Screwing up has become remarkably popular in recent years. What was once confined to the blundering few is now seen in almost every facet of human endeavor--from business to government, from broadcast journalism to TV evangelism. Practically everyone today is screwing up something important and usually to the point of irreparable damage.
This series of blogs is presented as a public service to educate those at the most critical stage of their lives--their college day. It will present the many ways of screwing up and not only getting away with it, but prospering in the process.
Whether you, dear reader, are a college student, have been a college student, avoided being a college student, or know someone, no matter how far removed, who was a college student, you can benefit from the wisdom in this and upcoming pieces. Perhaps you can screw up so powerfully that you will rival the superstar screw ups of our present day, the bank executives (God bless them all).
At first glance, the act of screwing up might seem ridiculously simple, something any half-witted person could do. However, in actuality, screwing up is a most difficult craft, one that requires years of meticulous study and strict discipline to master. Even the greats had to start somewhere. Do you think Richard Nixon, Don Imus, O. J. Simpson, Jim Bakker, Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan started from scratch?
Not at all. Only through rigorous hard work, painstaking trial and error, and relentless determination were they able to screw up with such astonishing grace, blundering their way to national recognition.
Screwing up is not easy. The great ones just make it look that way.
So you're probably thinking, "Where do I fit into all of this?" Maybe you are a college student right now or merely contemplating college. Or maybe you're looking back on your college days and wondering where you went wrong. Possibly you are beating yourself up for never having had the opportunity to screw up in college. It doesn't matter. In fact, that should become your mantra: It doesn't matter--unless, of course, the beer runs out, which does matter.
A parent or guidance counselor may have told you that college is a place to explore yourself, to learn, to prepare for the working world, a place of self-discovery where a young man or woman both attains a direction in life and grows into an educated, well-rounded member of society.
If you believe this, you've been watching too many reruns of Leave It to Beaver.
College is a place to let loose and have fun. In fact, colleges were designed for students to have fun. Why do you think college campuses were built so close to so many beer distributors? Sheer coincidence? Not a chance! If you are serious about becoming a screw-up, college is a great place to start.
Parents and teachers are often quick to criticize practically anyone who screws up in college. They rarely take time to truly understand the screw-up rationale, let alone the potentially dangerous consequences of being a "good, hardworking student." In the college game, there are basically two approaches to study:
Approach #1--The academic approach
Study hard.
Do extra-credit work in the physics laboratory.
Pull all-nighters.
Make the library your permanent residence.
Burn the midnight oil.
Choose a challenging major such as philosophy, chemistry, or biology.
Join honor societies, student government, and academic discussion groups.
Make friends with your professors.
Charm the faculty into writing magnificent letters of recommendation for future schooling and employment.
Approach #2--The Screw Up Approach
Attend class on only an occasional basis.
Study as little as possible.
Party till you drop!
Either road you choose, four years from now, you'll probably be running a cash register at the local convenience store. You might as well have fun! You can bust your hump and start working on an ulcer or you can sit back and enjoy the ride as a screw-up. No matter which way you go, all you'll need to know how to say is, "Excuse me, sir. Would you like to supersize that smoothie?"
If this has begun making sense to you, then you will surely benefit from our next installment: Screwing Up Is Not Flunking Out. In it you will discover how to time-release your incompetence over the course of a 4-year college career or an even longer pre- or post-college professional career of your choice.
This blog was adapted from the book Party Thru College by Dennis Bruce. It is available through Amazon.com or at www.partythrucollege.com.
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