Herman Cain is truly the most amazing multi-tasker ever. In addition to running for President of the United States -- indisputably a very challenging task in itself -- Cain is also moonlighting with a few other jobs on the side.
So far this year, Cain has earned over $250,000 from his public speaking engagements, spent over $100,000 of his campaign funds to buy copies of booklets about himself from a company that he personally owns, and has been on a nationwide tour promoting his new book Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House, which is now number four on the New York Times Best Seller list.
Herman Cain is already creating jobs -- the jobs are all for himself, but he's creating them.
Some are now criticizing Cain for not focusing full-time on running for President. They say Cain should be learning the issues better, or creating a campaign infrastructure in key primary States, or at least meeting with more voters.
But I disagree. Indeed, I think Herman Cain should take on even more jobs. And in an effort to help Mr. Cain, I have compiled a short list of other vocations he may wish to consider:
1. Comedian: Herman Cain is truly funny guy, just look at some of his recent statements, such as: "When they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan, I'm going to say you know, I don't know. Do you know?"
That's comedy gold. Why should a guy running for President know the names of other world leaders or even the names of other countries? Makes me laugh every time I re-read it.
And this Cain one-liner is a real knee slapper: "Don't blame Wall Street, don't blame the big banks, if you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself!" This statement truly deserves an "LOL" after it.
And just last week, when Cain was asked whether he thought Mormons were Christians, he replied: "I believe that they believe that they are Christians." That's a classic- it's like a Mormon "Who's on first?" routine.
2. Greeter at Wal-Mart: In the few hours Cain still has free after promoting his book, using his campaign contributions to benefit his own company and earning six figures for speaking engagements, I think Cain would also make an amazing greeter at Wal-Mart. He truly does have a folksy, warm way about him.
Of course, he might not greet everyone equally. After all, just a few months ago, Cain called for a special loyalty oath for American-Muslims before they would be allowed to serve in his cabinet and even believes in essence there should be a Muslim exception to the First Amendment so that communities can ban mosques if they don't like Muslims.
Consequently, American-Muslims might have a tough time being able to shop, or even get into the store if Cain was the gatekeeper. But, besides that, this is the perfect fourth side job for him.
3. Tutor: How about Herman Cain: the tutor? He could teach about business strategies, such as when Cain took over as CEO of the Godfather's Pizza chain and he closed 20 percent of the chain's stores and fired hundreds of employees.
But I don't think Cain should tutor anyone on the topic of math. Why? Because Cain boasted that his "9-9-9" tax plan would not raises taxes on the middle class, however, an independent study by the Tax Policy Center -- using math -- found that his tax plan would actually increase taxes on 84% of Americans. Maybe Cain meant to say his tax plan would reduce taxes for those making over $200,000 a year from 5 to 20 percent.
In Cain's defense, though, math is tough -- it often involves adding, subtracting, carrying numbers over, etc. But in any event, no arithmetic lessons from Mr. Cain.
4. TV Show Star: Cain could surely follow in the footsteps of another Republican national candidate who quickly rose to fame: Sarah Palin. Like Palin, Cain could star in his very own reality show. I can see the show title now: "Cain Country" or "Citizen Cain." Or maybe he can host a travel show where he visits exotic locales like: "Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan." I think he could even host a new game show entitled: "Let's not make a deal."
Bottom line: I'd love to see Herman Cain take on as many other careers as possible. The only job I don't want to see him in is President of the United States of America.
Follow Dean Obeidallah on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Deanofcomedy
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esp the math and Walmart greeter parts
Cain really is out for Cain
Now, the Republican Party and their supporters, can't find a decent, intelligent and electable, CON-servative candidate. So now they use this clownish, ignorant of all policies and a third-rate writer, Cain-ableless...to stir the politcal pot. I can see why his wife won't even come out to show her face in public in support of her gimmicky spouse.
Don't worry about Cain becoming VP to any GOP frontrunner...but he would be the perfect VP to follow the McCain-disasterous choice for 2008.