Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People

I don’t have a clue.  Seriously, I don’t have the faintest.  To me life contains as much randomness as purpose.  Shit happens as they say, and anyone that says that you can control what happens in your life by only having positive thoughts is lying.  The bottom line is that there are too many people, too many things going on for us to have complete control over our lives.  I don’t care how many affirmations you say every day or how kind you are, shit will still happen.  Someone you know will die, lose a job, have a fight, get sick etc.

Early this morning I got a call from my eighty five year old neighbor who lives alone.  She had fallen on the street and wondered if I could take her to the emergency care.  “Of course” I replied.  So I made a cup of coffee while I got dressed and then left the house to get her.

After two hours at the emergency care, my neighbor was going to be taken to X-ray, so I told her I was going to drive home and leave a key under my mat for my brother-in-law who was coming to visit.

And so I did that.  Ran home, pet my dog, had another cup of coffee, left a key under the mat and got back in my car to drive back to Keiser when, boom. A car rams into me.  This girl, because she was in residential Silver Lake didn’t think she needed to place all her attention on her driving and was actually putting on her make up while driving. Basically, she ran a stop sign. 

My first thought was “why me?”.  I’m already spending my Saturday morning at a hospital and my week didn’t fare much better, so why do I get hit while doing a good deed?  For no simple reason or better yet for no reason at all and that’s the point.  Things in life will sometimes come out of nowhere without discrimination of gender, social status, age or our score in the goodness scale. 

I may, right about now, be sounding really doom and gloom, but here is the good news: “YOU CAN CHOOSE HOW TO PROCESS ALL OF IT”.  I wrote that in caps because it’s a big concept.  We can choose how much we are going to let things that we have no control over poison us with anger, frustration and irritation.  I’m not suggesting we should all drop our activities and beliefs, and become enlightened people and not be bothered by anything – although that would be certainly an achievement – but I’m suggesting we can temper our reactions. 

Let’s think about my car: the dent was already there and no amount of anger towards the girl - who was now even more late for work than before - would change that. Taking out my frustration on her only had the potential of escalating things.  So I took a minute to myself and breathed deeply a few times before addressing this girl in a firm way. I got her information, waited for the police to come and then went home.

Once home, I turned the music on and did some stretches on the floor to get rid of the tension building up in my body.  I again thought about what would be the worst thing that could happen in this whole accident situation. The answer was me having to cough up the deductible to have my car fixed, and while no fun, it was not worth ruining my day over. 

And then I thought of my neighbor who had said to the nurse that she was a lucky person because her neighbor, meaning me, had the time and the care to bring her to the hospital instead of saying how bad her life is without a family, that she has to depend on a neighbor to take care of her.

So while I accept that there is plenty of randomness in this world I know for a fact that how we deal with everything is completely up to each one of us and in that there is no randomness.

Follow Deborah Calla on Twitter: www.twitter.com/debcalla

Comments

[OtayPanky]

Blogger: here is the good news: “YOU CAN CHOOSE HOW TO PROCESS ALL OF IT”.

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That's just not true.

Unfortunately, in this world in which we live, there is no limit to how painful life can become. And at the same time, our capacity to process pain is limited. There are many people - too many people - who have fallen down a well of suffering and can't climb out.

One thing we don't need to do is trivialize the challenge of being human.

[Deborah Calla - Huffpost Blogger]

I would never trivialize the challenge of being a human. I think I have earned my stripes in that department. I lost my husband, the person I most loved in this world, to cancer 14 months ago and my savings to a Madoff feeder fund. I have been in the psychological dumps many times but decided I would try to transform the painful feelings into something positive. So I started a website, www.theloveprojectinc.com to celebrate life and love, and have exchanged love and support with many people that are hurting, as well as writing blogs here. That's what I was referring to; our strength and ability to do something about when life seems to be pulling you down.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

[Jude Nagurney Camwell]

I had to deal with some tough challenges as a child, but I still thought that I lived a charmed life. I think it was due to the fact that I had such a loving family. My family was my shield and my shelter. Sometimes it felt like there was nothing that could harm us as long as we had one another. I was taught to consider and care for others. In living life that way - in the caring for and service to others - I still feel there are times when the old feeling of living a charmed existence comes back to me. I know it's not true. No one lives a life free of irritation, unexpected chaos, rejection, illness, heartbreak, or grief. The choice we make to follow the Golden Rule and to deal calmly with the unexpected and unpleasant things that happen to us can be turned into fruitful learning experiences not only for ourselves, but also for others. We never stop learning until we're gone and I want my lessons to have been ones that turned my heart to gold, and not to stone. I consciously try to remain grateful for the caring I've received and to pay it forward. I believe that only the respect, love, and empathy we give toward others can create a better world. We're responsible for our feelings in dealing with others, as you've shown here, Deborah. I'm sorry to hear about your accident.