Today's blog has been written while in the midst of an emotional whirlwind. The culprit behind the chaos? An impending, temporary move overseas.
Needless to say, I've needed lots of people to figure lots of things out. Actually, I've needed more than people. I've needed experts.
Here's just a sample:
- I needed an expert CPA to do my business taxes and help me plan financially
- I needed an expert mechanic to fix a leak before my beloved Jeep sat in someone's driveway for months
- I needed an expert hair stylist to help me figure out exactly how to keep my extremely dark roots from getting too offensive to the foreigners
We all know how unfortunate those unattractive hair moments can be.
I had great expectations for each of these experts, knowing they'd take care of their various tasks so that I could move on to other whirlwind-induced projects.
- My business taxes were returned with a confusing report noting an error in the bottom line
- I picked up my car after getting the good news that the leak was all fixed. And the next day the puddle returned
- The solution to my roots -- a painful return to the days of the plastic cap and some kind of torturous assistance from Hubbie -- was not at all ideal. For either of us.
I was beyond frustrated.
Why couldn't these experts solve my problems? Why did I have to get involved when I had so much else to figure out? After all, wasn't I paying them for this?
And then I realized the flaw in my thinking. Yes, these people were experts in their subject areas. But they weren't experts on me.
And, it turns out, I'm the only me expert there is. And that makes fixing things... a bit more complicated.
We've all been there in our professional and personal lives, facing various problems we alone couldn't quite figure out. So we hired or engaged with various experts, breathing a sigh of relief that these problem-solvers would take care of everything so we could move on to... everything else.
We soon learned the hard way that our problem-solving expert couldn't simply fix it all for us. Their solutions didn't work... or weren't ideal. So we had to get involved. We felt frustrated, cheated.
Understandable, of course. Yet the reality is that, as much as they could expertly understand the one snapshot of the need we presented, they needed a partner to provide a bit more information.
They needed a me expert, someone to take some time... to tell more of the story, create context and history to the problem, advocate and brainstorm other solutions when the ones presented wouldn't work.
In my case (and, unfortunately, in retrospect):
- I needed to review the tax documents before they were submitted, no matter how much they bored or intimidated me (the error was obvious once I looked). I know my finances best.
- I needed to talk with the mechanic about the long history of Jeep leaks in my life instead of simply dropping it off. I know my vehicle best.
- I needed to let my hair stylist know we needed to brainstorm other root solutions because there's no way Hubbie would want to take on that kind of responsibility. I know my hair (and relationship) best.
I realized that's what the me expert needs to do.
Even more importantly and before anything else, the me expert needs to find the right partners in the first place: those who agree on this concept...people who actually get that they need more information... people who will ask the right questions, hear us, and put the answers to use.
In the end, it's this right partnership that will make the right things happen for us so that we can really get those problems solved and move on to better things.
And, perhaps most critically, we can avoid those unfortunate, unattractive hair moments. For the most part.
Recognize that subject experts are great to help you solve your problems, but their knowledge only goes so far. Know that it's up to you to be the me expert.
Own it, live it, and get your problems solved once and for all.
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