About That Piece on Transracial Adoptions in the New York Times...

The Asian-adoptee identity crisis reported in Monday's New York Times might finally lend credence to what black social workers have been saying all along: Ethnic and racial identity matters.

In 1972, the National Association of Black Social Workers issued a statement emphasizing the importance of keeping black families intact by encouraging black-on-black adoptions. Many took this stance to be anti-white, racist rhetoric, insisting that all children need is love to survive childhood healthy and intact.

So now we know -- at least from an Asian-adoptee point of view.

It's too bad so many people have gotten so hung up on the color of the critic to hear what others have been saying about the trend of white families adopting black children. Ethnic children reared without any cultural context can grow up feeling disaffected, like the perennial "other" if they aren't acculturated to their original family backgrounds.

In the Times piece by Ron Nixon, Kim Eun Mi Young said she considered herself white until she reached adulthood and had an identity crisis. Heidi Weitzman, adopted from Korea, wanted nothing to do with her Korean heritage. Both women, according to Nixon, had parents who tried to introduce them to their culture.

But the examples they cited suggested the parents left the real work of uncovering their children's cultural identity up to them. These families didn't experience "otherness" as a family. Young didn't indicate her father read the book to her that he brought from South Korea. And Weitzman's mom, who wanted to send her to a "culture" camp, could have benefitted from a culture camp of her own.

Years ago, I read an article in a North Dakota newspaper about parents who had adopted black girls and didn't know how to comb their hair. A Chicago transplant, the woman was giving the mothers tips how to groom their daughters' curly, kinky hair. This hairdresser turned out to be related to a friend, who told me, "Girl, they were cutting off these little girls' hair because they didn't know how to comb it. All these little girls were walking around looking like little boys!"

Imagine what it must feel like feeling all girly and cute and smart on the inside and seeing media images everywhere that describes acceptable girlness as having long, flowing hair. Then imagine living in a sea of hair flippers, feeling something doesn't quite fit -- and it must be you.

Wisely, transracial adoptions require would-be parents to get cross-cultural training before following through, thanks to a Hague Convention ruling. However, antiquated rules in the United States, according to the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, preclude agencies from discussing race in any meaningful way that might help parents understand the prism in which their adoptive children view the world.

A child needs to know all the wonderful "whys" of how they got here and why that matters. If she's not destined for hair flippery, she needs to embrace that wooly raw material atop her head. A boy needs to appreciate Mother Nature's artistry in crafting his almond-shaped eyes. Children need to appreciate their permanent tans. An adoptive parent can't be so naïve to think they can gloss over these facts.

I've often wondered how many would-be white adoptive parents already have true Asian or black friends. Do they operate in any kind of cultural context that gives them the support and knowledge they need to understand the nuances of what it's like living as a minority in this country?

This doesn't mean love's got nothing to do with it. But validating our children's life experiences through the prism of their hair, skin and eyes and all the ways in which they engage with the world is the ultimate means of expressing that love.

Deborah Douglas is a Chicago-based journalist and professor of journalism.

 

Comments

[onwisconsin]

I adopted my daughter when she was a young teen. Her recently deceased parents had adopted her at birth; they were black and she was biracial - black/latina. I am Cherokee/J­ewish/Scot­. I have white features. I have many many friends of all hues who are constantly in and out of our home. My daughter struggled to find her identity because as she put it: "Before I came to live with you, none of the black kids wanted to play with me because I looked like a Mexican and they called me a (ethnic slur). None of the Mexican kids wanted to play with me because my parents were black and so they called me a (ethnic slur). Now I'm living with you. Does this mean I'm white and Cherokee?"

Adolescence is messy enough. I made sure she was surrounded by loving people who looked like her and shared her ethnic heritage on both sides. I learned a lot too. From there, she had to figure out her own identity just like I did as an adopted child. She's done a pretty darn good job of it too.

[eunmi38]

I completely agree with AWoolst's remarks, but Nixon's article dealt specifically with transracial adoptees and the recent study done by the Evan B Donaldson Institute.

Adoptees, regardless of color, deal with some of the same issues - loss of birth parent and feelings of abandonment. Additionally, for TRAs, we are often the "only" in our communities and our homes. While APs (adoptive parents) can't necessarily change the former, they can do something about the latter. Introducing culture into the home goes beyond putting on a sari, cheonsang, hanbok etc, or going to cultural festivals. It requires that they find a culturally diverse place to live, having culturally diverse friends, even living in their child's birthplace when possible.

It also requires that they understand that race IS important when adopting from another culture. For us, the people of color, we are judged by what IS on the outside, not the inside. That initial judgment leads others to decide if we're dangerous, economically stable, smart, exotic, etc without any communication with us.

Kim Eun Mi Young

[AWoolst]

I am a white adoptee, adopted as an infant by white parents and I can tell you that this is an issue for even me. While I don't want to belittle Young's experience, others considering reform and cultural sensitivity in adoption in this area should not do so based on the outward appearance. It cannot be assumed that simply because someone is white and placed with white parents, black and placed with black parents (so on and so forth), that any type of social justice has been done. Putting people together because they look alike is only half of the battle; we're forgetting the unique spiritual and cultural experiences that come along with specific nationalities that are far more in-depth than putting color with color. Adoptees have the right to their social, medical and cultural heritage that's been passed on to them by their biological parents. All adoptive parents should be made aware of these things, instructed and given the tools to nurture their child's unique heritage, regardless of how similar their outward appearance is. Yes, it is absurd to place a Korean child with Caucasian parents and not give that child an environment that nurtures their uniqueness. I can tell you as a white child with no knowledge of my own social, cultural and medical information that expecting me to "pretend" I'm French-Italian because my adoptive parents are is equally absurd and I would say the same for any individual matched with parents based on color.