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Dear Oprah
Dear Oprah,
America (and quite possibly the world) has been watching your private battle of the bulge for the last 20 years, and we feel your pain. Having battled an eating disorder myself (along with other addictions), I understand what you're going through. Now, as a health & wellness educator, I often work with people who are going through hard times with their weight. So I hope you'll forgive my presumption here and allow me to offer a few words of advice.
But before that, let me say how much I appreciate the way in which you share your private journey on such a public stage. When celebrities are willing to show their weaknesses, it makes it much easier for the rest of us to admit we may have the same problem and to take the necessary steps to heal. So thank you for courage.
I know you plan a mea culpa address on January 5th on The Oprah Winfrey Show to kick off Best Life Week. Please stop apologizing for your inability to keep off the weight you lost through the drastic liquid diet that helped you shed 60 pounds. You've gained back 40 of those pounds, but it's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You don't have to be mad at yourself for "falling off the wagon." Addictions are impossible to heal when you haven't fully addressed the original wounds that created the addiction in the first place.
Because you have shared your story with the public, I feel safe in observing that the trauma you experienced as a child growing up in Mississippi, moving a lot and shuffling between households, and being sexually abused by your uncle, cousin, and a family friend all left deep scars. Becoming pregnant at fourteen and having your son die shortly after birth was an enormous emotional burden to bear at such a young age. As you have said in the past, "I've felt safer and more protected when I was heavy. Food has always been comforting."
More nutrition and/or exercise gurus won't help you get to the root of the problem. It's important to remember that the power to heal the original wound that created this behavior and the power to heal the emotional pain lies only within you. The abuse you lived through as a child left you with a deep well of shame. In my healing work, I would call this a distortion of the second chakra, the energy center most related to substance abuse and addiction. If the healthy flow of energy is blocked in the second chakra, we can develop poor boundaries with others and within ourselves. The second chakra also governs how we find pleasure.
When you are unhappy, not feeling good, you go back to food.
You are an educated woman, a brave woman who brought sexual abuse out in the open in many of your shows, but you have not yet dispelled all the lingering shame from the early abuse. It's that place that can get triggered. Look at what happened around the time you started to pack the pounds back on. Did it coincide with the awful abuse scandal at your girls' leadership school in Africa? When you went racing to Africa to deal with the situation, you apologized to the pupils and parents at the school "I've disappointed you. I'm' sorry. I'm so sorry." As if their abuse was your personal shame.
"I was, needless to say, devastated and really shaken to my core when I first heard this news," Winfrey said. Young girls being shamed and abused in a place you had established as a safe haven for them would have brought up all the past demons of your life, and triggered your shame. Food would have been the natural way to self-medicate from the pain of the reopened early childhood wounds.
As we get older, the emotional pain and traumatic experiences that we have buried deep within come back to haunt us -- frequently as physical problems. Thyroid conditions are rampant among women because most women never vocalize the shame and pain of their lives. Here you are, possibly the most vocal women on the planet today, who has spoken out often about abuse and acted swiftly to fix the situation in Africa, and yet there are still things you can't say -- even to yourself.
Thyroid problems relate to the fifth chakra, the energy center located at the throat, and are commonly connected to blockages in the second chakra. Accessing and releasing the buried shame would not be hard for you with a little help. You have become so much more conscious over the years, and so much more aware of the way the dots connect between emotions and physical difficulties.
When you go back to food for comfort, it is a sign for you that your energy field is out of balance. You speak of balance in O magazine, and external balance between work and the rest of our lives is important, no doubt. But, first and foremost, the balance of our own energy field is vital if we are to be healthy and happy.
Let's also acknowledge the difficulty inherent in being a food addict. Those addicted to booze or cigarettes or drugs can live without those substances, but we need to eat in order to live. And as we addicts know, a little something often leads to a lot more of that something. And we don't have the option of staying away from food altogether.
Many people are not willing or able to look inside and see the reason they are starving or stuffing their bodies. They are trying to stave off the hurt and the pain without confronting and releasing it. Far more powerful than fitting into size 10 Calvin Klein jeans is the feeling that you don't ever have to be ashamed of what happened to you. Shame is such a dense energy. Children wear shame as if it belongs to them. The longer they carry that trance of shame into adulthood, they will unconsciously find ways of shaming themselves over and over again. "I was talking the talk, but I wasn't walking the walk. And that was very disappointing to me," is said by someone who still feels the shame of her lost little girl.
You are walking the walk. It just isn't a straight path. Our life challenges spiral back around again and again so we can face them from a slightly more conscious place each time. You are a brave lady for putting it front and center so all those who watch you can be inspired to take on their own demons. You're a warrior in the cause of self-improvement!
Find a beautiful dress for the inauguration and go with your head held high, your heart full of hope for a better world that you are instrumental in creating. Whatever your size, you will always loom large in minds and hearts of us all. When you finally wipe away the remnants of old shame, the pounds will melt away!
