Hollywood On The Couch

There's an old joke about a man working in the circus, whose job it was to follow behind the
elephants, sweeping up their droppings. When asked why he doesn't find some other line of work, he replies, "What, and leave show business?"

What makes the joke funny, of course, is the truth behind it. Creative and talented people, having once tasted the nectar of Hollywood success, find it almost impossible to quit the field, even when the odds are stacked against them.

And nothing stacks the odds higher than committing the one unpardonable sin in Hollywood -- getting older. As veteran TV writer Larry Gelbart said in a recent interview, "The only way to beat ageism in Hollywood is to die young."

I ought to know. I deal with issues like ageism in the entertainment industry---not to mention
depression, creative "blocks," relationship crises and dozens of other concerns---every day in my therapy practice.

Who am I?

I'm a former Hollywood screenwriter (My Favorite Year; Welcome Back, Kotter, etc.), now a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Los Angeles. My patients are primarily writers, actors, and directors in the entertainment industry. They range from the famous and successful to the unknown and struggling. And after 18 years of doing therapy in Hollywood, I can state one thing with complete confidence: Doing therapy is the same everywhere.

Except here, where it's different. Which, by way of example, brings me back to ageism.

At 58, my patient Walter (not his real name, of course) has been directing episodic television for most of his adult life--except for the past five years, during which, despite Herculean efforts to get work, he's been unemployed. He also got divorced and lost his house, and had to move to a condo in Burbank.

At a recent session, Walter announced more bad news.

"My agent finally dumped me," he said quietly, without rancor.

"I'm sorry, Walter. I know you've been his client a long time."

"Twenty-one years. Lasted longer than my marriage. And the sex was better..." He managed a rueful smile. "Hey, I can't blame him. He busted his ass for me. But let's face it, nobody wants to see a gray-haired old fart like me on the set. Everybody there looks like my grandchildren."

As is often the case with patients in his situation, we talked about options. Walter agreed that he could probably teach, but that even teaching jobs were getting scarce and the money wasn't very good.

But the money wasn't really what bothered him. Right now, at 58, he felt he was a better director than at any time in his life. He knew his craft, he understood actors, he could keep his head in a crisis. But it seemed clear that nobody wanted to see a face much over 40.

"I might as well pack it in," he said gloomily. "My life in this town is over."

"Your life isn't over, Walter." I said. "Neither is your career. Unless you're ready for it to be over."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you don't have to let other people decide what you can do. Or how to feel about what you can do."

"Hell, don't get all therapeutic on me now."

"I'm not. I'm being pragmatic. If you want to teach, go teach. But if you still love directing, go find something to direct. A play. A short film. You say you have a few bucks. Okay, then hire someone to write something. Or rent a small theater downtown and put something up on its feet."

"Forget it. I'm used to working for studios. Networks. Guys with parking spaces on the lot, who at least have to pay me for the privilege of pissing all over my work."

"And I know how much you'll miss that. But at least you'll be directing. If that's what you still want to do."

"Hell, it's what I am."

He sat back, stroking the edge of his trim, salt-and-pepper beard. Then he laughed. "Hey," he said, "remember that joke about the guy at the circus, cleaning up after the elephants?"

"One of my favorites."

"You think I'm that guy?"

"Walter, I think we're all that guy. These are the lives we lead, the things we do. If it's who we really are, all we can do is keep doing it. As a colleague of mine said once, about trying to achieve in any profession: Keep giving them you, until you is what they want."

He paused. "You know, Alvin Sergeant is in his 70's, and he wrote those Spider-Man movies. Huge hits. For years, David Chase couldn't get arrested, and then he creates The Sopranos. Hell, John Huston directed his last picture in a wheelchair, sitting next to an
oxygen tank."

"All true."

"I mean, maybe I'm just kiddin' myself, but..." He nodded toward the door. "There's gotta be at least one more elephant out there, right?"

I smiled. "I've never known a circus without one."

Comments

[atticusfinchesq]

Palumbo's dead-on as usual - unfortunately! Great to see you on the Huffington Post, Dennis!

[Radioboy]

An amazing article. I am reminded of the line "there but for the grace of God go I." This type of situation, especially when one is in the entertainment field, is bound to hit all of us. The sooner we realize this, the better it will be for everyone, because those who are young and in the position to hire should realize that one day they will be in the same boat. It might give them pause to rethink how they treat people today.

Peter Anthony Holder

[traceyj]

you are so right - and thanks to you i learned how to never stop working and reinventing myself. as dustin hoffman says in TOOTSIE, " there is not excuse for not working, even if there is no work" keep blogging we need you.

[jaymichaels]

OK. great articles. I thought that the Leno blog was right on the money. I was wondering when Jay would flex a little muscle.

