Walk Thru the Fire of Fear

11/17/2013 01:25 pm ET | Updated Jan 25, 2014

Divorce can be a time when every emotion comes to the surface and one of them is fear. Fear of the unknown, being a single woman/man again, being a single parent, finances, change of homes, routine, status, and who we are. Everyone who has walked the path of divorce remembers that split second when we came to the realization that life as we knew it was over, gone, never to be the same. And fear sank in.

What do we do when we feel fear? Most of us try to avoid it in some way whether it is by dating, drinking, shopping, denial, or engrossing ourselves in a project or work. The problem is, the fear is still there, tugging at our mind, and until that fear is faced we, as divorced women, cannot move on in a constructive way, an empowered way. Don't make the mistake of putting it on the back burner. As the saying goes, "Just Do It"!!! Face it, conquer it, and move on. Momentum will lessen the feeling of fear.

We latch onto the first thought of fear, which is, "How will I make it being single?" when another question begs to be asked, '"How will I make it being in a bad marriage where I am losing myself?" If we are going to be afraid, let's consider all angles; for there are many. Divorce is multifaceted and so is the accompanying fear.

Fear is a perception, so change your perception and you will go from fear to empowerment. Approach your reaction to these changes in your life from a position of strength not weakness. Look deep within yourself and know that you are not a victim and you have the control. You are a woman/man of power. Do not hand that power over to anyone or any situation. Let your mantra be, "I am a Warrior."

Acknowledge the fear, take control of it, control the negative chatter in your mind, have confidence in yourself, see these changes as growth and stepping stones to a future of promise and view your life with anticipation, not apprehension, and you will become powerful over your fears of divorce.

Robin Sharma sums this up quite well:

Run towards your fears
Embrace them
On the other side of your greatest fears
Lives your greatest life.

Debbie Martinez, MA is a certified life coach specializing in divorce as well as a Supreme Court certified family mediator with a private practice in South Florida. She can be contacted at