5 Ways to Be Less Impatient With Your Kids (PHOTOS)

Last week, I offered suggestions for how not to over-parent. This week I address a different parenting dilemma: how not to lose patience with your kids.

Because we've all been there, right? Those ready-to-pull-your-hair-out moments are the very stuff of raising children. Your daughter won't eat a thing at dinner. Your son refuses to practice the piano. She won't wear anything in her closet. He's chronically late. As parents, sometimes we're tempted to throw our hands up in despair and just ... scream.

In our household, the latest please-don't-let-me-strangle-you issue is bedtime. I recently read about a study which found that what matters when putting your kids to bed isn't so much what you do (e.g. nursing, telling a story, reading a book) as how you do it. When the mother did those actions while feeling warm and positive, the baby slept well, on average; when the same types of things were done by a mom who was irritable or brusque or distracted, the children were more likely to sleep poorly.

But lately, because my kids have had some trouble adjusting to the new house ... the heat ... the sunlight ... the everything, they haven't been going to bed easily. Which has made me, well, "irritable and brusque" might be putting it mildly.

That's not the parent I want to be. So here are five strategies for not losing patience with your kids when they aren't doing what you want:

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Tell Yourself It's A Vacation

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When you're on vacation, anything goes. You stay up late. You lie in bed. You read novels and eat tons of food. The normal rules don't apply. That's precisely what makes it a vacation. Lately, I've tried employing the same strategy when my kids won't go to bed on time. Even though they're still in school (British schools have a different holiday schedule than American ones) I tell myself that they're already out of school so that I don't get tense when they're up past their bedtime. Because if we're already on vacation, who cares if they're up late? (I used the same strategy when I took a week off of blogging to send my novel out to agents. I treated the week "off" sort of like a sick day so that I wouldn't feel guilty about not blogging.) The idea is that by changing your expectations, you change your behavior.

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When you're on vacation, anything goes. You stay up late. You lie in bed. You read novels and eat tons of food. The normal rules don't apply. That's precisely what makes it a vacation. Lately, I've tried employing the same strategy when my kids won't go to bed on time. Even though they're still in school (British schools have a different holiday schedule than American ones) I tell myself that they're already out of school so that I don't get tense when they're up past their bedtime. Because if we're already on vacation, who cares if they're up late? (I used the same strategy when I took a week off of blogging to send my novel out to agents. I treated the week "off" sort of like a sick day so that I wouldn't feel guilty about not blogging.) The idea is that by changing your expectations, you change your behavior.

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How about you? What strategies work for you when you want to be less impatient with your kids?

 

Follow Delia Lloyd on Twitter: www.twitter.com/realdelia

Comments

[MollyLive]

04:54 PM on 08/05/2010

When I travel with my kids I assume a super hero persona that I call Zen Mom. She basically models the kind of behavior that she wants to see from the kids.

When I feel frustrated I remember that they are going to pick up on my energy and emulate me. So I find a way to calm myself down and show them that it is possible.

Check out my post on this. http://www.postcardsfromapeacefuldivorce.com/246/zen-mom/

[calmandpresent]

06:40 AM on 07/29/2010

It's important to remember children are living in the moment. They are raw emotional and responding to the hundreds of things in front of them. Children aren't as mindful and don't often understand the effect they have on others. Try to laugh, listen, or be open when your kids are going crazy. We have much to learn them.

much love,
g.sabatier
http://www.calmandpresent.com/

[schmerk]

08:13 PM on 07/28/2010

Mother's can be just as brusque as men. How come there is always an inference that the mothers are soft and nurturing and the fathers are always brusque and tyrannical. Reverse sexism here.

[Delia Lloyd]

01:00 PM on 07/30/2010

didn't realize it read that way. my husband is way more nurturing than I am when it comes to enforcing bedtime - and that's true for many couples I know!

[KaraNee]

11:11 AM on 07/28/2010

I find that since I've let my 2 oldest (age 8 and 7) read for 30 minutes in their bed, bedtime has become much easier. Even though they are up 30 minutes later, they are in their beds and quiet.

When I'm really about to lose it, I try to remind myself that they love me SO much. That usually calms me down a bit.

[DrMiaRose]

06:10 PM on 07/27/2010

Some really great, practical suggestions here!

Blessings,
Mia Rose
http://www.healinglovenotes.com

[Petula1968]

04:10 PM on 07/27/2010

I always have to give myself a timeout! LOL... I'm the single parent of four and the younger ones are 6, 5 and 3 - they are such a handful. Also, I reworked the morning routine as well. The kids don't like it as much, but it's a much less stressful morning. They also get dressed first now and grumpily do it, but quietly. Now if they decide to dawdle over breakfast they have until I am at the door. It gives me more time to get myself ready and everything! :-)

[Danielle Post]

03:51 PM on 07/27/2010

On some of these I can agree, on others, I just can not agree as a parent. I can not agree with a philosophy where you just "pretend you're on vacation" especially in the scenario they used with it. Maybe that is because I have a child who has an incredibly hard time falling asleep and staying asleep and I know first hand how lack of proper sleep affects all areas is the reason I can't get on board with that idea.

I will be honest and say even though my children are "on vacation" from school they still have bedtimes and routines because everything flows better in the long run. When my son goes to his grandparents house where "anything goes" including bedtime, he's a nightmare when he's home. So while things like bedtimes are pushed back a bit to accommodate daylight savings, they are not off. Lack of proper sleep has so much effect on so many aspects that to just let kids call the shots seems ludicrous to me.

[ScarlettMocha]

03:44 PM on 07/27/2010

BOND with your children from birth. Spend time together cultivating a meaningful relationship.
Genuinely LOVE your children and always show LOVE towards them, they can feel it.

[LynnyC]

01:14 PM on 07/27/2010

my mom would leave the house when she was upset and my dad would tell me it's because she hates me. So never EVER leave your child out of anger without telling them you love them and will be coming back. Promise you will be back!
And leave your abusive spouse before they screw your kids up for life. It might seam obvious, but apparently it's not.

[CRMurray]

12:29 PM on 07/27/2010

Granted I don't have any children of my own but watch my smaller cousins on a regular and the one thing I always tell myself is that "they are children". They are still learning the world around them and it's unfair to them for me to expect them to act like an adult.

[SweetBabu]

09:54 AM on 07/27/2010

In our house, "Have a Cocktail" is the best way to keep from losing our temper! It's hard to be mad when you're sipping a nice G&T.

[Delia Lloyd]

03:48 PM on 07/27/2010

@SweetBabu-ha! very true. @LynnyC-that sounds awful. I guess I was assuming that the parents were a team-good point!