An Open Letter to President Obama on Future Appearances on Arab TV

Dear President Obama:

I just watched portions of the interview you gave to the Arabic cable network Al Arabiya.
It was truly a great step towards rehabilitating our nation's image in the Arab world - but I must say - respectfully - your interview could have been better.

I'm sure you are thinking: Who am I to say your interview could have been better? Well, I'm a mid-level comedian who has performed numerous times in the Middle East over the past year including just three days ago in Dubai. Impressed now?! I thought so.

So in the spirit of being helpful, Mr. President, here are my suggestions for your future appearances in the Arab media:

1. Dress like a hip Arab guy. I know Arab professionals and leaders tend to dress in a suit and tie - but for your next interview, wear an outfit that says I want to reach out to the common Arab man. I'd suggest slacks and a polyester blend shirt with the top four buttons open - maybe throw in a gold chain or two. That look will get the "Arab Street" to stop and listen.

2. Smoke during the interview. Mr. President we all know you enjoy smoking but are trying to quit. Here is a chance to justify your smoking as well as creating a bond with the average Arab man. To give you an idea how much Arab men smoke, I went to a gym in the Middle East and there were ashtrays on the treadmills. Arabs view it this way: Anyone can run five miles, lets see you run five miles while smoking a Marlboro.

3. Throw in a few Arab phrases like Salama Alaykum, Inshallah (God willing) or even a "My friend."

4. During the interview take out a lamb kebob and offer some to the interviewer. This helps for two reasons: 1. Arabs love lamb; 2. It shows you are being hospitable by offering to share your food. Arabs are among the most - if not the most - hospitable people in the world and would love the gesture.

5. Keep bringing up that your middle name is "Hussein." I know here in the US you want to keep that name on the down low, but over there flaunt it! Most of us have a "cousin" named Hussein so it will be very endearing.

6. If an Arab interviewer asks a question you don't like, take off your shoe and throw it at him. That will show everyone in the Arab world that you really understand us.

7. I know you are a very cool, relaxed person - but Arabs love to see some emotion. So in your next interview get mad a few times. Arabs love to yell and love to see people yelling. We understand it's not personal, it's just part of the show.

Overall, Mr. President I think you are truly on the right track - not only with the interview but also with your selection of the immensely fair Senator George Mitchell as a Middle East peace envoy.

In closing, I just want to add that you have inspired me and I'm ready to continue to offer my assistance to you in any way you need, such as - and I'm just throwing this out here - if you need a comedian to open for you at any of your events in the Middle East. I can do a strong twenty minutes and then introduce you. "Obama and Obeidallah" - has the sound of a great team and I'm here for you. (Subject of course to you reaching terms with my agent at William Morris.)

Sincerely,
Dean Obeidallah

Comments

[Chaimirija]

You always make me laugh:)

[motherforpeace]

My favorite is #2...ashtrays on treadmills! :)

[ocoee]

dean, you forgot something! he has to wear a scarf that looks like keffiyeh but not exactly keffiyeh!

[ConcernedAboutRFuture]

Very funny!!!

If only the middle east was hospitable to women and treated them like human beings, I would probably laugh even more.

[Maysoon Zayid]

Most women in the Middle East are not only treated as equals but are also the ones in control. Have you ever been to Lebanon or Amman or Ramallah. Believe me we're doing just fine.

[motherforpeace]

What does that have to do how hard you can laugh and appreciate his humor?

R u always this uptight?

[MagisterLudi]

Ways to appeal to Muslim street:

10 Smoke Camel cigarettes
9. Wear Ahmadinejad's Members Only jacket.
8.Become backgammon virtuoso.
7. Well worn copy of Protocols of Elders sticking out of pocket.
6. Casually drop a few PBUHs.
5. NEVER smoke a cigarette without a cup of Turkish coffee.
4, Say" my friend" at least ten time during any conversation.
3. Arrive late for the interview.
2. Mustache!
1. Beard!!!

[rudiy]

All people in the world need to laugh at themselves.

[Stirner]

Laughter is a form of social criticism -- the mildest form of revolution. At present, we have such as Colbert to keep our viewpoint from becoming an unexamined and one-sided seriousness. This "seriousness" is the basis of all tyrannical authority (no joking about Hitler). Good work Dean! Keep up the revolution. We need you.

[RandaFM]

Dean this is absolutely hilarious. I am glad to see the first comedic fruits of the new Presidency.

[Taxi]

One-note stereotyping ain't funny.

Just because you have an Arabic sounding name Mr. Obeidallah, doesn't mean you have enough insight into the Arab people. Without this 'insight', all comedy falls into buffoonery.

[rock2casbah]

If you don't get it I feel soory for you. You don't get Dave Chappell, Colbert, Stewwert, Maher either.

[motherforpeace]

Have you seen the link at the top of the page that says "BIO?" If you click on it you will find out a little info about Obeidallah. But just in case you can't find it, here is his short biography.

Dean Obeidallah – is an award winning Arab-American comedian who has appeared on numerous US and international TV shows including Comedy Central’s “Axis of Evil” Comedy Tour, ABC’s “The View,” CNN’s “Inside the Middle East,” and Al Jazeera’s “Min Washington.” Dean, who was once a lawyer, has been featured in various publications including Time magazine, Newsweek, The New York Times, The Washington Post and The Los Angeles Times. He is the co-creator of Comedy Central’s Internet show “The Watch List” featuring a cast of all Middle Eastern-American comedians as well as executive producer of the annual NY Arab-American Comedy Festival and The Amman Stand up Comedy Festival. (www.deanofcomedy.com)

[Luvial]

Thanks, Dude!

[sam49]

Dean, you forgot to include a nice hookah and arabic coffee.

[jobecky20]

Very funny!

[nanners0808]

dean, that was so funny! loved it! esp the kebabs part and the advice about obama being too cool and your dress suggestions. funny stuff!

[LiberalBuzz]

Great post and although I seriously doubt Obama will do any of those things I would hardly be surprised to find out he read it and laughed his butte off.

Comedy in the Muslim world...who would have thunk it.

[greymom]

I love the part about the kebabs. I once had some Afghani neighbors and if we were working in our garden and they were having one of their frequent family BBq's, they would call out to us and hand some skewers of delicious lamb over the fence. I in turn would train some of my tomato vines to creep through the holes in their fence so they could enjoy some free tomatoes without having to cultivate them themselves.