Mothers. Without them, we wouldn't be here. Yet what travails we often have with our own mothers. It doesn't matter if she's alive or dead, if you were adopted or abandoned -- your relationship to your birth mother is still a major factor in your day-to-day life. That umbilical cord may have been cut at birth, but emotional cords tie you two together for life and beyond.
Reams of material have been written about mother-daughter and mother-son relationships, from the Oedipal to the "best friends" variety. We spend nine months (more or less) securely tucked into mother's womb, and we will never have such an extraordinarily intimate relationship with anyone else in our lives.
Of course, not all of us are filled with mother-child memories of warmth and comfort and apple pie. As I said in my book, Truth Heals (Hay House 2009), my mother resented my close relationship with my father and controlled my every move; her parenting was often downright cruel.
It took years of rebellion and decades of spiritual practice for me to be able to forgive my mother, to understand her fears and to love her. Now, in her old age, I visit her and help in whatever way I can during her health crises and hospitalizations. It's been a difficult and complicated relationship, but I can now see and appreciate the gifts I received from her, as the pain and suffering of my childhood provided the foundation for my present-day work as a wounded healer.
This Mother's Day, try to re-examine your relationship with the woman who gave birth to you, but through new eyes. Instead of seeing the old hurts, remembering the old pain of not getting the love you wanted or needed, or, on the other hand, being smothered with non-stop attention and attachment, try to see how that relationship influenced who you have become.
Are you able to feel love for your mother, no matter what happened between you? Have you cleared away the toxic residue of your past relationship within yourself, or do you still have deep dark pockets of pain regarding your mother? Do you parent your own children in the same way you were parented, or in a totally different way?
If you are carrying memories that still hurt, now is the time to bring them into light, to acknowledge whatever happened and to release what no longer serves you. Thank your mother for, at the very least, carrying you within her body and bringing you into incarnation. Journal, journal and journal some more about everything you feel regarding your mother. No matter how long she's been gone from your life, I guarantee you'll find plenty to write about.
So give yourself a gift this Mother's Day -- the gift of re-evaluating and re-examining your relationship with your mother. When you finally express the truth of that relationship -- the truth as you feel it, as you experienced it -- you will find reservoirs of love within you. Far more beautiful than a bouquet of roses, the sweet smell of truth will truly liberate you.
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Giving thanks for the many blessings of love, compassion, forgiveness, surrender, healing which have come from mom. Love her so much!! Jaia
As an adult, I can accept with gratitude the love and discipline my mother instilled in me. I realize that she was only guiding me to have the most wonderful experience of love. I have become a compassionate, creative and loving person because of the energy of gratitude my mother showed me. I am so glad that she did not let me go to certain parties or participate with people who did not have my best interest at hand.
She and I now have a much better relationship and we speak to each other with love, clarity and great respect. Because of her, I am joyous person who lives in Chicago and greets people with a smile. I meet people openly and have conversations like we have been friends for years without fear and judgment. I have been blessed with wonderful friendships in my life because I am a person who loves greeting people with "Hey Hey Hey".
My relationship with my mom was also very emotionally charged when I was growing up and I couldn't wait to get out of that house! But our relationship changed completely when I saw how she loved my children. And then again as she was preparing to leave her body and became more dependent on myself and my siblings, we were fortunate to see another side of her.
A fellow Shaman recently spoke to a group of us about how we can let those who have left this earth ahead of us know that we are ok, all is forgiven, everything is fine... Light a candle at night and say a prayer or remember a time when you and your mom were together. This sounds like the best way to honor my Mom on Mother's Day and every day!
HealthyBoomer
She was very nurturing and loving. She left her body 11 months ago.
When I read your post Deborah (and many others) I wanted to hug the little girl inside and tell her how much she is loved.
I have 3 siblings and when I think back we were all fighting for Mom's attention. I think my Mom put each one of us up on a pedestal. It made me feel like I was the special one and when she gave another attention it created this weird insecurity. Odd thing is I can see where I have created the same thing in my relationship with my two children. Thank you for helping us all tell our truth.
Sadly, my mom has dementia now and is clueless as to who my children are and even who I am. Still, I remember the fears she carried throughout her life and in my own way I am happy that she does not even know of them any more because of her illness.
I wish all us a Happy Mother's Day because it is an honor to be a mother and we are very powerful as women and mothers and need to stay present and know that our children are always watching us, how we act and react. Thanks mom for teaching me so much about giving and caring...Linda Amato