex Rodriguez (aka A-Rod). I think that Cameron Diaz and Kate Hudson used to be friends, but according to this article they now hate each other because A-Rod is Kate Hudson's ex-boyfriend and she is angry that Cameron Diaz is now dating him.

This story got me thinking. Why do we feel the need to be possessive about our exes?

This isn't just a celebrity thing. In my business, I get tons of emails from people saying things like, "Boy, I really like a friend of mine's ex. They broke up a year ago and I'd really like to start dating her, but I don't want to ruin the friendship with my friend."

I don't know about you, but if any of my friends want to date one of my exes then my feeling about is "Go for it!" I love my exes. I love my friends. They are all great people. So it would be wonderful if they got together.

Generally I'm friends with both of them. But even if I wasn't, my exes aren't my possession anymore. So many people, though, act like their exes are their possessions. Their feeling about anyone going out with one of their exes is, "How dare you date my ex! I won't be friends with you anymore if you date my ex."

I grew up in a divorced home, and I remember how my parents' friends took sides after my parents got divorced. They became either "Mom's friends" or "Dad's friends." My mom and dad could not both be friends with any of them. Don't forget that we're talking about a bunch of adults here.

One of my best friends lost a friend after his divorce that he'd had for 30 years. That friend decided he could only be friends with one of them after the divorce, and chose the ex-wife.

Your exes are not your possession. You have no right to them, and no say about whom they date or what they do. They can date whomever they want.

Granted, it wouldn't be nice if your friend started dating your ex the day you broke up. If they run into each other three or four months later and felt an attraction to each other though, then they may be a match and should be able to date each other.

Why are you going to ruin it for them? You don't own your ex (or your friend), and you have no right to tell either of them that they can't date each other.

As we all know, chemistry is hard to find. Great love is hard to find. So if your ex falls in love with your best friend, can you be mature enough to still be friends with your best friend, or would you tell your friend to choose sides like a five year old? You've heard my thoughts on this, and now I'd like to hear from all of your thoughts on this.

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