Chris Brown and Rihanna: The Religious Underpinnings of Domestic Violence

We think we've come a long way, baby. Not! Today's teens have shown that we're still living out patriarchal myths dating back at least five thousand years. Talk about recycling old stuff! The whole media circus surrounding the Chris Brown and Rihanna "incident" has actually done us all a favor by bringing our cultural attitudes about domestic abuse and dating violence into public conversation. If we all keep talking about it, maybe we can finally wake up from the stupor of religious myth that has us place blame on women and defend men -- no matter what.

When we consider that 34% of female murder victims are killed by someone they are or have been intimate with, we can see why we desperately need to rip away the justifications for domestic violence. When we learn that almost half of Boston teenagers in a recent survey say that Rihanna was responsible for the beating she got from Chris Brown, we may be shocked. But we shouldn't be. We all have core beliefs that would really shock us if we stopped to examine them.

One of those unconscious beliefs is that if something bad happens, it's the woman's fault. After all, who believed that old snake in the grass and ate the forbidden fruit that got us kicked out of Eden? Adam was innocent. Chris is the man; he can't be at fault.
So what do women do? We blame ourselves. We excuse the guys. If a gal gets pregnant, it's her fault and her responsibility. Boys will be boys; he was just sowing his wild oats. Rihanna could wind up going down the tubes because the belief will be she's at fault and she's trying to pull him down. We will forgive Chris.

Tyra Banks said she was emotionally abused while in her 20s. Even though she was one of the top ten models in the world at the time, she stayed with her abuser because her self esteem was on the floor. As she told Oprah, "I stayed because I felt like if I left and he didn't change and didn't treat me how I felt I deserved to be treated, I was a failure."

Where does this crazy mixed-up set of signals come from that says women are "less than" men? Well, the Bible for one. In Genesis, Adam's role is to be Eve's master: "...thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Passage after passage reaffirms the unworthiness of women and their subservient position. No different than the traditional Islamic saying that "A woman's heaven is beneath her husband's feet," or Paul saying in Romans in the New Testament that the "natural use" of women is to provide men with sex.

Think that was all a long, long time ago? Here's Reverend Pat Robertson, the noted Christian evangelist: "The Feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." And in 2000 the nation's largest Protestant decision-making body -- The Southern Baptist Convention -- added into their core teachings that a woman must be subject to her husband in all things, which they call "headship." The husband, no matter how much of an ignoramus he may be, must prevail.

It doesn't matter if none of us go to church or temple or mosque anymore, women have absorbed a gazillion years of being treated like chattel, while men have soaked in a fervent belief in their right to be obeyed. It's the same myth of feminine inferiority that allows mankind to rape Mother Earth and destroy the environment.

Somehow, a woman who gets beaten like Rihanna "deserves" what she gets, since she must be inherently evil or have done something bad to bring about that response. It's a convenient myth for the patriarchal mindset that still rules much of the world, and is followed closely by "stand by your man, no matter what." You love him, so you have to forgive him. His misbehavior was likely your fault. Take him back and pray it doesn't happen again. After all, a woman is "nothing without a man."

Clearly, many of Brown's teenage fans, his fervent supporters, don't understand the difference between aggression (what she allegedly did) and abuse (what he allegedly did). Like "nikita," who posted this typical message online: "well that's what rih rih gets for running her mouth!! Love u chris brown blessings to u." A study done in 2005 showed that one out of every three teenagers knows a friend who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked, or physically hurt by their partner. We should teach our kids the difference between the two. Quickly.

Comments

[Mary2009]

Yes, in the Bible Paul tells women to be subservient to their husbands, but he also tells husbands to love their wives as much as they love themselves. I would place much more blame on the culture and, can I really say this, some of the music and celebrities our kids look at. There will be no Chris Brown in my home, and frankly, no Rhianna, either. Neither have shown qualities I want my children to learn. This woman does not have to choose between staying in the violence and living on the street.

Violence is unacceptable on both sides of a relationship.
Do we actually tell our children that hitting is always wrong. We have to teach this to them, don't assume they will figure it out themselves.

[cisco1]

Thanks for the history/religion review - I never stopped to think of it that way? What happens in the animal world - who pushes who around - females?

[typhanie]

Religion has absolutely nothing to do with my defense of CB. I believe that he got tired of this Insecure, Controlling, and Bratty "Chick" hitting on him and snapped. I don't condone DV, but I also do not believe that this man was or is an abuser. I believe he made a mistake, and he regretts letting her get to him, but there is nothing that he can do about it, now.

I believe that she went back to him, because she knows in her heart that he would not hurt her.

She admitted that she lied, she admitted to have slapped him on three or four previous occasions and he has never hit her back.

Prior to this incident evreyone associated with these 2 people, has recalled that she was the one with the problem with her hands, not him. She was the one with the temper.

I guess bottom line is I don't Believe the TMZ, ET, or Access Hollywood version of the facts.

