How Your Story Changes the World (Part 2)

The only realistic way to think about the world is to see it as an unfolding process that encompasses billions of smaller processes. Our minds don't like to work that way. We prefer snap judgments and simplistic labels. We defend our story and defend against those that disagree with it. The activist comedian Dick Gregory used to tell a scandalous joke in the civil right era: What does a Southerner call a black man who went to Harvard, got a Ph.D., and became a professor? Nigger. The punch line was as unacceptable four decades ago as now, but it touched on a painful truth. Even intelligent Southerners were guilty of applying a blanket, prejudicial label to all African-Americans. Today the label has gone away, but fixed assumptions remain intact (in many people's mind, the phrase "black male" brings a rush of fixed beliefs to mind, for example, about drugs, crime, unemployment, abandonment of the family, etc). Today the acceptable prejudices are against Arabs, oil sheiks, Shias, Sunnis, Muslims, Hezbollah, etc. If the right wing has its way, the word "immigrant" will soon join the list.

The left has been guilty of its own defense of stories that are pure illusion. "Communist" was a positive term during and long after the Stalin purges exposed unspeakable horrors in the Soviet Union, horrors that could be hidden behind a few convenient political biases in favor of socialism. At this moment, the tide of corruption and hypocrisy attached to the religious right seems obvious to an outside observer but remains hidden in the minds of people for whom "Christian" is a label that absolves all wrongdoing.

To think about the world realistically, we must substitute words that imply process and change, transformation and unfoldment. To do so requires a shift away from the methods of simplification that tempt us into comforting delusions.

1. Resist the urge to apply blanket labels.
2. Don't regard any situation as fixed and unchanging.
3. Take an interest in stories that don't apply to you personally, that have a larger context and meaning.
4. Don't lump yourself into a bigger story that needs no more thought on your part.
5. Stop defending yourself against stories you don't like.

All I've done is reverse the mental habits that cause real-life processes to freeze into fixed illusions. In practical terms, merely changing a story has enormous repercussions. Take a simple example. Sit a Palestinian and an Israeli down across a table. Have each one tell the story of his life to the other as he actually experiences it. Include all the significant life events that have occurred from childhood on, as well as one's hopes and aspirations. The inevitable result is that the two will become more human to each other, because beyond the grip of fixed labels and prejudices, almost everyone experiences the same unfolding processes. At the individual level personal stories follow common threads: birth, illness, success and failure, marriage, duties to others, love of family and friends. This experiment has been carried out many times, and in every instance two enemies find reasons to sympathize with one another.

Without buying a plane ticket to Baghdad or Tel Aviv, you can do the same thing as a thought experiment. Sit down at an imaginary table across from someone you fear or hate --- a member of Hezbollah, a southern racist, a suicide bomber. Instead of being appalled, take their part as your own. Tell their story from the inside as well as you can. The result will always be an opening of the mind, because every life is one of unfolding hopes, dreams, wishes, fears, and a personal vision. It's also true that every life is mired in story elements that are blindly fixed and prejudiced (with rare exceptions), because it is so difficult to remain completely awake. To be awake in a world of constant change is the ideal, and even if you can't be perfect, you can stop going to sleep on purpose. In what ways should this society wake up now? No question is more important, because if you can change your story to match reality, there is hope for changing the world.

(To be cont.)

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www.deepakchopra.com

Comments

[Lisette]

Dear Dr. Chopra,

This world is so in need of your message.

[Bulbul]

Thak you Deepak Chopra for trying to bring sanity to our lives !

I always think perception and analysis of a human being is nothing but our mental illusion ! We need to give it more of a chance and explore more and , sometims doing that we completely change our outlook !

[ScienceLady]

I know I should not put a blanket label over a group of people, however, white, religious males have dominated the power in this country. I am a marginalized, agnostic woman. Due to hard work, an engineering degree, persistence, (and problably because of a nice ass), I have elevated to a high position in corporate America (but still under the glass ceiling). I have witnessed first hand, the gaggle of white males and their enormous egos protecting their interests first hand. It's hard not to throw the same blanket over the government.
Mr. Chopra, Do you believe that God is watching over and protecting our country by telling the president what to do? Is God blessing our country more than other countries?

[JTurn]

I always thought that I already "thought" too much, because, as soon as I see things from the other point of view, they in some way, shape or form use it against me, and/or, do not see my side or point of view and use my understanding of them as a sales pitch for themselves, not trying to be negative, but..... what if you are dealing with people that just can't think up into that level, you know, they say "huh" and when you try to explain things in a very understanding way they take offense, assuming of course that you were trying to manipulate them with that "understanding" stuff they know nothing about, then, they walk around looking at you out of the side of their neck. Should you "baby" people indefinitely? Didn't want to ramble, again, but, if you have "enemies" pretending to be friends and they give you their point of view, and it's not their actual point of view.... aren't you helping them set you up for a downfall? Here is something that will show people how they get understood, like it or not, Self - Part 1 of 4, adjust your treble and bass for o.k. sound.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8953172273825999151

[MagisterLudi]

I would love to have a chat with a suicide bomber. It would interesting to get into a mind brainwashed to the point of overriding the powerful self-preservation instinct. I only have one reservation: that the bloody fool does not blow himself (and more importantly: me) while we're having this tete-a-tete!
Otherwise I am game.

