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Destiny Lopez

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Let's Talk to Our Kids About Sex

Posted: 10/04/11 09:07 AM ET

As the mother of a young daughter, I have thought a lot about when I want to start talking to her about sex and sexuality. I know it won't be long before she is curious about her body, gender differences, and where babies come from. I hope to start this conversation with her while she's young, and then continue throughout her teen years. Latino parents have a responsibility to talk to our kids so that they can lead safe and healthy lives.

As we celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month and how far we've come as a culture and community, we should also reflect on the health of our community and the disparities we face. The statistics are startling. Teenage Latinas are at a much higher risk for unintended pregnancy because they are significantly less likely to use contraception. Latinos contract HIV at three times the rate of non-Latino whites. And we have double the rates of gonorrhea and triple the rates of chlamydia.

The roots of these issues run deep, but one small yet significant way to help reduce these disparities is to break the taboos around sex by having frank, frequent conversations with our kids about sexual health.

Planned Parenthood and the Center for Latino Adolescent and Family Health (CLAFH) at the Silver School of Social Work at NYU partnered to commission "Let's Talk: Are Parents Tackling Crucial Conversations About Sex?" -- a new poll looking at parents' attitudes about talking with their children about sex and sexuality, and their support for sex education.

The poll is part of a variety of activities undertaken by Planned Parenthood and CLAFH during Let's Talk Month in October designed to raise awareness and encourage parents to talk to their kids about sex. The poll findings show that parents are very concerned about keeping their kids safe and healthy throughout adolescence, and that's good news. But the poll also found that while many say they are talking to their kids about issues related to sexuality, they're often not discussing the harder issues, including birth control options and how to say no to sex.

According to Vincent Guilamo-Ramos, CLAFH professor and co-director, "These findings show that, more than ever, Latino families need to start talking about these more difficult issues. Effective communication begins at home."

Among the surprising findings: fathers are taking almost as active a role in these conversations as mothers. As talking about sexuality is generally considered the mother's job in our culture, this news is very encouraging -- fathers can and should take an active role in educating kids. The poll shows, as many in our community can attest, that most parents believe their own mothers and fathers didn't do such a great job talking to them about sex. We can and must do better.

The poll also shows that mothers and fathers are equally supportive of sex education in schools. They overwhelmingly support sex education programs in high and middle school, and believe that they should cover a range of topics, including birth control, sexually transmitted infections - including HIV - healthy relationships, and abstinence. Unfortunately, only 10 states and the District of Columbia mandate comprehensive sex education that includes teaching about birth control.

So parents must take the lead in having these life-changing conversations with their kids outside of school. Studies show that teens who report having effective conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sex, have fewer partners, and use condoms and other birth control methods when they do have sex.
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Planned Parenthood is here to help Latino parents start productive, ongoing dialogues with their children about sex, sexual health, and healthy relationships, and to do so in whichever language they feel most comfortable. We are the largest provider of sex education in the country, and our 800 health centers offer educational programs geared at helping parents become effective sex educators of their children. We offer online resources in both English and Spanish via our Tools for Parents web page, which features tips to help parents talk with their kids about sex and sexual health, build strong parent-child relationships, and set rules that help keep teens safe and healthy.

CLAFH is also introducing Families Talking Together (FTT), a family-based program in English and Spanish designed to support effective parent-adolescent communication among Latino families.

I am grateful that my mother defied cultural stereotypes and norms and was pro-active about talking to me about sex from an early age, and I plan to do the same with my daughter. We owe it to our kids to arm them with information to make the most educated choices as they grow. This generation has the potential to be the healthiest ever. So let's talk.
Destiny Lopez is the director of Latino engagement for Planned Parenthood Federation of America.

