Dealing With Hate As A Trans Opinion Vlogger

Dealing With Hate as a Trans Opinion Vlogger
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As a trans opinion vlogger with a focus on social justice, I can tell you, haters come with the territory. Every time I check my comments on YouTube, it’s almost guaranteed that I’ll see at least one blatantly transphobic, misogynist, homophobic, racist, or otherwise hateful gem for every positive, or at least thoughtful or honestly curious message I’ve received while I was away if not more. That was definitely the case a few days ago when I came back after a weekend-long break from all social media (that’s honestly quite a feat for me) to find a treasure trove of sweet love letters telling me to kill myself, calling me a pervert, and saying that people like me need to choke on our own blood, waiting in my inbox.

One could understandably think I’d find it incredibly triggering, but at this point, it’s honestly kind of old-hat. There was a time when I’d engage these people, but then I realized that was exactly what they wanted, so I just started deleting their comments and blocking them. This last batch was automatically sorted as spam anyway, so I decided to report them as opposed to approving them, but I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t think I’m even going to be doing that anymore.

See, there are many people who enjoy trying to claim that transphobia isn’t real, but an unmoderated comment section on any media by or about trans people invariably serves as direct proof of the issue. Anyone who can look at a laundry list of graphic sexual harassment, explicitly detailed violent wishes, and even outright death threats towards trans people on a website as public as YouTube and still deny that there’s an issue is kidding themselves. For us, it’s a daily fact of life.

For me, there are still occasions when it does build up over time and I find myself needing to step away, but that’s getting increasingly rare.

After so long, I’ve kind of learned to just deal with it. I shouldn’t have to, and there’s nothing wrong with finding ourselves overwhelmed with the emotions we can all understandably experience in the face of that hate, and doing whatever we need to in order to remain mentally healthy, but I’ve been out, living publicly, and even gaining some small level of notoriety locally as an activist for nearly two years, (I’ll have officially been on hormones for a full one of those years as of next month) and at this point, it’s all just become so ordinary and common.

People still point, stare, and trash-talk when I leave the house, but my cis girlfriend honestly notices it more than I do. For me it’s gotten to the point where most of it just fades into the background. That seems like it would be empowering, except that the world is still a very dangerous place for trans people. It’s probably even more dangerous when we’re desensitized to the indicators that a situation could escalate to violence, but at the same time, what are we supposed to do? It’s not as if institutionalized transphobia is just going to go away. There will be people dehumanizing me for my transness for the rest of my life, but at the end of the day, I have dreams, and goals, and plans. I’ve got to live my life for me, so I can’t really afford to let trahsphobic bigots get in my way.

In short: I have bigger fish to fry.

I may still get angry knowing how they only serve to reinforce the institutionalized violence and discrimination we still face every day, but on a personal level, they’ve just lost their touch. I may as well just read them Jimmy Kimmel style at this point, and honestly, I probably will.

Sharing thoughts with fellow trans YouTuber, Kat Blaque on how we each find creative ways to deal with haters
Sharing thoughts with fellow trans YouTuber, Kat Blaque on how we each find creative ways to deal with haters
@Delia_Melody official Twitter

I’m not naive to the dangers I face as a trans woman of color. That includes the possibility that one day, my choice to be publicly visible and outspoken may end with me paying for my gender identity with my life.

It just doesn’t scare me anymore.

The whole reason I chose to be a publicly visible activist, is that I basically already went through hell when I came out and lost everything and I’m still here. I can take it, and I can be strong for my trans siblings when they can’t be, so by all means, online haters can have at it.

I’ve been physically beaten, homeless, and sexually assaulted. I’ve been at the front lines and behind the megaphone of local public activism. I’ve actually gotten death threats from people who are local and used to know me, and I’ve heard literally every single piece of transphobic garbage my detractors apparently seem to think they invented at least 100 times before. If anyone thinks they’re going to hurt me, or scare me from behind their keyboards, then they’d best check themselves before the wreck themselves on the business end of my 7” heels, because it’s just not going to get to me anymore.

To my trans siblings: I want you to remember that you’re not weak if hate gets to you. None of us are obligated to just take all the hate with a straight face or even a sassy middle finger one hundred percent of the time, and if someone’s harassing you on one of my pages, by all means, please let me know and I’ll take care of it, but aside from that, I’ll no longer be bothering with it.

I have more important things to do than waste my time on a bunch of haters who probably only even piped up in the first place because they thought I was hot, and it made them feel insecure in their sexuality.

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