One of My Kind: Boycott Bad Girl Personas

Elvira's blood-sucking sidekick?

Titillating French maid/cheerleader/Paris Hilton cellmate?

Stroll the aisles of your neighborhood costume shop, and you'll find hundreds of opportunities to "get in touch with your feminine, erotic side."

Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, says that teen girls take advantage of "Halloween immunity"--a one-day pass to dress sexy and trashy without fear of censure. Women young and old say it's the one time of year they get to show a side of themselves that normally lies hidden beneath the Brooks Brothers suit. Some even argue that dressing like Hooters girls is a kind of feminist empowerment, with women calling the shots about how they want to look and dress.

I'm not buying any of it, and neither should you.

This "empowered hot" is just another example of how women self-sabotage by unwittingly absorbing cultural ideas that are, at first glance, desirable qualities females should have (sheep's clothing). "Hey, I'm not a trashy tramp--I'm a confident woman embracing her own sexuality!"

Look deeper, however, and you'll see the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing--that harmful, misogynistic idea masquerading as a positive quality.

And it's not just that you're dressing sexy/trashy. It's also that you're objectifying certain socially-sanctioned womanly roles--maid, nurse, etc. --and then taking them to the extreme; settling for being a nurse instead of a doctor (when you've always had the ambition to be a doctor and have the mind to do so) isn't good enough--you've got to be a hot nurse.

Think you're elevating yourself to go where no girls-gone-wild woman has ever gone before by showcasing yourself in a racy get-up? Think again. Sexually objectify yourself and you're buying into that culturally accepted attitude that your greatest value and attractiveness is measured by the depth of your cleavage and the lift of your stiletto. When you don the explicit costume, you're ignoring, at best, or enabling or fueling, at worst, society's disrespect for women.

And think about this--young girls are watching and imitating you. I've seen kids as young as nine wearing Cat Woman costumes with revealing cutouts. And what are the young boys to make of these images of girls and women and how they, as males, should relate to us? Model something else for the little ones coming up alongside and behind you.

Oh, and, single and looking? Consider the type of partner you want to attract when you're contemplating how you'll present yourself to the world, even for just one night. Remember: the brainy, fully-clothed-yet-somehow-mesmerizing-librarian look attracts a totally different animal than does the Playboy Bunny who has nothing substantive to say or do. Think about it. Step out as Tina Tequila and you'll attract a like-minded buffoon.

I'm all for sexy--but sexy should be the way you define it--free from peer pressure and the influence of a junk culture; sexy shouldn't be ratified by the raunchiness on display at the costume stores. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive, but you needn't cross the line so that you look like a pole dancer.

Don't sell yourself short. Boycott the the dumbing down and objectifying of women: don't buy or make the bad girl costumes, for yourself or for your daughters. Make a pact with your women friends that, this year, you'll go for a different look.

Use your brain, creativity and sense of fun to fashion a costume that makes the statement you want to make about who you are and what makes you feel beautiful, inside and out. Always present yourself to the world in a self-respecting way and you will will draw to you those who are "one of my kind".

Comments

[NatalyKogan]

I have a young daughter and I think about the issues addressed here often. I do think that as parents, we have a responsibility and the ability to influence what our daughters do and how they do it. (Well, at least I like to think so, but I am sure my daughter will try to teach me otherwise!)

[AmySF]

While my daughter is not yet a tween (thank goodness), I have lots of friends with girls between the ages of 8 and 12 and all of them have commented on the sexed up nature of Halloween costumes. They have had to nix 4 or 5 costume options before hitting one that both they and their daughter agree on because the skirts are too short, the tops are too low,etc. Neither I nor the moms I am referring to are particularly PC or overly sensitive. It is simply objectively disturbing to imagine a 9 year old girl in a trashy, trampy Halloween outfit. Should we just assume that whomever decided to make the french maid costume in a youth small is some kind of pervert disguised as a retail executive?

[jeskiley]

That's why I'm going as a Whoopie Cushion.

[lk5287]

OtayPanky: I appreciate your let's all just lighten up attitude which, in the context of a "politically too correct" discussion might have its place. But, this is not that discussion. The author is not being excessively politically correct by suggesting that we consider whether women parading around as over-sexed maids and nurses contributes to some unhealthy stereotypes, which it unquestionably does. And, note that the author is not advocating that women not be sexy, or have fun -- she is simply saying that perhaps we ought to manifest our sexiness in a way that we have chosen for ourselves instead of in a way that society has chosen for us. I don't think that most women feel sexiest when they are dressed up as nurses, maids and secretaries -- if they feel sexy dressing up that way on Halloween, it's because they've seen these cliche costumes around for years, back when women were ONLY nurses, maids and secretaries. By continuing to think of these costumes as THE sexiest costumes for women, we do a disservice to ourselves as women. So, yeah, playing with archetypes is fun but how about we create some new ones that don't make problematic statements about the roles women should play? In short, I think you oversimplify the author's point and miss it -- you think she's saying that we shouldn't indulge fantasies or role-play, etc., and all she's saying is that, this Halloween, we should try to come up with some better fantasies. Maybe, eventually, we can replace some of these outdated archetypes. Nothing wrong (or too PC) about that.

And, btw, do you have daughters? If you did, I think you would not have missed the point -- funny how having a little girl with a brain that's still a clean slate can change the way one looks at something as seemingly innocent as a French maid costume... The fact is that it's really not that innocent, and it's pretty dangerous for a 5 year old to think THAT'S the height of sexy.

[OtayPanky]

lk5287: And, btw, do you have daughters?

===

I have two, raised 'em well, neither became strippers or druggies, both graduated college, one as valedictorian. And you?

To your point: if Congden was simply advocating that children (that's anyone under 18) be constrained in their clothing choices on Halloween, I'd have little problem with what she said.

But she's not content with that. She's trying to enforce social norms for ADULTS.

She's saying...very clearly...that any woman who chooses to dress up on Halloween as Nurse Naughty is betraying herself, and by extension, all women, who fought so hard and are still fighting, yadda yadda.

To which I say...BULLSHIT.

Let her go down to the Village on Halloween, and preach her sermon to my outrageously dressed gay brethren, and see how far she gets.

What we don't need is more of the crotch police - whether on the right (Pat Robertson) or on the left (puritanical feministas).

OTAY!

[Halsey]

guess not much interest in this post..but you write :
I've seen kids as young as nine wearing Cat Woman costumes with revealing cutouts.

THAT is the fault of the parent...NOT the mature woman who wants to be the bad girl for one night a year...look..I verge on feminazi!..but come on!...dressing up like Barbara Eden as Jeannie is a HOOT!...
lighten up...

[OtayPanky]

OK...let's take this conversation out of it's politically too correct context for a minute to deconstruct it.

Here's my question to you: What's your take on the sexually outrageous costumes and behavior at the gay parades?

I say, "We're queer, we're here, get used to it".

And I'm not even gay!

The fact is people love to play with the archetypes - and none are more fun than the sexual archetypes. It's a much needed psychic break from the mundane business of day to day living.

Dressing up in over-the-top hypersexualized fashion is part of what people do...and have done...since time immemorial.

It's part of human self-expression - expression of archetypal power and possibility in the realm of sex and sexuality.

It has nothing to do, per se, with the puritanical version of feminism that has largely been ignored, even by sex-positive feminists.

If someone wants to dress up as Nurse Naughty, or Jocko the Slave, that's his or her business - not yours, or mine.

And that's just as true for men, women, gays, straights, transvestites and transsexuals and aliens.

OTAY!