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Dennis Merritt Jones

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Are We Hardwired For Kindness?

Posted: 06/24/11 10:10 AM ET

So many gods, so many creeds,
So many paths that wind and wind,
While just the art of being kind
Is all the sad world needs. -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I have recently been witnessing in my own life how powerful an act of kindness can be and how much fun it can be. I take my garbage cans out to the curb every Sunday night because the trash collectors come early on Monday morning. For the past few months when I go out to the curb on Monday to put the cans back alongside my house, they are not there. Someone has mysteriously and very stealthily moved them back by the side of the house where they are stored. Now, I have heard about people in the drive-through line paying for someone else's coffee at Starbucks, or the fare at a toll booth, but never have I heard of acts of "trash can" kindness! I suspect it is one of my neighbors and I must admit it's really got my attention. What his or her motivation is I don't know, but I am interpreting it as a generous and selfless act of kindness. There is something very empowering about extending kindness to others, especially when it can be done anonymously.

This simple act of kindness has me thinking a lot lately about how we as human beings co-exist together, not just as neighbors, but as passengers on this ever-shrinking "spaceship called planet Earth" as referred to by Buckminster Fuller. Our differences are so vast in so many ways. Between cultural values and traditions, nationalities, religions, politics and so on, we can feel very isolated at times. Kindness can be the bridge that connects us because it is something to which every human being on the planet can relate. An act of kindness is easily understood and can supersede any language, religious or cultural gap. In that regard, kindness can be thought of a universal language we all can speak -- with our actions.

The ancient philosopher Philo of Alexandria (20 A.D. - 50 A.D.) said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." It seems some things in the human realm never change. Times have never been tougher than they are right now for the majority of people, and the "normal" tendency in tough times may be to withdraw from others because we are so consumed by our own fears, concerns and problems. However, when we withdraw, that's when a sense of isolation comes flooding in. And, yet, if we think about it, a simple act of kindness to another can instantly reconnect them to life in ways we may never know. Just think about that. Your act of kindness could be the bridge that another needs at that moment to get them through the day. And, irrespective of the simplicity of the act you may think you are extending to others, universally speaking, there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act of kindness creates a ripple effect which reaches out far beyond your act. That's the empowering thing about kindness -- when we receive kindness we are naturally inspired to extend it to others.

Perhaps Ella Wheeler Wilcox was right. The world needs more kindness, but with whom and where does it begin? Perhaps by practicing the art of being kind you might just be the one to change the world. It could be while standing in line at the grocery store by inviting the person behind you to go ahead of you. It might be by holding a door open for someone. It could be as simple as a welcoming smile.. or, if you really want to see your neighbor go a bit batty, try the stealth "trash can kindness" maneuver.

Any way you slice it, a deeper experience of kindness is what we all inherently desire. We are hardwired for kindness because it is in our spiritual DNA to treat one another with reverence and loving kindness. We just have to be mindful of the spiritual beings we really are and the acts of kindness will follow naturally with grace and ease, not because we should be kind, but because we can. To this end I close with one of my favorite quotes by the Dalai Lama: "This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness."

I rather like that philosophy. How about you?

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So many gods, so many creeds, So many paths that wind and wind, While just the art of being kind Is all the sad world needs. -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox I have recently been witnessing in my own life how ...
So many gods, so many creeds, So many paths that wind and wind, While just the art of being kind Is all the sad world needs. -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox I have recently been witnessing in my own life how ...
 