[melmoid]

Rationalizing this behavior is what allows it to continue.

[osusana]

You got that right!

[sense11]

Don't mean to offend anybody but its a fact that most religions throughout history have had a horrible influence on how women are treated. In some places where religion and politics are completely intertwined, women are shunned by their families & communities and put in jail after being victims of rape & abuse. The bible accuses women of basically ruining the world over an apple dispute. If was only a couple of decades ago that women were able to finally stand up and fight against centuries of systematic abuse. Religion has a lot to do with that abuse.

[cwbyht]

So a sick man commits a crime and beats his girlfriend. Do you do anything productive about it? No, you take scripture out of context, and totally distort its meaning.

You could use this as an opportunity to help women in this situation. Instead you use it as a chance to bash an entire group of people. People that would be the first ones to step up, and help Rhianna (also Mr.Brown who despertly needs help)

You have done nothing to help women today.

[melmoid]

I don't think the author took the scriptures out of context at all. If you read them particularly the OT you will find women portrayed in a totally negative way beginning with Eve (the first scientist). Women were mostly portrayed as prostitutes and slaves. Given that 85 % of Americans are in the Judeo-Christian tradition and that many major religions are male hierarchies, it would be foolish not to admit this as a cultural force. Things changed in the New Testament with Christ where we do find some decent treatment of women. Alas most churches are more likely to preach the OT stuff than the Sermon on the Mount. I don't think questioning religion amounts to "bashing" necessarily. In my 65 year experience with religion, I have found it almost incapable of any sort of self-examination.

[allthings]

I am more upset at culturally passed on attitudes that just never stop. From the moment a girl can understand language, everyone keeps going on and on how "cute she is" and "how pretty" and how she is going to have lots of boyfriends. For boys, how "big" they are, how they are a "little man" and praised based on what kind of task they can perform and how agressive they are in getting what they want.

Later on it becomes "Women will trade their self respect for security and a man who provide it" and "all guys want is a girl who will be submissive" I really dont think it has a thing to do with the Bible.

What Rihanna supposedly did was to lose her temper and say unkind things
What her paramour did is a pattern of multiple assaults. They are not anywhere near the same.

Of course, I'm gay so gender stereotypes are just so much academics for me.

I had a 4 year romance once with someone people would say "took on more of the female stereotypical" behavior of the relationship. We got into some pretty heated arguments but we NEVER EVER thought of raising our hand to each other in anger.

Back to the religious argument - If people have shaped their gender politics around Genesis 1 why havent they shaped their interpersonal lives around

[luziannagirl]

So how many women who think "running your mouth" and getting up in a man's face isn't reason for him to put his hands on her in violence, also spank their children?

The use of violent and aggressive force to discipline children teaches them that might makes right, power trumps fairness, and humiliation is the ultimate persuader. And when kids get a spanking because they were violent to someone---it teaches them that another act of violence cancels out the first act of violence.

Teaching men to use their words rather than their fists starts by modeling positive conflict resolution behavior when they are boys.

[Nommo]

It is time for all those old stories to be put to bed. It is time for the emotions to catch up with the technology we are capable of. No point in being able to create uber weaponry only to have it likely utilized at the whims of the petulant and childish. It seems to me that for all the religion at our disposal there might be a more enlightened attitude towards life, where the impetus is to improve the lives of all instead of those just deemed worthy by the "word" of who or whatever is supposed to be running the whole shebang. Are we not grown up enough to come to those conclusions?

All so called religious texts have been worked over by many hands to fulfill the need of the group currently in charge at any given moment. Besides, why would an omnipotent, omniscient and whatever other omni characteristically gifted being choose the crop of idiots past to spread its word? Why wait for people to invent a press, why not just send one down?

All religious notions are crafted to meet the psychological needs of the group in question, whoever they may be. What satisfied humanity 5,000 or 2,000 whatever years ago needs, outside of any entertainment value, to be sitting with the Edsel Ford. It wasn't even fun while it lasted.

[hotone]

Well that's an interesting way of looking at things. Hadn't thought about that connection, but it makes sense. Thanks for making me think about what I believe, and what myths not to pass on to my two sons.

[melmoid]

Wow! Very perceptive blog. Of course a careful reading of the Old Testament reveals the source of this patriarchy that continues to this day in many religious institutions including the Mormons and the Catholics to name but two. With a few notable exceptions particularly in the first books of the OT, the women are prostitutes. God orders not only the enemies of the Israelites murdered and mutilated but also all the women and children. We will not survive as a species unless we jettison this nonsense and come to a much more ecological and nurturing view of nature including its feminine aspects. (See the books Woman and Nature by Susan Griffin and the poetry of Mary Oliver.) As a male Christian naturalist, I think some part of the Christ story can be salvaged. At least Christ respected women and in fact his mission was enabled by them. We certainly didn't see any men hanging around the cross.