Dear Oprah
Dear Oprah,
America (and quite possibly the world) has been watching your private battle of the bulge for the last 20 years, and we feel your pain. Having battled an eating disorder myself (along with other addictions), I understand what you're going through. Now, as a health & wellness educator, I often work with people who are going through hard times with their weight. So I hope you'll forgive my presumption here and allow me to offer a few words of advice.
But before that, let me say how much I appreciate the way in which you share your private journey on such a public stage. When celebrities are willing to show their weaknesses, it makes it much easier for the rest of us to admit we may have the same problem and to take the necessary steps to heal. So thank you for courage.
I know you plan a mea culpa address on January 5th on The Oprah Winfrey Show to kick off Best Life Week. Please stop apologizing for your inability to keep off the weight you lost through the drastic liquid diet that helped you shed 60 pounds. You've gained back 40 of those pounds, but it's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You don't have to be mad at yourself for "falling off the wagon." Addictions are impossible to heal when you haven't fully addressed the original wounds that created the addiction in the first place.
Because you have shared your story with the public, I feel safe in observing that the trauma you experienced as a child growing up in Mississippi, moving a lot and shuffling between households, and being sexually abused by your uncle, cousin, and a family friend all left deep scars. Becoming pregnant at fourteen and having your son die shortly after birth was an enormous emotional burden to bear at such a young age. As you have said in the past, "I've felt safer and more protected when I was heavy. Food has always been comforting."
More nutrition and/or exercise gurus won't help you get to the root of the problem. It's important to remember that the power to heal the original wound that created this behavior and the power to heal the emotional pain lies only within you. The abuse you lived through as a child left you with a deep well of shame. In my healing work, I would call this a distortion of the second chakra, the energy center most related to substance abuse and addiction. If the healthy flow of energy is blocked in the second chakra, we can develop poor boundaries with others and within ourselves. The second chakra also governs how we find pleasure.
When you are unhappy, not feeling good, you go back to food.
You are an educated woman, a brave woman who brought sexual abuse out in the open in many of your shows, but you have not yet dispelled all the lingering shame from the early abuse. It's that place that can get triggered. Look at what happened around the time you started to pack the pounds back on. Did it coincide with the awful abuse scandal at your girls' leadership school in Africa? When you went racing to Africa to deal with the situation, you apologized to the pupils and parents at the school "I've disappointed you. I'm' sorry. I'm so sorry." As if their abuse was your personal shame.
"I was, needless to say, devastated and really shaken to my core when I first heard this news," Winfrey said. Young girls being shamed and abused in a place you had established as a safe haven for them would have brought up all the past demons of your life, and triggered your shame. Food would have been the natural way to self-medicate from the pain of the reopened early childhood wounds.
As we get older, the emotional pain and traumatic experiences that we have buried deep within come back to haunt us -- frequently as physical problems. Thyroid conditions are rampant among women because most women never vocalize the shame and pain of their lives. Here you are, possibly the most vocal women on the planet today, who has spoken out often about abuse and acted swiftly to fix the situation in Africa, and yet there are still things you can't say -- even to yourself.
Thyroid problems relate to the fifth chakra, the energy center located at the throat, and are commonly connected to blockages in the second chakra. Accessing and releasing the buried shame would not be hard for you with a little help. You have become so much more conscious over the years, and so much more aware of the way the dots connect between emotions and physical difficulties.
When you go back to food for comfort, it is a sign for you that your energy field is out of balance. You speak of balance in O magazine, and external balance between work and the rest of our lives is important, no doubt. But, first and foremost, the balance of our own energy field is vital if we are to be healthy and happy.
Let's also acknowledge the difficulty inherent in being a food addict. Those addicted to booze or cigarettes or drugs can live without those substances, but we need to eat in order to live. And as we addicts know, a little something often leads to a lot more of that something. And we don't have the option of staying away from food altogether.
