As horrifying as the murder of an 8-year-old is, the truly unimaginable aspect of the Melissa Huckaby case, for most people, is her alleged use of a foreign object to rape Sandra Cantu. How could a woman, a mom (!), do this to a little girl? How . . . why . . . with what kind of an object? It's unfathomable, hard to think about, dark, evil. The only "safe" conclusion is that the woman must be insane. In fact, along with other experts, I doubt if Huckaby is insane. And as I know both from personal experience and from working with many abused women, rape with a foreign object is not as unusual as one would like to think.
Let me explain. Sexual molestation is not so much about sex as it's about power. Rape, with or without a foreign object, is an act that disempowers the victim so the rapist can somehow reclaim the power/integrity that was stolen from them at some previous time. The rapist may not remember the physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse he or she suffered as a child. It may be buried deep in the psyche. The person never deals with the trauma, never clears the deep shame and humiliation and fear that were the legacy of the abuse, and so may be at risk to repeat the behavior they learned.
I am in no way suggesting that Melissa Huckaby shouldn't be prosecuted to the full extent of the law for what she did nor am I justifying anyone's behavior on the basis they were once abused. I'm simply trying to help people understand the dynamics of rape with a foreign object and shed light on a very hidden topic. It's a very under-reported crime because the victim is so helpless and humiliated.
Imagine that you were abused when you were a young child, maybe with a stick. It was horribly painful, and you were terrified, but somehow sexual titillation got linked to the use of an object. You split those experiences off from conscious memory and buried all the anger and shame deep inside. You grew up, married, had children. Then one day your child or your brother's child or the neighbor's child, as in Huckaby's case, reaches the age you were when the abuse happened, and you find yourself having thoughts about the child that you know are wrong, but you can't help the forbidden feelings. Should you act on that sexual inclination, you open a Pandora's box of unconscious overwhelming feelings that can get horribly out of control. TV station KCRA 3 reported on its web site that investigators close to the case said Huckaby admitted that Sandra Cantu's death was an accident. That is very possible.
Sexual predators who target young children are often trying, in their own twisted way, to get back the innocence that was stolen from them. They are attracted to the child's light, the child's goodness -- the light and goodness they wish they still had. They are often mirroring their own childhood, trying in a sick way to heal what was done to them.
I was sexually abused by my father from the age of two until I was on the verge of becoming a teenager. Sometimes he would use a hairbrush or a glass coke bottle for penetration. Maybe he'd been abused or severely beaten with a similar object; I don't know. It was horribly painful, and the pain created even more fear. His domination, his power over me, was complete. But I never forgot or denied the abuse, and I spent many many years working diligently on myself to clear the burden of shame and self loathing and rage.
When I entered the health and wellness field, I was amazed at the number of people who reported they had been abused. Perhaps they were unconsciously attracted to me because I was the perfect person to help them on their path of healing. I had passed through the fire and could be compassionate and non-judgmental about their situation.
Over the years, more than several clients confided they had been raped with an object --kitchen utensils, silverware, knives, scissors; one woman reported pieces of glass. A penis isn't going to tear up your insides (unless you're a very small child), but rape a female with something that inflicts real damage and your domination is assured. Plus, an object further disempowers and humiliates the victim. And if the perpetrator is male and feels impotent on any level, an object can be a penis substitute. If the perpetrator was himself or herself abused (and I've yet to see an instance where this was not the case) they will often use the same type of object that was used on them.
In the case of Melissa Huckaby, what is unusual is that this is a woman who abused a young girl, she did not have a male accomplice that she was trying to please, and the abuse resulted in death. She's never ever getting out of jail unless she can prove insanity or temporary insanity, which is highly unlikely given her actions. She went through very sane actions to hide what she had done -- stuffing the dead child in a suitcase, dumping the suitcase in a pond, writing a note, lying to investigators and journalists. These actions make an insanity plea less likely to succeed. I hope this is some very small comfort to Sandra Cantu's parents, who have had to imagine the unthinkable happening to their daughter, last seen skipping down the street in her Hello Kitty t-shirt to the home of her little friend and the friend's mom, the Sunday school teacher.
Follow Deborah King on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Deborah_King
According to the statistics, it's almost unheard of for a woman to do something like this. Sure, women do commit sexual abuse of children - rare, but they do. However, it's usually their own. Women also do not use objects. That's a male thing to do and very rarely used as well. Of all the accusers I've cared for, I've never had a single one who claimed to have been assaulted with an object.
