06/20/2014 01:22 pm ET | Updated Aug 19, 2014

The Joys of Sex After Divorce

Divorce is always painful. Even if you're the one who made the decision to split, living through the last months or years of a relationship that just isn't working can take a major toll on the self-esteem, making it that much more difficult to "get back into the game" post divorce. If you didn't make the decision to leave the relationship, the toll on your self-esteem can be much more destructive.

The natural reaction is to hide out for awhile -- and in many cases, that is probably an appropriate thing to do.

But eventually there comes a time when one has to say "Enough!" and start thinking about one's sexuality, and get back to having some earth-shaking, bed-rockin' fun in life.

One of the best solutions to a damaged sense of self-esteem is to go out and date, flirt and see where it goes! I do think the best cure for a broken or wounded heart is to get back into the game and, maybe not find a new love, but the very least, a new lover.

Honestly speaking, a lover is really not that hard to find these days. Regardless of your physical circumstance, there is someone worthy out there who will absolutely adore you.

After my divorce from an 11-year marriage, I had to get back out there and put my ego on the line. It was actually a lot of fun (still is)! That said, I don't care WHO you are, it's never easy to start dating and mating again.

Regardless, it was and is worthwhile. Sex was actually BETTER than it had been in my 20s. My ego was actually more resilient. And good men and lovers (and love) were available too.

Sex after divorce is better on a few levels. We're not weighed down by the insecurity of youth (or we shouldn't be), and we're at a point in our lives where we can decide who we want to be with, and for what reason -- simply for the sake of vanity, or maybe you're looking for something deeper. It's entirely up to you.

Online dating is like catalogue shopping; You hop online, find a good dating site, and browse at your leisure. You don't have to worry about "what am I going to say if the guy with the bad comb over hits on me?" because you don't have to respond to him.

We all need sex. It keeps us young, keeps stress at bay, keeps us excited about life, and satisfied. Don't give up on sex if you don't have to! We've all been in relationships where we've begun to think of sex as a "chore", and that's not how it's supposed to be.

Remember that a sexually satisfied woman is a more confident and discriminating woman, who is better able to navigate the emotionally perilous waters of intimate relationships, whether casual or long-term.

Remember also, that communication is the heart of any good relationship and sex is no exception to this rule.