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Debbie Burgin Headshot

Take The "Ex" Out Of "Sex" After A Divorce

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If you're thinking about sleeping with your ex, know that you're not alone.

Having sex with your ex is what I like to call "grabbing at low hanging fruit." Depending on how you split up, it's pretty much a sure thing -- a clear-cut case of "the devil you know." But sex with your ex is rarely a good idea. It not only keeps you in a purely physical relationship with someone that you were once more than just physical with, but it also keeps you from moving forward and getting into a relationship -- physical or otherwise -- with anyone else.

Let's look at the pros and cons of having sex with your ex:

Pros:
  • Because you know what you're getting, there will be very few surprises. Like I said before, it's "the devil you know," which isn't always bad thing.
  • Without the pressure of performance, you're free to get as down and dirty as you dare without judgment. I mean, been there, done it -- right?
Cons:
  • You're exes for a reason. 'Nuff said?
  • You know what you're getting. Yes it's a pro, but it works as a con too.
  • You had feelings for this person before; what happens if you acquire feelings this time around and he/she doesn't?
  • It ended once, and it's very likely that it's going to have to end again.
  • You're missing out on all of the other awesome experiences you could be having because you insist on going back for seconds with someone that you're no longer emotionally attached to. Not cool.

As you can see, there are definitely more cons than pros to having sex with the ex.

Your main goal after divorce is to focus on moving forward in just about every way imaginable, and it's difficult enough to simply stay friends with an ex after a divorce.

So, without further ado, here are the five hard-and-fast rules to taking the "ex" out of sex after divorce:

1. Refuse the calls: In order to get this man out of your system, you're going to have to go cold turkey. He may try to call or text you to go for a drink or something simple. You might be feeling weak, but stick to your guns.

2. If he calls and leaves you a message, listen to it just in case he's sharing something important, but by all means, delete it after you've heard it once. Saving the message means that you'll go over it time and again, and you'll quickly find yourself thinking about more than just his voice.

3. Don't call him. Cold turkey means cold turkey. No cheating. Calling and hearing his voice will only solidify the urge. If you keep hearing his voice on a regular basis, all bets are off. Don't do it.

4. Think about the things about him that turned you off. I know -- it's a low blow. But desperate times call for desperate measures. If you focus on how much you can't stand the way he chews with his mouth wide open, thinking about having sex with him is less likely.

5. Find another physical focus. Get out and date, find another hot man to fantasize about. Better yet, make the fantasy a reality! It'll work wonders for getting the craving for the ex out of your head once and for all.