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Denise Albert

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Divorce Diaries: Home Is Where You Wake Up Happy

Posted: 10/31/2013 4:01 pm

People often say moving and divorce are among the top stressors in a person's life. So as I sit to write this piece I'm surrounded by movers in what I thought was my dream home and though as stressed as I am, today is finally the first day of the rest of my life.

When we first decided to split up a year and a half ago, I couldn't imagine leaving the home we bought just a few years before. This was supposed to be the place where I raised my kids until they went off to college. This was going to be my house in the city.

But when you are miserable in your home and you wake up every day unhappy you realize, it doesn't matter where you live, as long as you wake up happy.

I have woken up happy for the past year and a half. But I had the inevitable "move" weighing on me. We had agreed I would stay in the family home until our younger son started kindergarten. The day he began in our zoned school was the day I could begin to fully move on.

And though I have hit some bumps along the way, I found the perfect place to rent and to finally call my own. But the time leading up to the move has been nothing short of stressful and anxiety provoking.

What am I going to do with all of the stuff? Where are we going to live? How am I going to move on my own?

I don't like to call myself a single mom. I prefer un-married mom. Or mom on my own. Or traveling trio is my favorite. With my two boys, there's nothing I can't do. But moving on my own is unchartered territory.

Over a year ago, I wrote a piece called What Do You Do The Night Before Your Ex Moves Out? Now that I'm moving on my own, I've been thinking What Do You Do With All The Stuff From Your Married Life?

What do you do with wedding invitations? Threw it out.
What do you do with wedding memorabilia? Threw it out.
Napkins with your names on it.? Threw it out.
Family pictures? Saving for kids for now.
Wedding album? Undecided.
Dishes from wedding? Giving away.
Furniture? Selling some.
Frames with family photo sessions? Replaced.

I have been stressed thinking who would help me get rid of the junk? Who would stay to oversee the movers while I go back and forth with things only I want to move? How will I make this the most amazing and positive life change for my kids?

So after throwing out broken toys, giving away books, clothes, dishes and other things I no longer need or have room for, I'm finally starting over. I've done a lot on my own. I've had the help of friends.

Now I'm finally truly on my own. I can finally get past these two major stressors in my life. I can't wait to wake up happy in my rented apartment that will be home, because that is where my kids are. That is where I will create new memories. That is where I will wake up happy. And that is what I call a dream home.

 

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