[KerryMadden]

Great piece...Dennis Palumbo is a huge help to me as a writer and to my students! Thanks for this column!

[CatherineAuman]

I find part of the problem being that Baby Boomers don't stand up for ourselves and our age. We seem to be continually apologizing that we are not young as if it is a disease or something. We are continually trying to prove how youthful we are. Why? Youth is overrated. Perhaps if we felt good about the experience we have achieved, the wrinkles it's taken to get there, and started finding ourselves sexy, young people would respond differently to us.

[Hattie]

It's not just in Hollywood, of course. I've warned my kids about what to expect when they turn 40 and the doors start closing. They will know why. Young people are the subject, just as they themselves were the subject when they were young.
Any mom learns this the first time she walks down the street and everyone is looking at her daughter and not at her.

[Steve Young - Huffpost Blogger]

Ageism does have it's positive side...ergo the Writer's Class Action against the agencies. Over 40 writers should be getting some renumeration soon.

Also...I once sold a show to the Disney Channel that they wouldn't let me write and gave to a younger writer to write (agism?). After he wrote the magic out of it, they gave it back to me saying that "it just wasn't working"). I rewrote it as a novel for kids. Sold it to Harper Collins and this year it was selected as Young Adult Choice by the International Reading Association. I've also optioned it out ($) as a stage play.

I also wrote an article of tips for the WGA Magazine about fooling your network exectcutive into thinking your younger ("Always pitch lying down so the loose skin on your face falls to the back of your head"). the legendary Larry Gelbart (who I had never met) read it and sent me to his publisher friend and they bought my first book.

Lesson: Take what you have and massage it into something that salelable.

Steve

[scottflora]

I am also 58 and in the creative world. I run a nonprofit trade association for independent book publishers (SPAN). I spend my day with databases, e-mails, and the details of running and organization. Sometimes it's stressful...but what the heck, I'm in PUBLISHING!!!

Thanks, Dennis, for the insights!!!

Scott Flora
Executive Director, Small Publishers Association

[poorpearl]

Yes, as an analyst/painter in L.A. I see a particular kind of early onset ageism afflicting people in film and T.V. (writers, actors, etc.) I also think there is a rampant ageism in this youth-obsessed country perhaps worse than in others, where older members of society are not shunned. On the other hand, it isn't just the obsession with youth that is the problem here. It is the desperate flight from finitude. So when Walter says "I might as well pack it in, my life in this town is over" it might have been an opening into those darker feelings. Walter might be ready to grapple with finitude. And that capacity to go into dark places? That can make for great art. See Munch, Francis Bacon, Charlie Kaufman's "Synecdoche," and yes, John Huston's last film. So good luck to you and Walter.

thanks for writing.

Julia Schwartz

[BuckeyeBeth]

So true, no matter the creative outlet. You've got to learn to enjoy the journey and process as much as you do the product or you'll never feel *truly* successful.

Great anecdote, Dennis.

[Promise]

Thanks for this! Ageism is certainly an issue we need to address with some new insight. I'm not in showbiz but I can certainly relate to walking around in the world and everyone looks like they belong in highschool. Fortunately I do live in an area where a lot of women let their hair go grey and many of them are quite attractive. I think our whole culture needs to grow up and value the virtues that come with advanced years: wisdom, humor, compassion. I find these aging stars like Madonna who insist on flaunting their bodies as if they were 20 sort of grotesque.

I'd like to see more here on the subject...not just related to show biz.

[BMacB]

Dennis

Elephant poop! My life is elephant poop! Ah, but you make us see the fun of it. We wouldn't have it any other way.

What's the alternative?. Leave the ring and go ....do normal work? What's that?

:) Love you for this - keep writing -

By the way, apropos of the above comment on getting instantly famous off a video on You tube...

Kindly visit (for a great new Christmas "feel good" song) my brand new video at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynqqK_Ys410&eurl=http://sortr.com/youtube_play.php?id=ynqqK_Ys410&v=annmarie%20rizzo

Thanks for your cheering and enlightening article, Dennis.

B

[BusterMaxwell]

Dennis,

Perceptive (and funny) article about the importance of constantly reinventing ourselves. That reminds me - I should be writing! Stay well...

[hiprogloho]

I take issue with those who just go with the flow or baby a serious subject lightheartedly. Make no mistake, ageism is the WORST of the isms. There should be laws on the books against it that are upheld and not ignored. Instead, there is less work, careers cut short and elite youth apathy bordering on social neglect in the media. The largest demographic group in the US is still mid 40 something babyboomers. And yet by then most celeb luminaries are on the way down in showbiz pecking order status and doomed to dreck gigs. Back in the good old days, game shows which were watchable were a vehicle for hasbeens. Now it's the reality show genre which leads to premature career death. But most respectable oldtimers would rather waste away and live in the past than air their dirty laundry in public.