Beat the Bitch? Straight Talk on the B-Bomb
Monday, November 12. A small political gathering in South Carolina, captured by the local Fox affiliate: A female supporter asks John McCain,
"How do we beat the bitch?"
Massive chuckles all around, including from McCain, who looks a tad uncomfortable even as his shoulders shake with mirth. He jokingly offers, "May I give the translation?"
"I thought she was talking about my ex-wife!" pipes up a male supporter, convulsing the group again.
As the laughter subsides, McCain says, "But that's an excellent question."
He launches into some poll results that put him a few points ahead of Democratic presidential rival Hillary Clinton. Finally, finally, he says, "I respect Senator Clinton."
See for yourself how long it takes him to come up with that anemic response:
McCain On, "How Do We Beat the Bitch?"
Okay, so I'm pissed off. (Does that make me a bitch?)
This is the latest "straight talk" from McCain?
This guy wants to be the next leader of the free world, and he gives a free pass to someone calling his opponent a "bitch", calls it "an excellent question"? And it took him all that obfuscating just to be able to rally to say, "I respect Hillary Clinton"! Never confronting the dropping of the B-bomb? Are you kidding me?
Maybe you're thinking, "Don't be so sensitive; McCain just didn't want to slam a supporter on camera."
That doesn't cut it with me.
This guy endures years of torture in a POW camp but he doesn't have the stones to say, "Look, I want to beat Clinton as much as you do, but name-calling is disrespectful, and I won't allow it."
Buddy, if you can't even stand up for respecting women among your own supporters, you're not getting my vote.
Of course, McCain would never have tolerated a booster referring to Barack Obama using the N-word (not to mention, the booster would have been stoned on the spot--and all would have been right with the world, at least in that moment, on that (racism) count. And McCain certainly wouldn't have ignored a supporter referring to Barney Frank with the F-word.
And just imagine the firestorm that would have ensued had McCain responded in a similar way to use by a supporter of those other egregious labels above.
So tell me, why should the B-word be any less taboo?
Where's the national, international, outrage over calling any woman--and, no less, someone of Clinton's success and stature--a bitch?
Calling powerful women bitches--and laughing about it or refusing to take a stand to confront it--reveals just another buried prejudice we need to dig up, air openly, and get rid of.
Instead, too many people, just like McCain, look the other way.
In my book Ambitchous, I argue that women need to reclaim ambition for the positive attribute it is; that we as a society need to stop regarding ambitious women who want to succeed as...what else?....bitches; and that women, ourselves, should stop consciously--or unwittingly--buying into society's double standard that celebrates ambitious men as go getters, but marginalizes ambitious women as bitches.
Socially Sanctioned Self-Sabotage
Because of socially sanctioned self-sabotage, women absorb this culturally condoned vilifying of ambitious women, tamp down our natural drive and desire to achieve, and instead pacify ourselves with ideas spoon-fed to us by the culture about what a "real, decent woman" is and does.
Your ideal gal? She's cooperative, fair-minded, eager to give everyone a hearing. Yes, she values success and it's okay for her to say that.
But admit to being that dirty word "ambitious", to having really big dreams? Well, that's over the top.
And if she's tenacious, determined, stubborn, aggressive, committed to excellence in her field, confident--and especially if she's competing against like-minded male peers and feels entitled to earn her worth, power, and recognition? We swiftly unsheathe the B-word to bring her down hard, to put her in her place.
The fact that it was a woman who dropped the B-bomb at the McCain event is the perfect example of socially sanctioned self-sabotage.
I'm sure this McCain supporter thought she was being edgy and funny.
She's really just buying into the same pap that says a woman isn't allowed to be a strong, powerful leader. And this booster is also denigrating her own right, as a woman, to think and debate critically, to be ambitious, strong, competitive, and to make the contribution she has it in her to make.
She, too, has bought into the socially sanctioned idea that the world doesn't deserve to hear from a smart, opinionated ambitious woman who is trying to lead, to challenge our thinking, and to encourage creative solutions and substantive debate about confronting the fiasco in which we find ourselves. This booster has swallowed the notion that a woman has no business trying to make a difference--not because of disagreement with that person's views or positions, but because she's a bitch (code for ambitious woman who is too big for her breeches).
Unease and ambivalence about Clinton as a powerful leader ripples through the viewer feedback on websites and blogs showing the clip. But I paused when I got to "Hells' Kitchen Guy," who writes, "So what if she's a bitch? Is the president supposed to be a doormat? Margaret Thatcher was a bitch. Golda Meir was a bitch. Indira Gandhi was a bitch. Strong women are bitches. Hillary should wear the name like a badge of honor....My point is that strong women should embrace their inner 'bitch', take the word and make it a positive."
Well, it's a step in the right direction, but we can do better.
I disagree that strong woman=bitch. And I disagree that we, as ambitious women, should seize the bitch label as a virtue--that's not what I'm advocating.
What I am saying is that we, as women, can and should reclaim our ambition as a virtue, not a dirty word. Our ambition doesn't make us bitches. Our ambition is the best of who we are. It makes us better, happier, and more fulfilled individuals. It makes us better lovers, partners, spouses, friends, and community members. It makes us better mothers--because we are happier and because we are modeling for our children a life lived with passion for one's big dreams and dedication to developing our talents and intellect.
As ambitious women, we owe it to ourselves and the world to make the contribution we were born to make. The world deserves to hear from us.
And the world ought to value at least considering, seriously, what we have to say rather than dismissing our ideas based on our gender.
All of us--men and women--can and should do better when it comes to refusing to look the other way.