Many people are not willing or able to look inside and see the reason they are starving or stuffing their bodies. They are trying to stave off the hurt and the pain without confronting and releasing it. Far more powerful than fitting into size 10 Calvin Klein jeans is the feeling that you don't ever have to be ashamed of what happened to you. Shame is such a dense energy. Children wear shame as if it belongs to them. The longer they carry that trance of shame into adulthood, they will unconsciously find ways of shaming themselves over and over again. "I was talking the talk, but I wasn't walking the walk. And that was very disappointing to me," is said by someone who still feels the shame of her lost little girl.
You are walking the walk. It just isn't a straight path. Our life challenges spiral back around again and again so we can face them from a slightly more conscious place each time. You are a brave lady for putting it front and center so all those who watch you can be inspired to take on their own demons. You're a warrior in the cause of self-improvement!
Find a beautiful dress for the inauguration and go with your head held high, your heart full of hope for a better world that you are instrumental in creating. Whatever your size, you will always loom large in minds and hearts of us all. When you finally wipe away the remnants of old shame, the pounds will melt away!
Warmest regards,
Deborah King
Follow Deborah King on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TruthHeals
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I agree that Oprah needs to stop apologizing and feeling so ashamed of her weight. It broke my heart to see a pre-teen staring at the cover of the latest O magazine -- another image sent to a child that shows a person not happy being themselves.
Some people are just meant to be rounder than others.
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Fascinating take on the thyroid and shame. I permanently removed over 50 pounds 7 years ago ... having a lifetime of 'fat' shame and I, too, have a sluggish thyroid. Makes sense to me.
I've written to Oprah, myself, a funny take ... offering help. Feel free to visit my blog and leave a comment.
Thank you!
These are lovely thoughts about the emotional and psychological reasons for food addiction. There is another problem with keeping weight off. Physiologically we make more fat cells when we overeat and they never go away when we lose weight, we just empty some of them. They demand filling again and the cravings for types and amounts of food overcome most of us so that we put the weight back on, time after time.
I knew all the positive things Oprah was saying about never going back to being heavy were just wishful thinking and the truth is permanent weight loss is a daily struggle for the rest of her life. Just like in mine.
Great quote:
"You are walking the walk. It just isn't a straight path. Our life challenges spiral back around again and again so we can face them from a slightly more conscious place each time."
Thanks...I
I love Oprah Winfrey for raising the bar for celebrities, creating a new standard requiring that the popular entertainers do something of value with their lives and their wealth. And to make it even better, she promotes reading books. So I think she's just terrific.
I would encourage Oprah to move this weight debate beyond the personal. It too often is portrayed as a personal failure, a weakness, when in fact it is a problem created by a nation dedicated to profit and corporations who do not care how many people they kill as long as they're making money. How can someone working 2 jobs be expected to have a healthy lifestyle, diet, and regular exercise? How can we expect kids to grow up healthy when they have nothing to do after school except watch TV and eat junk.
We have a national crisis of overweight people leading to a future full of medical problems, knee and back failures, diabetes, heart problems. The take-over of our food production system by corporations interested only in profit, without any concern for how many people they kill, is the root of the problem. The failure of society to provide healthcare to everyone, to support daily exercise, real childcare, to educate about nutrition, to encourage people rather than exclude and ridicule them if they don't have a perfect body -- this is a crisis, and Oprah would be the perfect person to try to start framing a national solution.
Deborah, I enjoyed your blog very much! I really appreciate what you shared about the chakras. I think that having an open mind about them and incorporating that knowledge with western medicine is very helpful. As for Oprah, I agree that she is way too hard on herself for, "not walking the walk." She is shaming herself, and it's sad. I too appreciate that she shares her struggle with the public, but it's unfortunate that she frames it like she's admitting to a terrible "sin." In the past, I would get really down on myself when I binged and/or gained weight. Lately I still feel upset, but it is easier to see it as my way of letting myself know that I'm out of balance. Some need isn't getting met, and I've just gone back to old patterns and behaviors. That's it. I haven't disappointed anyone or need to berate myself. I hope Oprah finds more kindness and compassion for herself. I hope we all do.
