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Derrell Jamison Headshot

Why You Shouldn't Plan On Getting Married

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"When a man and a woman fall in love with each other they get married and start a family and live happily-ever-after..."

That is the lie that most of us are told from a fairly early age. Love stories, television shows, and movies paint a majestic picture of wedding bells and houses with picket fences, but honestly you should stop wasting your time.

Have you ever stopped to think about why people actually get married? Our current culture would lead you to believe that it's solely based on love and finding the right person, but in reality people get married for a variety of other reasons too.

Security. Money. Boredom. Social status. Etc.

More often than not, people also get married simply because they feel like it's time to do so. My wife and I have come to agree that some individuals are more concerned with getting married rather than actually being and staying married. She recently said, "You always hear girls say that they have their whole wedding planned out from the dress, to the location, colors, and decorations but they are just waiting on the guy to complete the ceremony..." She's absolutely right, why are you looking for someone to complete your plans when you could be finding someone to complete your life. As a society, we put too much emphasis on what things look like. That person looks happy. They look like they have a great relationship. They look like they have it all together. Ultimately, this leads to people getting caught up in trying to put on a good show for the world. If you think about it, that's all a wedding really is. Sure, it may be a time for the two families and friends to get together and congratulate the bride and groom and share in their coming together -- but is that really what the focus is on?

Here's the short answer: Nope.

The couple has to make sure that their location is perfect, the food is delicious, the decorations are pretty, the colors match, and that the DJ plays good music -- or else everyone will judge them because they didn't have a good time. But why does any of that even matter when all you need in order to get married is a bride, a groom, a minister, and a witness. Seriously, that's what we did. My wife and I had an understanding' we wanted our marriage to be about US and we wanted it to work. Doing things this way gave us an opportunity to simply be married without all of the undue stress caused by wedding planning. Not to mention, we didn't start our life together with empty pockets! I'm just saying.

Marriage is hard enough as it is, so going into it with extra pressure to perform well in front of a crowd is just unfair. Listen, I'm not saying that weddings are bad, I'm just saying that they aren't the most important part. The foundation is set at the beginning of the marriage and both people have to realize the amount of work that will be involved. In our situation, we waited a whole freaking year before we actually had a wedding ceremony simply because it was not at the top of our agenda. Every single detail was what 'we' wanted regardless of what anyone else would think, because we really had no desire to impress anyone. It may not work for all or even most people, but we got married because we loved each other and wanted a marriage, a partnership. Weddings usually last for a night but marriages are supposed to last for a lifetime -- You know, 'til death do us part.

I digress, all I'm trying to say is...

Stop planning for your wedding -- start planning for your life.

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Visit Derrell's blog at DerrellJamison.com and follow him on twitter!