THE BLOG

8 Ways to Create Your Own Luck in Love

03/29/2014 11:27 am ET | Updated May 29, 2014
  • Debra Rogers Relationship expert and author of "He Did You a Favor"
Dave and Les Jacobs via Getty Images

Do you ever wonder why some girls seem to have tons of luck in love? They meet Mr. or Ms. Incredible the very first time they try online dating. Or an old crush shows up one day and now your BFF's got a rock on her finger the size of a golf ball. Or she has a happy accident with a hottie she just bumps into at a baseball game. Seriously? Meanwhile, you're at home playing solitaire, wondering why you can't seem to find the right person.

The truth is, it's more than luck that causes fortune to smile on someone. So don't leave your love life entirely up to chance. Here are some great tips to make Lady Luck work for you and tip the "odds" in your favor.

1. Change Your Game
Are you stuck in a routine, doing the same thing over and over with no success? Then change your game. Change the playing field. Change something. Go off your well-beaten path. Try a different hiking spot, take your pooch to a new dog park, or take an exotic trip. A friend of mine went to Cabo San Lucas to relax and "get away from it all." Her first day there, she met a guy. They married several years later.

So come up with several fun, fresh ideas of your own. One of them may be just the ticket to having that lucky encounter.

2. Feel Like a Winner
I was always certain I was going to find "the one." Even as I got older and my family playfully poked "Old Maid" jabs at me, I knew in my heart it was going to happen when the time was right. And then I met my guy. We got married in Maui and we had a beautiful daughter together (another thing others believed I may be "too late" for, but I beat the odds on that one, too).

Years later, when I got divorced and was tossed back into the dating pool (only now as a single mom), I felt assured I was going to find someone even better. And I did. I'm now engaged to the most loving, giving man I've ever met.

Whatever my relationship status, my feelings about love never changed. So feel like a winner in the game of love and feel like it's happening right now. Eventually, you'll get there for real.

3. Increase Your Odds
Instead of cocooning in your apartment, revising your online dating profile for the 10th time, posting funny cat videos on Facebook, or trying to win that "Candy Crush" competition, step away from the computer. Take a break from social media and get social, face-to-face. If someone likes you in person, it's much better than if he or she "likes" you on Facebook. I'm just saying.

So if a friend's meeting co-workers for drinks after work, ask if you can tag along. Or ask a girlfriend to try out a new gym class with you (and let her be your wing woman). Or host a potluck dinner and ask each person to bring a side dish and a single friend.

I met my fiancé through one of my best guy friends. He'd known my guy for 10 years and yet we'd never met. We were even at the same party once, but he was in a relationship and I was so busted up about my breakup that we never connected. Years later, my friend brought this guy to an event I was at and the rest, as they say, is history.

So get into the habit of meeting new people, anywhere and everywhere. You may meet someone who's been six-degrees away from you all along.

4. Invest in Some Self-Confidence
When you walk into a room feeling good about yourself with no agenda, that's when you get noticed.

No one is responsible for your happiness but you. Be authentic and be proud of who you are. Think of all the ways you're awesome and let them shine. A woman who lives a full, passionate life that clearly doesn't need a partner, gets one every time.

5. Don't Leave Chance Encounters Entirely Up to Chance
Meaning, be prepared for the right person to come along. How? Get clear on your dealbreakers. You know them. They're those non-negotiable relationship requirements. For example: "He must respect me," "He must support my career goals," or "He must want to have kids."

Don't be blinded by sense of style, sense of humor, or the serendipity of your love encounter. See a potential partner for who he or she really is and not who you want him or her to be. Otherwise, you may waste too much time focusing on Mr. Wrong and miss out on Mr. Right who may be right beside you.

I was dating a typical "bad boy" who broke several of my dealbreakers including that he had no interest in long-term commitment. But he was sexy, smart, and a great cook, so I was totally smitten. I deluded myself into thinking if I just hung in there, he'd come around. At a party, I met this cute blond guy who was interested in me, but I was so hung up on Mr. Noncommittal, I didn't see it. Luckily, the "bad boy" ditched me a week later, freeing me up to date this much better guy.

6. Take a Gamble
Even if you're not sure, give every opportunity a chance before you reject it. Don't get stuck debating whether you should go on that blind date, or go for coffee with someone who's not your type, or take a risk with a new online dating site. No risk, no gain, right?

Also, when you meet someone new, give him or her a fighting chance. Don't immediately nix someone because he drives a Honda, doesn't have an Instagram account, or still owns a flip phone. Get to know him first before you decide to give him the final heave-ho. You might be surprised how great he is and how great you are with him.

So get the heck out of your comfort zone this month. Seize every opportunity. Take chances and improve your luck. You may just hit the jackpot.

7. Stay Positive
So you went on a date (or several) and he ended up being a stage-5 clinger, or he couldn't take his eyes off the Barbie with killer boobs at the end of the bar, or he kept whistling through his nose in the movie theater. See any bad date (or bad relationship) as one step closer to the person you're really supposed to be with. Chalk it up to experience and move on. The truth is, your bad date did you a favor. So don't dwell on it.

The right person for you will let you know. He or she will treat you well. If someone's right for you, your instincts will tell you.

8. Let Go... Let Go... Let Go...
It may seem odd, but letting go is the most important step in finding love. Think about it, how many times have you not been looking and someone great just showed up? By letting go, you are opening up your possibilities and allowing someone even better to come into your life.

So stop searching for love (and consulting your Magic 8 ball) and start doing what you love, then love will find you. Believe in yourself. Treasure how incredible you really are. And know your person is out there.

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