That's a lot of information for Oprah to take in - makes sense. Hope she takes it well!
It is obvious to anyone watching The Oprah show in the last season that she's gained weight. But here's the thing. I don't think she looks bad and I think all this public crying over the weight gain is ridiculous. Sure, she may have personal goals she wants for herself, and I can appreciate that. I'm considered "overweight" by societal standards also. But I've given up on feeling bad about myself. I keep up with my health and am working towards making sure I can stay healthy. But the obsession with weight is sending the wrong message - that being an "ideal" or certain weight is essential to your attractiveness or happiness. Oprah is hardly morbidly obese, which is another situation altogether. But she is 55 and with a self-admitted thyroid disorder. Her weight doesn't seem that far out of what's normal, especially for a woman with a demanding job who's dealing with enormous stress. The only reason I can think of that she's being so hard on herself is that she, unlike many black women in the same situation, has the resources to get a lot of help. If I was in her shoes, I wouldn't be crying about my weight issue, I'd be getting my chef, trainer and doctor/gur
hellifiknow,
You are correct that the weight issue is secondary.
What might be difficult to understand is that hypothyroid doesn't just lead to weight gain. It can maky you feel tired, foggy minded, cold, just generally miserable.
All the money in the world does not save one from that, and BRAVO to Opra for being so productive in light of that.
The liquid diet she went on was 15 years ago. She had several ups and downs since then and the last time she lost weight she hired her own trainer and meal planner and I thought she had the problem under control. It goes to show you that no matter how much money you have, if you have an eating disorder and it controls you. It take a lot of work to be slim or even goal weight if you have tendencies to be overweight.
I never had a weight problem in my life and always stayed between 118 and 122 pounds. But, I quit smoking 6 years ago and gained 20 pounds over the past 6 yeas. I was 122 pounds and a size 4 and some say too thin. Now I am 145 pounds and a size 8 and batlling to get it off while my lover and my friends say they think I look healthier. I am also going to be 65 in a few months and I must admit I am not as hard on myself as I used to be about weight I think a woman should be allowed to get old and she should be allowed to gain a few pounds without having to worry about what someone else thinks. Men don't seem to stress over this
I agree with Deborah, and think Oprah is too hard on herself with this weight gain. I can't imagine trying to juggle what Oprah does and try to maintain weight too, and although we all want to maintain our weight there must be an underlying root issue to deal with as well. This is where I agree with Deborah King. I think that we must internalize what is going on in order to address the problem. Or, get rid of the problem altogether. I respect the fact that Oprah wants to address the public about the weight gain on the 5th of January, and I think taking Deborah's advice would make this time far more effective.
Somehow I don't think the writer is dismissing medical treatment. Those of us who strongly believe in the connection between our emotional body and physical body know that the only really effective cures come from working on the combination of both. As a fan of Oprah's, I remember the show she had about the Biggest Loser winners, and which ones had gained back all the weight they had lost. It was only the ones who changed at a deeper level than game player or nutrition/exercise who managed to maintain their weight loss. To me, what this writer is saying makes sense.
I must say --- your discussion of how food addicts can not completely abandon food in order to survive is right on! And the discussion about how many of us that have personally dealt with addiction know only to well how a little bit of something .... leads to more of that same something.
Excellent post!
Mary Shomon,
I couldn't agree with you more about the fact that thyroid disease is not steeped in a lack of self-expression -- this is a viewpoint of an outsider looking in, not an insider looking out. There's just so much mumbo-jumbo and pop science mixed in with science and medicine that unfortunately it ultimately works against women, not for them. Does someone ask for a genetic disease or DNA mutation? Unfortunately, the kind of thinking that blames the victim rather than hereditary or environmental factors is what creates a culture that continues to keep women from getting the right help. I don't consider the point of view expressed here to be advocating of women with thyroid disease at all. But hey, it's just one (informed) opinion.