Warmest regards,
Deborah King
Follow Deborah King on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TruthHeals
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hEY EVERYBODY, say "good morning" to MENOPAUSE.
Sincerely,
The Grand Worthy Matron
Dear Deborah:
I couldn't agree with you more! When we continue to be hooked by the energetic/emotional cords from our earliest (unhealthy) imprint, we tend to act from a place of the inner wounded child. When we are pushed into a corner, the wounded child comes out, usually in a sabotaging manner. This can take many forms, among them, overeating, alcohol abuse, and many other dependencies.
As an Intuitive Profiler and Medium, I work with clients every day who don't like the results they're getting out of life. They know they are unhappy, but don't always truly understand why. Mostly, they believe it is someone else (spouse, parent, boss, child) causeing them undue stress. Projection. The wounded child does not like to take responsibility for its behavior.
I "see" these counterproductive cords and sever them instantly, releasing the client to begin to take accountability for their own life (vibration). This modality has measurable results and many clients claim they feel "lighter" afterward, which shifts their personal vibratory frequency.
It is only through acknowledging that we are all vibrating creatures that we can begin to notice what The Law of Attraction is about. Once we understand this universal law, we begin to live with intention and on purpose.
Since when is such a well-publicized "battle of the bulge," "private"? Now, it's very public and very intentional. It's one of the key ways that Oprah makes money.
This is perhaps the best commentary on Oprah's weight (re)gain I've read yet even as I don't completely buy into the chakras concept. As someone who also struggled with an eating disorder, I can say that trying to manage one's weight without addressing the underlying, often emotional issues driving disordered behaviors is like trying to treat a brain tumor with Aleve.
It's important to note that not all fat people overeat or have disordered eating, but for someone like Oprah who is an admitted "food addict," her weight is but a symptom of a larger psychological issue. Oprah doesn't need fitness trainers or nutritionists; she needs therapy.
Oprah Winfrey has a beautiful heart and spirit. She has never seemed anything but beautiful to me whether skinny or not. It is the very traumas she has experienced, and her reactions to them as she works so hard to become ever more the person she wants to be, that have made her a person who has so much to share and to give. Bless you girl. It'll be all right. As long as you keep loving, it'll be all right.
Well ironic though it may be the shift has to be away from food. We are so obsessed with body image and less so with being healthy.
When I became a vegetarian 7 years ago I lost over 50 lbs....after a lifetime of dieting, struggling, yo-yoing from a size 4/6 to a 10/12.Being so physically uncomfortable at my heaviest was the final straw. During this period I went through some of the toughest personal challenges that of course triggered turning to food yet I went deeper into my meditation life and I can't say how or when or why but I made the decision internally to stop eating flesh (chicken and meat and lamb etc) then other small healthy decisions followed (eliminating sugar and white flower). I felt better each day. A year later I stopped consuming all seafood and dairy...then the pounds dropped for real. Each year more changes followed such as going to 50% raw food consumption and reducing portion size. People still comment on the weight lost and though I share that it has been effortless no one wants to become vegan to loose weight.
Weight loss was not why I became a vegan (it was more to live my principles) but I learned that through changing my relationship to food my emotional need for it subsided.There is a whole new delicious world out there that can be enjoyed without gaining weight, feeling guilty or suffering!
Like me, Oprah Winfrey is addicted to refined carbohydrates, especially sugar. Just as an alcoholic cannot have even the smallest amount of alcohol without drinking too much, I cannot have any amount of sugar without eating until I am completely sick. I haven't eaten sugar in over 23 years. I never miss it, and consider myself blessed. I've seen her on her show when there are diet and cooking segments, and it's very obvious that she's addicted to sugar. Withdrawal is tough, but you get through it and once you're through it, it's a whole different, and much better world. It's true that everyone needs to eat, but you can live a wonderful life without sugar and other refined carbohydrates. I hope she gets this.
Yes, all fat people have a fundamental emotional problem. Hate to say it, but yo-yo dieting can cause thyroid problems. But, far be it from anyone to mention that!
Oprah, please stop dieting. Work on your health.
Um, yeah, there is a bit of blaming the victim going on here. A sick thyroid doesn't happen because of a character disorder or inablility to express shame or because you are inadvertently blocking your voice because society conspires to keep you silent. What a bunch of malarky.
As a patient with multiple autoimmune diseases (Graves,' Hashimotos, celiac disease), I resent very much the suggestion that I might have avoided being ill by expressing myself more. I'm a writer, a singer, and an artist...all I DO is express myself.
And frankly, I don't see Oprah as the quiet type. Whatever her problems, the inability to speak out isn't one of them, whatever chakra is nearby.
The reason Oprah has gained forty pounds since her diagnosis is likely she isn't being treated properly. Does she even know whether she has thyroid antibodies? Does she have Hashimoto's disease? Is she aware of the low-level of diagnostic accuracy in today's endocrinology methods (a TSH test is NOT enough to consider someone in healthy thyroid range if they exhibit symptoms of low metabolism.) Does she know she can be replacing missing hormone with natural hormone? I don't hear her talking about any of these things which, resolved, could make a huge difference in how all women with thyroid conditions are treated.
