07/05/2012 01:34 pm ET | Updated Sep 04, 2012

Why Do We Vote on Aliens From Another Planet?

Today I woke up and I took a look at the homepage one of the major online search engine companies.

I'm not going to mention them by name, because as of today, I've got zero respect for this five-letter travel company.

Their lead story was this:

What presidential candidate would be better prepared to protect the country from an alien invasion?

An alien invasion? Are you kidding me?

I know the candidates are reaching really hard to figure out what to form their campaigns on, but do you really think we'll see a Romney for President, Protector of Earth campaign slogan?

Or Obama, the people's choice against aliens?

How about this one: I'm going to make a commercial with Obama basically battling E.T. And no, this isn't the cute E.T. that we're used to -- the really cute one that would take Reese's Pieces and hand it to his buddy, Elliott -- no, this is an E.T. with fangs; this is an E.T. who basically would chew your hand off, take all your money, and rob your stock portfolio.

This is an E.T. that would rob the middle class of the American Dream.

Obama would be battling that E.T.

Romney, he'd have an E.T. more on the Republican side. This E.T. would have his hair parted to one side -- he'd look just like Romney. This one would be fighting all the wealthy people. He'd go into their portfolios. He'd find every stock loophole.

This E.T. might be disguised as an IRS agent.

What is wrong with this picture? Are we kidding? There's so much going on in this country that we need help with, but our writers out there are writing about the presidential candidate that would best defend an alien attack.

How about this one? How about realizing that no matter who the president is, your life really isn't going to change. It doesn't matter if it's Romney or Obama, you still need to take care of your own issues.

You still need to get your own finances in control.

You still need to go out there and meet somebody.

You still need to take care of your kids.

And, more importantly, you need to work to take control of your own life.

So it doesn't really matter who the president is. If you think about it, the government was full of aliens to begin with anyway -- corrupt people who really don't care about the average, regular, non-alien Americans.