 
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dickn2000b
omnes autem stulti me
10:21 PM on 06/25/2011
Religious leaders from all faiths have, for millenia, delivered the message that man is basically a sinner, that he, that we, are inherently evil. I have never been of that opinion. As an anthropologist who has studied many ancient cultures it is obvious that without peace, good will and cooperation those cultures would have never existed. To be sure, our history as a species is one of almost continual warfare, but even warfare requires cooperation. In my opinion man is basically good natured and kind. We see this every day of our lives... after every disaster we do all we can to aid those who are in need.
10:32 PM on 06/28/2011
Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism....not to mention native/ indigenous traditions. You have a very judeo-christian oriented biased if you seriously think all wisdom traditions contain a doctrine akin to christianity's notion of original sin.
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dickn2000b
omnes autem stulti me
11:29 PM on 06/28/2011
My friend you haven't a clue. I have Ph.D.s in Ancient Religions and Comparative Religioous Studies. I have no bias of any kind for any religion. What I stated was fact, which if you had any depth of knowledge of religion would recognize.
10:13 PM on 06/25/2011
I was in a resturant once and the waitress at the counter was being very short and snippy with everyone. Usually I would tell such a person off but for some reason God told me to try a different tactic. I mention to her it must have been a rough day or something to that effect. She immediately Changed and started telling me how she had worked two shifts because the other girl couldn't make it at the last moment and how she was soooo tired after nearly 16 hours on her feet. She became a different person, one who just needed a little Compassion Herself. She became nicer to every customer after that. Made Me realize what a Kind word (As opposed to the Nasty one I normally would have said) means to people. I am a Lot less likely to snap at a surly wait person now.
10:07 PM on 06/25/2011
The Kindest place I ever lived was in Granbury,TX southwest of Ft. Worth. When we moved there one day neighbors stopped by with little house gifts and the church people stopped by and the Welcome Wagon. You could walk down the street and people you didn't even Know would say Howdy! Being a Yankee I would ask my new husband (Born a Texan) WHY they were saying Howdy to us when we didn't Know them, he said that is just the way small town Texas is. I wonder if it is Still that way? Sadly, I heard there was a Child murderer there some years ago, in That seemingly nice safe small town. I hope he was caught.
Frankling
Fruit don't talk. Fruit just listens...and waits.
10:46 PM on 06/25/2011
Texas is still pretty much that way, but if someone gives of bad vibes, we keep an eye on them. Don't go by our politicians. We put them in office to keep them busy and try not to export them.
01:03 AM on 06/26/2011
Remember Ross Perot? I wish he would run for pres Again or is he dead already? I don't worry about politics at all, I just live my life.
09:08 PM on 06/25/2011
We create the world we live in. Extending kindness doesn't cost us a thing. It's win-win! This writer is correct when he says it creates a ripple effect...you just never know the power you have to change someone, something, the world...with your kindness.
08:45 PM on 06/25/2011
Humanity perishes without kindness. Consider relationships! If a man cannot speak to a woman kindly, because she is too "on guard" against wackos that she no longer recognizes kindess for what it is, then how can compassion exist between men and woman, and thus also love? So many movies make it out like all men are criminals and all women either victims or agressors, that it causes foolish degrees of fear for both genders. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to the dark side of the force, as Yoda would say. Men and women alike cannot be happy in the climate of fear society has become, especially between the 90's and today. If a man opens a door for a woman, many feminists call it being chauvanistic. But It is actually a kindness. If a woman is sensitive, people act like she isn't "strong enough", which is false. So men have to be selfish jerks, and women have to be insensitive and vain. We all lose our true selves. Being sensitive, for both genders, proves you have a soul. Kindness does not make you weak! Cruelty and selfishness proves you are too weak to be strong enough to be kind to others. Yes, people can take advantage! Horrible things have been done to me. But to give in and be as bad as those who hurt me, would make me truly weak. I am strong enough not to allow myself to become cruel because others are.
Frankling
Fruit don't talk. Fruit just listens...and waits.
10:08 PM on 06/25/2011
Just this morning, I was reading an article that two approaches to social status. You can rise in social stature through conceit and arrogance with physical intimidation or accomplishment and skill with a spirit of community. Which method requires less effort and little real talent? It's my impression that the ranks of leadership in this country and others are riddled with those taking the easy path to leadership, wearing the right clothes and learning the techniques to manipulate and intimidate others when they don't possess the innate skills which would make them a true leader.
There is a great deal of kindness in the world, but unless you flap your arms and brag about it, those actions usually go unnoticed. I have a view of a walking path from my back yard, and I noticed one day that the walkers and joggers had to keep ducking around some untrimmed tree branches so I waited until nobody was in sight, and went to town with my loppers. I noticed the walkers looking for their benefactor on their next lap, but stayed out of sight because I didn't do it for accolades. I just did it to be nice. I've encountered many similar acts of varying magnitudes on the part of other in my existence, but rarely from someone in charge. I assume because that facade of "leadership" qualities is so easily compromised and an act of kindness is considered weakness in their view.
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madeye1
I cahoot with no one.
11:19 PM on 06/25/2011
Wow, this is a great post!
08:20 PM on 06/25/2011
"So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you,...." That seems to work rather well for me.
RobTheBl0gger
Democrats stab in front. Republicans stab in back
07:47 PM on 06/25/2011
Kindness is a sign of weakness. People will take advantage of you since you're more likely to take it. Our society has been restructured over the century to be on our guard. With demand and pressure to succeed in life due to overpopulation and joblessness, being "nice" is a luxury.
08:56 PM on 06/25/2011
You stick with your mis-trust of people. I find that most of them appreciate a helping hand and are quick to pay it forward. On your case I would venture that given your attitude, most people try to steer clear of you and would not offer help for any reason due to that attitude. Guess it is how one defines Success. Is success the size of your bank account or the number of friends you have?
09:21 PM on 06/25/2011
How sad, Rob that you see the world with such mistrust. Yes I know I've been taken advantage of from time to time .... but the feeling I have is that I am not the weaker, but the stronger. You get pretty much what you put out and with your attitude, I can't imagine you experiencing much kindess. And am quite sure that you've never experienced that wonderful connected, warm feeling one gets when one has done something kind .... particularly if it's anonymous.