(1) "Sexual penetration" is the act of causing the penetration, however slight, of the genital or anal opening of any person or causing another person to so penetrate the defendant's or another person's genital or anal opening for the purpose of sexual arousal, gratification, or abuse by any foreign object, substance, instrument, or device, or by any unknown object.
(2) "Foreign object, substance, instrument, or device" shall include any part of the body, except a sexual organ.
So, by this definition, the most subtle penetration of a finger or tongue into the "genital or anal opening" would be considered rape by a foreign object. Certainly this is far more common than the examples previously discussed, and the alleged rapist in this case should not be accused of such dramatically more violent abuse than charged without more information.
However, this time she used too much of the muscle relaxant, and the girl died. She freaked out and decided to make it look like a rape and abduction to cover her trail, figuring that they would never suspect her.
There is a story in the Tracy Press about a previous abduction and drugging of a girl in the same trailer park by Melissa Huckaby in January...the girl was drugged with a muscle relaxant that also causes amnesia, and then returned home after four hours.
Thus, it's highly possible that Melissa Huckaby did not intend to kill Sandra Cantu, but to only use her for sexual gratification...Sandra's death may have been an "accidental" drug overdose, as there were no obvious signs of death-inducing trauma. I'm not excusing anyone's behavior, but explaining how someone could be both "innocent" legally and morally guilty of the crime of killing Sandra Cantu...if so this could be negligent manslaughter or possibly murder 2.
She would still be legally and morally guilty of raping a child, for which I hope she rots in prison.
I'm sure there are some trying to explain away their shock, disgust and confusion at this horrific crime with analysis of what may or may not have happened to the alleged perpetrator in the past. I'd also imagine some making comments on the devastating lifelong effects of these brutalities are doing so with hopes of validating the horrors the victim endures long after the attack. These tragic incidents motivate passionate individuals to speak out so that we might encourage victims who aren't able to move forward in their lives to seek help, so we may incite constituents to lobby for stricter laws and harsher punishment, so we might eradicate the stigma surrounding speaking up about child sex abuse. And at the very least, addressing sexual abuse openly and honestly, placing the shame of it on the abuser and not ever, ever, ever on the victim, take aways some of the powerful secrecy in which it flourishes.
To those mentioning that as unbelievable as this (“this” being rape with a foreign object) may seem, they know someone it happened to, sadly I too know someone who shared the nightmare of what was done to her. Even more sadly, given how much more common brutality like this is than most people are able to believe or admit, I’m sure that I, along with many of you, know plenty more who have endured this — we just don’t know about it.
Not even knowing the case intimately, i would argue that in light of the extreme actions of Ms. Huckaby, she is indeed insane, and that her actions are the very definition of insanity. That said, i would add that treatment is the only humane way to deal with this kind of behavior. To incarcerate someone for something like this would be a gross misapplication of 'justice,' and the death penalty would be insanity sublime.
We are all products of our childhoods. This kind of behavior points directly to extremes to which this woman was most likely subjected, and is rarely an isolated event. Is she to be punished once again, for actions taken against her when she was to young to even begin to know how to process them? It is interesting to note that there is no real investigative reporting into her upbringing, so typical of such cases reported in the news today.
Recommended reading would be "For Your Own Good,' by Alice Miller for a start. (http://www.alice-miller.com/books_en.php?page=2 ).
I speak from experience. I was abused when i was a child, and it has taken me years to change or modify the ramifications of that abuse. I am 58 now, and am still peeling back layers of toxic programming due to unfortunate circumstance, ignorance and destructive ideology.
She should never have the chance to do something like this again.
Treat her, cure her, whatever you want, but there is NO WAY you can insure that this is not still inside her.
Once you have identified a child murderer, you have to keep them away from children.
Period.
(I was also been abused as a child - were I ever to find out that something like that happened to one of my sons, I would be devastated - but abuse is one thing, murder is another).
I can't tell you how admirable it is that you could share your story, and how deplorable it is that someone could do anything against beautiful, precious, innocent little children, forever robbing them of their childhood....
my heart so goes out to each one...
Just so folks know, there are literally MILLIONS of children, male and female, severely abused sexually and otherwise in childhood, who through their teens and adulthood experience feelings and desire to reenact that abuse on others and they CHOOSE to NOT DO IT.
Funny, but I bet if the rapist had been male and used a foreign object to rape a young girl, noone would be pulling the, "he was out of control, due to a severe flashback," BS.
Rape is a CRIME and NOT a flashback.