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Why Dating Someone Who's Been Hurt Before Is Worth the Effort

03/09/2015 03:55 pm ET | Updated May 09, 2015
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You can tell those who've been through the relationship journey before. To them, you're the same old song. The more polite you are the more evil your intentions seem. Not to mention that social media has made every attempt at a connection all about the attraction and less about the substance. Although the ironic thing with hurt people is that all they want is to hear something different but they don't take the time to hear you out.

But we can all admit that this "heartless" attitude of the masses has come from the graveyard of shallow past relationships, but those who have been genuinely hurt before might be the only ones who you are truly worth the effort after all.

No alliance here, but you're probably asking yourself what's the point in that uphill battle. Yes, carrying the bags of past excursions can get daunting. Don't get me wrong -- having to deal with arguments all evolving from mistakes of your predecessors can be a bitch (excuse my pun).

Questions about your whereabouts, your intentions, and even the validity of your loyalty. Multiple inquiries to mutual friends about your character. Oh, and we can't forget the quarterly review of your Instagram comments. But those concerns are also partnered with protectiveness and care that you just can't get in too many other places.

I was never a believer in, "Hurt people, hurt people." I think quite the contrary and if you're a reader of mine then you know I'm one to be in congruent thinking with my quotes. But don't forget about the value in experience, just because of the elevated cost, paid in effort.

Think about this type of person for what they are, forget the emotion. They're a person that's been wronged, perhaps because they'd been too loyal to the wrong people.

I say "perhaps" to ease the emotionally wounded readers through my words but why shelter us from what's true? The elephant in the essay is, if you've been genuinely hurt before, you gave your all for someone who turned out to be only in it halfway.

We all know love is a gamble and sometimes the table is slanted. But those who have been hurt just never thought it'd happen to them. After you've been ripped apart, you'd rather skip all the emotions and keep it strictly platonic or simply about whatever keeps the senses happy.

But there's something about being with someone who has been as broken as you. A comfort. Whatever you thought could happen in that false utopia of the past, you'll find it here. Again, it costs a little more to get in this club but amenities are endless.

You wouldn't trust a co-pilot that hasn't flown a plane before right? Well, to take this analogy to an anomaly, you're riding alongside a pilot that's survived a plane crash at fault of their past partner.

They appreciate the little things, your presence, the time allotted, and the energy spent. Their pessimistic comedy is funnier than it should be. Instead of those superficial text conversations, you engage in deep forums regardless of if it's 3a.m. or 3p.m. You all have an understanding of respect about each other's preferences simply because they understand the meaning of "asking, of only what'd they do of themselves." When you strip my language of its elegance -- I'm saying, they just make you feel lucky.

Dating someone who's been hurt before is ideal if you can get the past the collection plate. Again, the only currency accepted here is effort because they want to know that they can trust love on more time. But most of us have been hurt as well and as a result we've embodied the very characteristics from above. So somewhere down the road we're going to have to ask ourselves if we're willing to put forth that effort towards someone as rightfully skeptical of love as us.

*judging from my rhetoric, I guess you can tell which side I'm on.