Hey, we've all been there, at the party where someone we know or like suddenly makes a racist or anti-gay comment or a sexist or an anti-Semitic joke. Maybe we don't say anything, maybe we guiltily join in the chuckles. We want to say something, but we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or embarrass someone. So we do nothing, we go along, under social duress, which only ratifies the harmful language, bias, or outright hatred.
No more, okay? It's a weasel move. Let's own it, and let's stop it. And let's stop vilifying powerful women as bitches, and step up and correct others when they say it.
Senator McCain, that's my straight talk. Hope you're listening.
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As a Vietnam veteran, I am constantly ashamed that McCain was in the same branch of the military I served in.
Many brave Americans were captured and imprisoned by North Vietnam during the hostilities. McCain is one of the few who has made a career out of that fact.
It may seem harsh, but in fact, there is no honor in being captured and imprisoned by enemy forces. Certainly, it's unfortunate. But that's it.
Capitalizing on something over which he had no control, in my mind, is dishonorable and casts a pall over those who fought and gave their lives for their country without asking anything in return.
I hope the American people reject this opportunistic gasbag and send him back to the oblivion he so richly deserves.
This is why Hillary Clinton is not the one we should support we will hear this for the next four years. Zero will get done in house or the senate!!! When will the end fighting and name calling end!!! Both sides sounds like a bunch of 10 year olds. Hey, they all call each other names. What is this going to accomplish for America? It will accomplish a big round number (0). Anyone other that Hillary it will be hard to resort to harsh name calling. People need a new face. We all know she cannot bring America together. Please do not fool yourself. Deep down we all know. If the Repubs come up with someone that will ride the middle. Hillary will be toasted. Mark my words!!!!!
It's not that she's called a bitch because she is a strong woman. She's a strong woman that just happens to be a bitch.
Straight talk.
Bush belongs in Jail.
Why would you hug a felon who commits them every day.
How can you call the queen of this country a bitch when the white trash in the white house is a wanna be dictator.
9 tillion dollars later and a destruction of our government to this magnitude means he and his friends are a bunch of assholes and criminals. They can kiss my ass. Bitch.
Give me a break. Since when has private conversations that included curse words a surprise or new(s)? Does anybody in this day and age of pur decadent society believe any of the candidates don't express themselves with colorful language, and often? McCain is an ASS and a hothead and this is a lame Clinton Campaigner nonissue to grasp for more Hillary the Female sympathy. Bad language is the norm my ears experience everday in life, unfortunately. It is no longer just expected to be found around fights, struggles, campaigning politicians (and their staffs), business people at their martini lunches, coaches, athletes, construction crews, you know Americans. All walks of Americans in the course of my life have performed well in their ability to curse. So when has it ever been understood as nice or manerly in politics that it was not present. The MSM wants the public to pretend no body uses foul language unless its scripted, or unless they (MSM) can use it to gain ratings. My guess is that even many people who have decided to vote for Hillary knows she considered to be a Bitch and are voting for her just for that very reason. (Probably the author of this commentary included)
When is the "liberal media" going to tell us the name of the repugnican trollop who called Hillary a bitch? If that were said by a supporter of any Democrat, by now that person's name would be all over the reichwing media and they'd be calling her at home. When are we going to be told HER name??
Look, is anyone really surprised by McCain's lack of respect for women, or anybody, for that matter.
His mother goes on national t.v. and well, let's face it, spews vile regarding Mitty boy and his Mormon upbringing. Now, that women, is a class "A" bitch. So, maybe this is a case of "IT takes one to know one"......
McCain was not the one that used the B word, and maybe if Hillary would try to pretend that she had alittle class, no one else would either.
'Mutt' Romney is essentially the same terminology, isn't it? Where's the outrage?!?!?
Thanks for this post. I agree that we need to weed this big stink out, and it's not a matter of us "owning" the b-word but calling what it is - sexist, misogynistic, and full of hate. I believe sometimes that the speaker may be ignorant or may not realize the full harm in it (just like I see kids calling each other the "N" word and an adult usually has to correct them) but even more reason for McCain (and the rest of us) to say something and not give said speaker a "free ride". [Although, I certainly don't see McCain and that woman as an ignorant kid misusing a word trying to look "cool", neither of them have my respect and I'm extremely disappointed that another woman would disrespect the rest of us that way - shame on her!]
McCain's an asshole,but Hillary really is a neocon bitch.
That's pretty fair,is it not?
Old fool, at least ACT like you have some class and finesse.
Pathetic.
I distinctly dislike hillary but if I were a public official I would never condone the labeling of a United States Senator as a bitch. Same if someone called McCain an asshole. (although there's a lot of evidence suggesting he's one)
I am 1000% percent certain that her own husband has called her that. Probably just before she threw the lamp at him. For crying out loud she's had ex-staff people confess to how difficult working for her is.
Ya know I used to really angry at Bill for the things he did to Hillary, but now I wonder. I'm not saying what he did was right. I'm just saying I'm starting to understand.
On a different note, thanks to all you dems for picking Hillary. I've got moderate friends that would vote for Obama, but never in a million years vote for Hill. Thanks democrats for nominating the only candidate we republicans can defeat. lol.
A sexist double standard? It's deplorable, but not surprising. Unfortunately, just calling the Republicans bigots doesn't help, because they already know that, and their supporters know it and are perfectly happy with it.
Well Debra I am glad you spoke out, because, disappointingly, I do not expect Arianna or Jane Smiley or many of the anti Hillary women to speak to this. They should whether they are supporting Hillary or not. But I am guessing they won't. 8(
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