 
 
 
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This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
08:35 AM on 10/07/2011
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds."
Bob Marley

Ask how much one's religion and culture keeps us in poverty.
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
08:32 AM on 10/07/2011
And when we talk to our children about sex...and drugs...and the value of an education, let's be honest.
Let's tell them that despite our mistakes, there are morals and values to be taught and practiced.
Maturity, fidelity, self-respect, education, marriage, employment are all precursors to becoming parents.
03:21 PM on 10/04/2011
I'm not hispanic but I can relate. during junior &high school, 6 of my friends became pregnant (well 6 had babies...not sure how many had abortions). I decided on my own that this was not a future I wanted for myself. I vowed to not have sex until I graduated high school - which was not an easy thing as it seemed like I was the only one not having it! It wasn't about religion - I had bigger plans for myself. However, despite my mother having her first child at 16, she gave me absolutely no information about sex. My father actually encouraged me to have a baby when I was in 11th grade because he wanted a grandchild! (it had nothing to do with me - he just wanted a grandchild). at16 my mother took me to the doctor because she said I was lying when I declared I was still a virgin &made the doctor verify my virginity - traumatizing to say the least!

If you're a parent of a young teen - it's important to have open discussions about sex. Without shame &blame. They need to make informed decisions.Kids need accurate info - not just rumors from their friends. These days it's not so much even about preventing pregnancy - there are so many other things you can get that can affect your life later. Please talk to your kids &keep an open, honest dialogue about life, sex, reality.
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Fran Jaime
Yo Soy 132!
07:01 PM on 10/05/2011
Congratulations to you for establishing your own goals and being mature enough to move towards them! Sounds like your parents never grew up!
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LMPE
I connect the most dissimilar things
02:33 PM on 10/04/2011
Parents need to explain sex to their children early on. The children are going to find out sooner or later, and it's better if they hear it explained seriously when they're young.
02:30 PM on 10/04/2011
I admire you for being courageous in talking to your daughter about sex. But, unfortunately, there are many Latino parents who are unable to be as open as you because they lack education and sophistication to do it. We also have many Latino dysfunctional families where women are sexually exploited, subjugated, physically and mentally mistreated by their male macho dominated husbands/boyfriends. There's also widespread homophobia in the Latino culture which tends to be very much elevated by the religious views of many Latinos. And for those Latino Catholics who don't believe in contraception the danger is even greater since many Latino women are raped ro forced to have sex and not allowed to abort. The greatest danger in our Latino culture is the macho mentality of our men. So the onus should not be so much on educating our children, but to educated our macho prone men and exorcise their macho mentalities and bring them up to reality and logic.
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sincerrojos
11th Commandment: Love your child unconditionally.
01:04 AM on 10/07/2011
I agree. Next weekend, USC is hosting one of the largest LGBT conferences in the nation, Models of Pride. It's free, fabulous and fun but unfortunately, not enough of the Latin@ community will attend, despite outreach. Please encourage our community to sign up here:
http://modelsofpride.org/register/parent_track.html

Parents and teens are welcome; there's room for all and wonderful resources for ALL.
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phoebequeen
I blame the dog
02:22 PM on 10/04/2011
I didn't know the stats on Latinas about pregancy and sexually transmitted disease. Wonder if religion also plays a part? Started talking to my son very early and often and continue to do so now.
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Mando1
09:23 AM on 10/04/2011
As a latino dad, I made 100% sure my daughter knew the facts of life and more. It's stunning to me how many men....don't talk to their daughters and son's about what happens and the risks. It's the number one thing that will stop latina's careers and future's in their tracks. How we decimate our own society by not empowering our women. By assuming that they will be mom's only. Nothing wrong with being a mom, but it has to be one's choice...not something forced upon you or a mistake. In my own family I am stunned by the terror of men, in approaching their children about sex. Yeah it was super akward, but AIDS isn't akward , it kills. Anything...anything that might threaten my girl....I deal with. Why can't us overly macho and protective types ...get that...personalize AIDS and other STD's as threats!?
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wltdnfaded
10:41 AM on 10/04/2011
Bravo, good man. Your daughter is very lucky to have a dad like you. :)