This week another young life was silently lost in our nation's schools. Eleven year-old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover killed himself after enduring months of anti-gay bullying at his school in Springfield, Massachusetts.
Carl's shocking suicide is the latest in a growing trend. Just last week, parents in Ohio filed a lawsuit against the school district where their son, Eric Mohat, was also subjected to ongoing anti-gay harassment before, he too, committed suicide. The pervasiveness of bullying, and more specifically bullying targeted at boys who do not fit into the narrow box of masculinity proscribed for them, has raised alarms among educators and mental health professionals for over a decade.
But still, in the majority of U.S. schools there is still no professional training provided about how and why to handle homophobia; no curriculum that counters pervasive misinformation about gays and lesbians; no visible support for youth who are gender non-conforming, transgender, lesbian or gay; and no mandate for a school wide culture that values speaking out against injustice to make sure truly 'no child is left behind.' How can we still be failing to create learning environments in which youth feel safe to actually learn?
Perhaps it's because the people most affected by anti-gay harassment - youth themselves - are rarely invited to talk openly about the social climate in their schools, or about the underlying prejudice and misinformation that fuels so much of our national bullying epidemic. In fact, most of the time, the adults in charge encourage them to be silent and sweep these issues under the rug. At least seven states, for example, actually have laws prohibiting any discussion of lesbian and gay issues in the classroom, and many other schools often censor these topics in curriculum and student newspapers.
So even though today's students hear dozens of slurs a day, they are told that classrooms are not the place to talk about prejudice, especially around sexual orientation. Feelings go unshared, taunts unchecked, schools unchanged. And the suicides, shootings, and ruined lives continue.
I have had the opportunity to interview hundreds of youth over the last ten years while making several documentary films designed to end this institutionalized silence. Whether the topic is bullying in middle school (Let's Get Real), family diversity in elementary school (That's A Family!), or how high school students navigate the barrage of gender-based pressures (Straightlaced--How Gender's Got Us All Tied Up, our current new release), student after student has jumped at the opportunity to tell me about their experiences with anti-gay harassment. When one (straight) high school football player said he would be called gay for just agreeing to be interviewed, I asked why he chose to participate. "Because I finally had a chance to speak my mind," he replied.
It is not enough to simply say 'be kind,' put up a "No Bullies Welcome Here" poster or encourage the golden rule, like Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover's school did. We have to acknowledge and take action to address the fact that students are targeted because they defy gender norms. We have to stop acting as if it is generic meanness that causes so much pain, and confront the fact that all too often, it is very specifically anti-gay hostility that is the root of the problem.
Today tens of thousands of students across the country will choose to demonstrate their commitment to stopping anti-gay harassment by not saying a word all day, participating in GLSEN's Day of Silence. How ironic that our loudest call for an end to homophobic bullying is being made by youth in a form that cannot be heard. Maybe its time for the adults to start making some noise.
Debra Chasnoff is an Academy Award-winning documentary filmmaker and the Executive Director of GroundSpark, a non-profit organization creating visionary films and educational campaigns that move individuals and communities to take action for a more just world.
In fact, most of the time, the adults at home encourage their children to fear and hate anyone who is different in any way...
This phenomenon is particularly predominant among self proclaimed Christian, conservative and mainstream families who's fierce parochialism has been honed for generations. This is slowly changing, but we have a long way to go. Unfortunately in the interim we will witness such senseless casualties.
Also notice that none of the teachers or the other kids stood up to the bullies. Shame.
We also can’t and shouldn’t count on schools to protect our children from hurt feelings all the time. We must help our children develop the inner grit and resilience to know how to protect themselves from verbal harassment as well as from physical abuse.
Disclosure: In addition to having six children, I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant. I’ve written books of case studies, “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids” and “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks.” Check out my website and blog at BulliesBeGone (http://BulliesBeGone.com).
http://www.ncsl.org/magazine/articles/2008/08sloctnov08_bullying.htm
It was an EASIER choice for him to kill himself, rather than go to a school where hate speech was going unchecked.
We need ZERO-TOLERANCE for hate speech, as we now (try to) have for the N-word. ALL HATE SPEECH has the potential to lead to violence and death.
Rather than teach children to talk to bullys about how bullying makes them feel (which will not gain the respect of the bully) children should be taught self-defense, boxing, tae kwon doe, grappleing and other such physical methods of confrontation. Will the kid win every fight? No, but the bully will then look for an easier target.