It sounds like Oprah's problem is she has a bad doctor.
Kit in St. Louis
ms king,
are you aware that virtually _all_ autoimmune diseases are much "more prevalent in women than men"? i readily found a pubmed study that cites a disparity that "ranges from a modest 2:1 for multiple sclerosis, to approximately 10:1 for systemic lupus erythematosus".
actually, female/male would be more descriptive, since "many childhood forms of autoimmunity, such as juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, exhibit female predominance" also.
so, does your throat chakra / repressed speech theory apply to all these other auto-immune conditions too?
[ quotes from
"The role of X-chromosome inactivation in female predisposition to autoimmunity" ]
http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=17816
Our modern medical model has been nearly useless in treating or stemming the rising tide of autoimmune diease. Treating the physical issue alone is rarely successful. An official diagnosis can be a double-edged sword; powerfully validating if used in creating a plan of action to explore what 'created' the disease, or allowing one to fall into a state of self-pity.
I believe the role of the thymus (physical, emotional, energetic) in autoimmune disease can be tested scientifically. The 5th chakra, which Ms King refers, is associated with voice, creativity, and how you exert your will in the world is not connected to the thymus, in my experience. The thymus chakra can be stimulated to assist balancing/strengthening the immune system. When fully functional, it assists navigation of transitional phases and identity shifts, and connects one to the sustaining life-force energy of the universe, or God. How we as women are not in alignment with the energy governed by this center is part of my own healing. It has nothing to do with exerting personal power(which Oprah has in droves)but with accepting yourself completely, knowing you are loved as a child of God simply because you exist.
This relates to weight in the ability of food to nurture and 'protect'. It is also a way of hiding. Not just from the outside world, but from the very emotional issues trapped within ourselves that provide the only real key to unlocking our own personal healing.
Miss King, that was one of the most thoughtful, articulate and genuinely kind offerings to Oprah Winfrey that any person or therapist could have given her. I like the part at the end, regarding "walking the walk..." All that is required is that we try......and I don't think anyone doubts for a minute that Oprah has tried, and tried her best. She's being too hard on herself regarding this subject, as I think her Father nailed it a long time ago when he told her to look at all of the other women in her family....they were all big. To be truthful, for all she has accomplished and all she has to maintain (just how many people does she employ now.....??) and how well she has endured the entire celebrity orbit thing, it could be worse girl. 'Least you put your panties on before you get in the car.....I have yet to see a crotch shot of Oprah getting out of a car she crashed into a curb or tree.
I noticed she was starting to gain weight, but I didn’t know how much. I read here (www.projectweightloss.com) about her solution to this weight problem and, wow, she’s so brave.
When Oprah was all "make the connection" and constantly talking about losing weight, it made me feel horrible because I just couldn't make the connection.
And when she got thin I was happy for her, but miserable for myself. I have long since forgotten about that stuff, but was reminded by this article.
I thought Oprah had dealt with her shame and guilt. That was part of the connection she was talking about. It makes me wonder what is coming next from her.
Dr. Oz is more effective at showing people how our diet affects our lives than any exercise/diet guru.
I have the utmost respect for Oprah, as a humanitarian and philanthropist, and general role model. She is the most visible example of what happens to a child who experienced sexual abuse. Children, I think, whether they are sexually abused or made to feel worthless by any other means, share some of the same issues. I was not sexually abused; I was forgotten when I was 11 years old, after a particularly nasty divorce that tore the family apart, and we three children were "stolen" from my mother who did not fight hard to get us back. The overwhelming feeling that I was left with was worthlessness. No one cherished me anymore, no one brushed my hair, made me pretty for school, taught me what it was to be a loved and beautiful girl. I grew up from then on, feeling ugly and not worth anyone's time to pay attention to me. I am heavy now. I "dressed" myself, so to speak, so there would be a real reason no one cherished me. I am 40, and I am trying to get out of this feeling. I have two beautiful children and I married for the first time this year. My husband says I am beautiful. Inside, I am still eleven years old, struggling to make sense of what happened to me. I don't know if you can get past it. It is ingrained. My children won't feel it the way i did. That may be all I can do.
Our society denigrates women who are more than a size 0. Yes, and god forbid we should show the characteristics of aging! We are to be eternally slim and ageless. Are we to have no character, as well? Yes, there are thyroid problems, and I've found that menopause brings it's own set of problems, including changing the shape of our bodies and our waistlines... making them nonexistent. There are some who seem to age so well, but not me! Ole woman AGE is not flattering to me. What is wrong w/ our celebs being human, and make it ok to be a size 12 or 14 or 16? Doesn't inner beauty count? It should count more than our external appearance.
O, you have a beautiful soul. And you have done so much good in the world. Those accomplishments and your fine qualities should be more noted than your dress size. you go, girl!
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