Dear Oprah,
Deborah King clearly means well.
But as a thyroid patient advocate for a decade, and a thyroid patient myself, I need to tell you that while holistic approaches can complement treatment, thyroid problems also need medical treatment. Your decision to stop thyroid medication is directly related to your weight gain.
Thousands of women developed thyroid problems after the Chernobyl disaster. Were those women stifling their self-expression? What about women exposed to thyroid-damaging perchlorate in America's drinking water. Are they swallowing their words, or swallowing contaminated water? What about new mothers? Are they unable to express themselves, or are imbalanced post-partum hormones expressing themselves?
Here's a wake-up call to women: Thyroid disease results when heredity and genetics, autoimmunity, environmental exposures, viral infections, and hormonal shifts come together in a perfect storm to trigger a dysfunction. And while emotional and physical stress contribute to health, these factors are only part of a larger, complicated thyroid puzzle.
Oprah, you don't have to weigh 200 pounds, and you don't have to lose your thyroid battle. And more than balancing their throat chakras, you and women everywhere need proper thyroid treatment.
Six Reasons Why Oprah Winfrey Doesn't Have to Weigh 200 Pounds
http://thy
Quiz: Could You Be Hypothyroid?
http://thy
Mary Shomon
Thyroid Patient Advocate
Author: The Thyroid Diet http://www
Living Well With Hypothyroidism, http://www
I didn't suggest that Oprah stop taking thyroid medication. (I understand she is no longer taking that medication, however). I always counsel those who ask for my help to continue on with their medication until their health improves. What I did suggest to Oprah is that dealing with the underlying issues might very well have a positive impact on her health overall.
You are a "thyroid" advocate, so I imagine you are aware that thyroid conditions are more prevalent in women than men by a ration of five to one and typically arise after physical or emotional crises. Working with countless women, I've learned that we women are more likely to have problems with our thyroids because historically we have repressed much of what we want to say. Swallowing our words has an actual physical impact on the thyroid gland - it tends to shut it down. Expression can turn this around.
I am in favor of not modeling ourselves on celebrities. We need to take charge of our own lives, and love ourselves. Hence, in a humorous vein:
http://www
Ms. King,
There are many ways that the thyroid can misbehave, and "thyroid medication" does not help very many of them.
Some of the newest research indicates that as much as 90% of thyroid problems are auto-immune (Hashimoto's) and Opra's ups and downs point in that direction.
For autoimmune thyroid, Western Docs prescribe thyroid replacement for life, but symptoms often come back. It seems that certain food sensitivities cause the immune system to "fire up" and do damage to the thyroid, and this sometimes causes episodes of mania or anxiety, and then is followed by periods of reduced thyroid function (fatigue, mental fog,). This is very confusing to the patient, who cannot gauge what it is, but can tell something is wrong.
Now consider that number above: 90% of hypothyroid could be Hashimoto’s. (This is a new number, but even older medical books like the Merck Manual have numbers like 80%)
And regarding your views on personal crisis, stress hormones can play a big role in throwing off the immune system. This could possibly “turn on” the autoimmune response, but learning how to express oneself will not turn the disease back off.
I am not disregarding your work; just pointing out that “thyroidadvocate” has a proper perspective as well. And your counseling work would be much more rewarding if your clients had proper thyroid management. (And not just synthroid)
What would be really helpful would be more research into autoimmune disease because mainstream Western meds can’t do much.
Deborah -- I agree that dealing with stressors may help Oprah with her weight, or improve her health. Living with chronic stress and emotional turmoil -- wherever it comes from -- is a risk factor for many conditions, including thyroid problems and obesity.