I taught meditation for many years and inevitably someone would ask me 'what it's all about' ..... and my answer was always the same ..."empathy" ....

You don't have to agree with another person to empathize ... you have merely to put yourself for a moment into their shoes. Kindness connects us to each other .... and to Universe or God or the Great Architect. "Do unto others as I have done unto you ...." pretty well says it all, no matter what faith you follow.
07:40 PM on 06/25/2011
More kindness all around would make a wonderful world. I try to do 'random acts"-----whenever I can. We also need far less reality shows with so much conflict, swearing, drinking and general hate of others who are in the same show. This supports bad behavior, which is one reason to be kinder to each other, just so we understand that the world isn't all TV behavior.
09:00 PM on 06/25/2011
Reality shows are hardly real. The survivor series where a bunch of people are plopped on an island and expected to survive is not real. They brought some supplies and survival gear and clothing and of course there was the crew that filmed the whole thing. Want a true survival show? Drop these people naked on the island and tell them they are on their own and a crew will check in on them in a week or two. Then they would have to make their own tools, their own clothing, their own shelters, find their own food supply and make it on their own or as a group, but this would be true survival.
Frankling
Fruit don't talk. Fruit just listens...and waits.
10:18 PM on 06/25/2011
I think you would be aghast by the number of people who think those shows are real.
The whole concept was born several years ago to prepare for an impending screenwriters' strike. Anticipating a bunch of empty air time and no scripts, they threw a bunch of aspiring actors together in a loosely scripted situation and turned on the cameras. The shows were so cheap to make that they decided they were a good idea and here we are.
I suspect if anyone were to use your survival concept, they'd go back in a week to find one well fed individual chewing on an 18 inch drumstick.
09:59 PM on 06/25/2011
I totally AGREE about the TV shows of today. Reality shows and all the others which allow awful language and sex need to be done away with. Bring back decency and morals on TV!
06:34 PM on 06/25/2011
I am VERY lucky to have kind and friendly neighbors, but I live in the Deep South and it is not unusual for people to be kin and friendly. When a man takes the time to hold a door open for me I always make sure to say "Thank You". "Practice Random Acts of Kindness"
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jgamble28
ya never know.
06:31 PM on 06/25/2011
Yes we all need to be kinder to are fellow humans. it seems that everyone is in such a hurry they forget to hold a door or do a favor.
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janet41652
No rose colored glasses for me
06:26 PM on 06/25/2011
I believe kindness begins with me. It's rare to be kind first, and it not be returned. I have lived in Georgia, Louisiana, and Michigan, and had many layovers around the country and it works everywhere.
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themightyabealrd
screw the real world-I'm an artist!
06:19 PM on 06/25/2011
We can get away from the 'other people are wallpaper or things' mentality and we must, if we are to survive as a society. When we hold a door open for the next person at a store or a library or post office, when we who have a cart full of groceries & tell the person with one or two items to go ahead of us, when we say Thank You to a frazzled sales clerk or barista, we're showing kindness and acknowledging another person's humanity. Doing such things shows others that kindness and courtesy are the true hallmarks of strength and integrity, and that boorish and aggressive behavior indicate a lack of these same qualities.
06:04 PM on 06/25/2011
How nice, would be nice if one of my neighbors would even say hello, 205 homes and not one person will even say hi as they pass you working in your yard.
This is a sad commentary for this country, as the homes were built around me and the new people moved in, I took them a welcome kit I made with all the phone number of the utilities that put things in here, the local businesses and my name and number should they need directions, points of interest of just a cup of coffee. It has been 5 years now and they just walk by. As I talk to people in stores I am hearing the same comments, so many communities loosing the neighborhood feel I grew up with and miss. It is a sad commentary for this nation, all brought on to us from 9/11
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madeye1
I cahoot with no one.
11:31 PM on 06/25/2011
That's a shame! Years ago I had to move a lot and I would have rained praises on someone who fixed up a welcome kit like that for me. People are very mistrustful of others now, maybe justified, maybe not, but I don't see the problem in saying hi when you pass a neighbor.
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FunKevin
06:00 PM on 06/25/2011
Funny not many wrote on this subject. I'm with the kind people, yes we need more. We do have so many mean ones. At some point we will count that will be a real good day. O. k. we have to do this... Let's all sing it together! What the world needs now is Love sweet love. Don't you just feel good and kind. Yes we can!
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hman570
04:56 PM on 06/25/2011
Kindness has left this country and has not been seen for a very long time?? I remember a time in this Great Contury of ours when people went out of there way to help one another? That has all gone by the way side due to people being slefish today and they have to have everything coming down the pike to keep up with the Jones. If we do see an act of kindness ( the new brushes on the subject and gose back to what they call news today?? It has to have a splash about it or you will not see it on the news for sure?