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David Wygant

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Why Google Has Turned Us Into a Dateless Society

Posted: 06/20/2012 10:52 am

Look, I've got no issues with Google Voice.

I think Google Voice is cool.

But you know what I hate? The people that can't pick up the phone and dial a number and say hello.

This is what happens for those of you who have never had the pleasure of dealing with Google Voice.

You're driving in your car. You go pick up the phone or you're on another call, you say hold on one second, you push a button and then you hear an obnoxious-sounding woman -- computer-generated, of course -- say this:

"Call from______________... "

You then hear the person who called mumble something at you, and it usually sounds something like this, "Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah... "

So then Google Voice will say:

"Press one to accept call, press two to listen to the caller's number, press three to eat poo, press four to have sex... "

Ok, maybe I'm kidding with the last two.

But when you try to press one on a BlackBerry, sometimes the one-pressing doesn't really work, and with Google Voice, if you don't react quick enough, the other person disappears.

Listen, you technology-reliant people, dial a number on a phone and say hello.

You're not cool because you use Google Voice.

And if you do continue to use Google Voice, make sure the person at the other end of the phone knows who is calling. Clearly state your name. Don't state your name as "blah blah blah blah."

It's no wonder why so many people can't get laid. It's no wonder why so many people can't have a good sex life or a healthy dating life -- they rely so much on technology, they're so afraid to pick up the phone and talk to people.

We live in a world full of people who are terrified to go and talk to people, terrified to dial the number themselves, while they hide behind technology.

I have talked many times about how I feel about technology. I think technology is great, but it's also the number one dating cop-out in the world.

Technology is a huge cop-out.

You want to really do well in business and dating and relationships and everything else? Pick up the phone yourself and dial the number, and when a person says hello at the other end, say hello back.

It's so much cooler to be against the trend. (The trend is about technology.)

Sure, go against the grain. Going against the grain is fun. It's cool being the guy that doesn't have the BlackBerry or the iPhone, the guy that has the old clam cell phone or something real simple. Yea, going against the grain is different, but there's nothing more frustrating than that Google Voice.

One day we're just going to be hiding behind every bit of technology and there will be no need to even talk to anybody.

You might as well just hide. Why talk? Why date? I'm sure we'll find a way to have sex with technology -- oh that's right, we already do. We have Skype sex nowadays. That's fun. We get to watch the other person masturbate on Skype.

I know, I'm being dramatic. No, I don't think Skype-sex is cool. Lets go back to the way things were.

Call me -- on a phone. I'll answer -- from my phone.

We'll meet up -- in person. We'll hang out.

If you're fun, I'll invite you back to my place. Then we'll do things -- in person -- that are more fun than over Skype.

I'm all about technology and the future, but there are some things in life where the future can wait.

 

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