Where I have a concern, however, is the implication that women develop thyroid problems because, as you said, "historically we have repressed much of what we want to say..." And that "swallowing our words has an actual physical impact on the thyroid gland -- it tends to shut it down..."
I agree that a whole-person, integrative approach -- utilizing the best conventional and holistic approaches -- is always optimal for our health. Energy/chakra-work can be part of that approach.
But among the millions of women with thyroid problems, many have no difficulty speaking out, and aren't swallowing their words. We know exactly why they have thyroid disease. These women have a family history of autoimmune disease, or exposure to thyroid-damaging environmental toxins, or they're overconsuming soy. And most importantly, like the majority of women, they've developed thyroid problems during periods of hormonal change -- puberty, pregnancy, post-partum, perimenopause.
Holistic approaches are a wonderful part of a healthy lifestyle. But for the millions of women struggling with thyroid disease who don't have access to or resources to afford holistic treatment, learning to speak out does not take the place of proper thyroid diagnosis and treatment.
Mary Shomon, Thyroid Patient Advocate
http://www
Studies in recent years have shown that many women will test positive for hypothyroid during menopause, but that condition will go away on its own if left untreated. In other words, there is something about the hormonal fluctuations during menopause that lead the body to develop hypothyroid, but it is a temporary condition as opposed to the permanent form which often shows up in younger people.
Further, of course, the drug companies are always pushing to get everyone on drugs for life. It's part of the same corporate system that is feeding Americans the junk that has caused the problem in the first place. This doesn't mean that people should not take drugs when appropriate, but rather that they should try other methods before running to the drug store. For example, exercise can improve energy levels and reduce weight. People who eat too much in the first place, or eat high-calorie low-nutrition food (particularly the sugary kind) may have low energy which could change by omitting some things from their diets, but without starting on a life-long commitment to taking drugs.
Wow. I'm an open-minded person, and I appreciate your compassion and encouragement for a woman battling the emotional and physical issues that so many of us face. And I'm sure that accessing and releasing shame would do wonders for her. But thyroid problems, last I heard, were more commonly connected to an auto-immune disorder, not "blockages in the second chakra."
There is so much misinformation out there regarding thyroid disorders, and so many doctors treat female thyroid patients with dismissive attitudes -- looking to lab numbers to tell us whether or not we feel well rather than asking us directly; and choosing our treatment based on which pharmaceutical company gives them the most goodies.
Please don't add to the pile of reasons doctors dismiss us by telling Oprah that releasing her shame will help her thyroid. We thyroid patients have enough problems being taken seriously and getting adequate treatment!
I too have a battle with my thyroid. While there are many areas to focus on and treatments to pursue, the underlying factor that needs to be addressed is the amount of stress that Oprah deals with on a daily basis. The pressure and responsibility that define her reality create a feeding frenzy for most if not all health risks and personal addictions. Until her daily pressures and responsibilities become reasonable, I truly feel that her path will continue to be uphill.
Thanks for your comments, but kindly note that I connected the thyroid to the fifth chakra, located in the throat, not to the second chakra.
One other clarification: I didn't suggest to Oprah that releasing shame would help her thyroid, but rather her weight problem. I did suggest that more self expression about her early childhood experiences might very well help any lingering thyroid condition.
I am sympathetic to all women whose physicians simply throw a prescription at them when their thyroid panels are off. I would encourage you and all women like you to take the time to find a doctor that treats you with respect and wants to listen carefully to all you have to say. There are many, many good doctors today who have had significant training in the connection between the emotions and our health and want to treat the whole patient. I hope you find one.
unhrainer,
What is even more frustrating is that the numbers that Docs look for are suspect. Most of the medical baselines are arrived at by bell curve analysis. They look at all the panels they run in a region in a year and average them and call the bulk in the middle normal...S
This is why so many people (mostly women) feel miserable, but the doc looks at their TSH number and rules out hypothyroid.
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