Blaming money for our problems is the #1 reason most marriages, business partnerships, family circles, and international relationships go bust. Survey couples after a divorce and 90% will cite financial disagreements (how to spend money, when to save money, who's responsible for making the money) as a primary cause for why their love turned to loathing. Let's be honest: We hold money responsible for absolutely everything.
Have you ever thought that simply having more money would solve your troubles? I have! Once I landed a television producing deal with a major Hollywood production company, and after spending the advance they gave me on basic necessities, I wasn't sure how I would survive if one of my films didn't get a green light. I felt so insecure about my future that anxiety kept me up most nights. My self-esteem was at an all time low. All I could think to do was pray for more money. And my prayer was answered. My film about the homeless (ironic!), starring Martin Sheen and Cicely Tyson, got the go-ahead from CBS. Suddenly I was wealthy again! But my worries did not subside; in fact they intensified. I worried what would happen after the movie was over. I worried I might not get another one produced. My joy about getting a big, fat paycheck lasted about ten minutes. And that might be an exaggeration.
The real problem is that our pain seeks out money, thinking money will make it go away. But the pain never does. Money can't repair emotional issues and unhealthy beliefs--and I had a closet full of these. Both my parents were brilliant and creative people, and although they had a modicum of success, they also experienced major disappointments in their professional careers. The message I received as a child was confusing: On the one hand, they told me I could succeed at anything, while on the other, I was reminded daily that life wasn't fair and talented people often failed. The part of me that believed I could make it accomplished my goals. The part of me that feared failure was always in a state of tension. In psychology, they call this situation, "competing beliefs"--believing that two opposing states are real and manifesting each in equal proportion. Even earning one billion dollars wasn't going to change that!
Test this hypothesis--that money never heals your wounds--by looking at some people in the public eye. Wealth has not repaired Jon Voight's relationship with his daughter, Angelina Jolie. It didn't help Governor Mark Stanford stop cheating on his wife. And it didn't save Michael Jackson from dying too young.
I was told by a top corporate consultant that one of the richest men in America gets a weekly report showing the number of toilet paper rolls used at his company. He was a child during the depression. He knows the terror of going hungry. Until he deals with that experience, the fear that everything can be taken away from him, (and it was!) there is no profit statement that will equate to safety. Safety is his issue. Making and protecting his money is a way he tries to feel more secure. It doesn't work. And never will.
When you realize that your money issues can work as a navigational system to find old beliefs and feelings that are currently standing in your way, your life will change. Mine did--through intense personal growth work that freed me from my fear of failure. Now I get ahead in my life and enjoy the money I make without being captive to my apprehension.
If you are blaming money for something negative in your life, pick up your shovel and start to dig. Once you find the confusion, hurt, indoctrination, and negative beliefs you've attached to wealth you will have more peace. Not to mention more abundance!
Here's my Kick-Ass Advice for people presently fighting about money:
KAA#1: When you fight about money, you're not really fighting about money. Money crap is simply unearthing deeper issues. Example: If you want to save money and your partner wants to take more risks, your disconnect isn't about money, but about the fact that you each have "security" wired differently in your psyche. While saving money might make you feel protected, spending money makes your partner feel able to conquer the world. Both your needs have to be met.
KAA#2: Warring over money is serious stuff. Don't treat it lightly. These battles are meant to surface deep-seated emotions and thought patterns. Get help! Many resources are available today: therapists, coaches, mediators, personal growth workshops, and books.
KAA#3: Awareness opens the door to change. Whenever you make money culpable for something negative in your life, or attribute your salvation to greater wealth, stop and ask, "What's really going on?" Because it's not the money!
Just as we're making better choices in the way we treat our environment, we have to take responsibility for our inner ecology. Translate your money issues into a personal growth asset that will pay you life long dividends. Life is filled with crap! Kick-Ass Advice will show you how to shovel it and emerge the victor.
If life has crapped all over you, let's talk. Visit my website at: http://www.kickassadvice.com
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