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Divorce Diaries: Finally The Mom I Always Wanted To Be

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I'll be chronicling my new life as I go through the divorce process and I hope you'll follow my journey. If you're looking for me to bash my ex, that won't happen. But if you're looking for a woman and mom excited for a new life, if you find it interesting to read about the roller coaster of emotions and all of the things that come with starting over... then join me here.

I played ice hockey for over 10 years. I was the only girl on my local baseball league team. I was also the solo female gender rep on my soccer.

As a teenager, I worked as a ball girl for the NY Arrows soccer team, did stats for NY Ranger radio broadcasts and interned for NBC at the Olympics. I chose my college, Boston University, because I couldn't imagine living in a city without a hockey team. I attended most Boston Bruins games, interned in the sports department at WBZ-TV and hosted a sports radio show in college. One of my first jobs was as a freelance feature reporter for NBA-TV.

Given this background, one would think I would be a participating parent, but when it came to sports with my boys, why did I become pinch hitter? For the past five years, before my separation, I let their dad take the lead. I would occasionally swim with them or play catch with them and I often attended their games and classes, but I could count on one hand the amount of times I have taken them to games. Last winter, my 7-year-old son and I finally established a routine of our own centered around his love of hockey. Every Sunday we would stroll from our apartment through Central Park to the Wollman rink for a weekly skating lesson. We then spent the rest of the afternoon circling the rink and honing our skills together. It became our thing. Our Sunday skates became the one thing each week I looked forward to most.

During the baseball playoffs, I was offered tickets to a Yankee game and that same Sunday feeling swept over me. My son and I went to the game together -- just us. When we got off the subway, I was in shock -- I had completely forgotten that there was a new stadium. How could this happen? It's been open for four years and this was my first appearance? What happened to me? How did I become so sidelined in sports? My son and I had a blast. We high-fived, cheered, and yelled "ra-ooooool" in unison.

One weekend, my kids' dad was away and couldn't do his part as "coach dad" for little league. Our routine as a married couple had become to divide and conquer. He would take our older son to his weekend baseball game while I would take our younger son for alone mommy time. But that weekend, I packed a towel, toys and snacks and went to baseball. It was amazing and while I realize it's a luxury to be able to split up and each care for a child, I also realize it goes against all of my beliefs to not have been sporty mom.

Now that I've been separated for eight months, I finally am the mother I always wanted to be. I will be on the sidelines as much as possible. I will be cheering right alongside my boys in the stands. I will find my mitt. I will reinvent myself as the person I should have been.

It's all too easy to fall into gender-specific roles and I always thought that I didn't. Now, active fan mom is back and I can't wait. Whatever my boys want to play, I will be there. I'm already looking at the Knicks and Nets schedules and can't wait to be there with my boys. I'm closely watching the NHL lockout and can't wait to take my boys to Madison Square Garden. I just have to tune up on today's players; I'm stuck in the 80s.