[AMolinaro]

I admire the loftiness of this notion as well as its simplicity, the notion that by sitting down with those we consider to be our enemies we can see that they are human beings, not monters. Even in the case of a so-called monster like Bin Laden himself, in his letter to the American people he cited our unwillingness to comply with the Kyoto Protocols and our overall lack of regard for environmental issues as one of the reasons he considers himself at war with America. This obviously does not eliminate the fact that he is a murderer, but it does demonstrate Mr. Chopra's point.

However, Mr. Chopra fails to address the fact that many factions in this world that have no interest in any sort of dialogue. I would like to think that I could learn a great deal from a serious and personal discussion with someone who supports the Iraq war, for-profit healthcare, curtailing reproductive rights, and a whole host of other conservative issues. However, the modern conservative movement is diametrically opposed to the notion of open dialogue, as has been made clear by their absurdly casual use of the word "traitor" and their "with us or against us" mentality.

Mr. Chopra describes a plan too utopian to be of much real use, and I am very much saddened by the fact that my experiences lead me to such a conclusion.

[Roxanna]

Every time I listen to Deepak or read his writings I am struck by the profound intelligence he has and what he is attempting to communicate to all of us towards a loving world and where those seeds lie.

Keep up your writings and speakings.­... It takes time for some of this to sink in. It is people like you that will possibly contribute to a profound and badly needed turning point in the human condition if we are to continue as humans to living on this planet.I believe the teacher appears when the student is ready

[mommamia526]

This is not a new and deep Deepak idea. I have mentioned ad hominem attacks from the moment I commented on Huffingtonpost. But it is also not my idea. It is a very old idea, and exists, a.o. in jewish philosophy. I am certain, that before it became a jewish idea, it existed somewhere else. However, we should not forget that different cultures have different ideas of what is truth and acceptable and what is not. For westerners it is easiest to think about truth as it is laid down in the Bible, and the old *testament* part of it, or Torah. That part applies to christianity, judaism and to islam as well. As soon as people add their own versions of the truth to it, or versions applied by human beings, it is no longer absolute truth. And if we listen for example what someone like Mahmood Abbas says for consumption of the Western audience, and what he then says for consumption to the Islamic audience, there appears a forked tongue, and opposing *truths*. That does not appear so only to westerners, but to some muslims as well, and we can read that in the press. Suffering - and we all suffer to some extent, not one person has a free ride - does not give license to do something that is expressly forbidden under one's own religion, such as murder. Or, is forbidden under national or international law. I do not think buddhism allows for that, or hinduism, neither does islam, nor judaism nor christianity. Our personal story, and suffering, interesting though it may be, does not give us license to be an outlaw. The Palestinian issue is clearly not a matter of real estate, look at the vast muslim territories, starting with Jordan. The issue is a matter of forcing one's religion, islam, on others, and all over the world, at the cost of genocide if necessary. Suffering, according to Buddhist teaching, I believe, is a result of grasping, holding on, and both Palestinians and jews do that. Palestinians have Jordan.

[sweetgreensnowpea]

it's hard to be human.

we have to stop hurting each other.

[evangelicalatheist]

Having spent time in eastern Asia, and being a closet naturalist, I have a slightly different (skewed or screwy) slant on the topic, and it doesn't have anything to do with religion, politics, or the color of underwear.

"Western" reasoning seems to tend toward black-and-white, either-or, binary if you will; while "Eastern" reasoning tends to be more grayish and tolerant. In the west, when you're a "bad" person you WILL burn in hell. In the east, you may not necessarily be "good", but you may have to come back and do it all over again until you get it "right"!

It may also have something to do with population density and the western concept of "personal space". In the east, you better learn to be tolerant or you will go absolutely stark raving MAD.

I think the west may have a lot to learn from the east, before it's too late - before we, in the west, REALLY have to learn the meaning of "sectarian warfare".

[otiswaynehale]

Every time I read Deepak, I respect him more. I am as guilty as the next person in respect to blanket judgement at times, even though I know better. I have found it to be simply amazing how a "demon" will turn into a human being if you actually talk to him or her.

[Qbear]

I found some of your explanation inconsistant, you list several Muslim organizations, and said immigrants will likely be added,(I would add gays/lesbians as another group acceptable to hate.) Then you go to the individual level, who should not think of themselves as a larger group. If it is acceptable to hate ANY member of a group, why does that individual not consider themselves as part of that larger group. It is not the individual immigrant or individual Hezbolla member hated for his/her individual traits. Their individual traits are TRUMPED in the minds of their haters, just because they are immigrant or Hezbollah.
Projecting what you IMAGINE an adversary's life story contains, also seems useless. I know nothing about the lives of someone who would have three other friends brutally kick me to death for being queer...an­d I wouldn't want to venture into a cruel sick mind that was capable of that. Or delve into the life of a Fred Phelps who infects two more generations,(his under 8 yo grandkids) with his insane BIGOTRY.

[Nezua]

good stuff. we are the flux, the flex, the beats of the drums, and the in between rests...

[Rubyfoo]

Gee Deepak, I think you're misreading the American zeitgeist. It seems to me that the average American is very tolerant of Muslims with the exception of the radical fringe and those who justify its murderous ways. It also seems that the average American has nothing against immigrants, just ones who push their way to the front of the line while disobeying the law. Not so?

[Anastasia]

What an amazing idea. Not simply listening to the other person's story, but telling their story. It has an astonishing effect.

I imagined the history of our relationship from the point of view of someone I'm having problems with, and it really helped put things into perspective.

Thanks, Deepa and Happy Holidays.