Summer is here, and some brave (or foolish) families are going to be traveling with their kids. They'll board trains, buses, and cruise ships. More troubling, they'll get on planes. And while children on a plane are not quite as horrifying as, say, snakes, their presence does lead to a certain amount of hostility from other travelers.
Babies wail during take-offs and landings. Toddlers kick the back of your seat, talk too loudly, spill drinks, sneeze, and get in everyone's way. Older kids fight with their parents, complain, and drown out their irritation at being forced to go visit a national park by cranking the volume on their iPods.
Parents anticipate this. We know, before we ever step on a plane that the other passengers hate us. They will roll their eyes, sigh, judge and glower. They dread being trapped in a metal tube at 30,000 feet with the under-21-crowd for any length of time. I have seen the disappointed looks of my flight-mates when they notice Little Dude sitting near them. I've read the stories of children being kicked off of commercial flights. I even watched an episode of a PBS cartoon in which a woman on an airplane sighed and irritably requested that the family sitting across from her do something about their crying baby. When PBS thinks you're a pain in the ass, you know there's a problem.
To appease our fellow passengers, we parents consult travel guides, websites and blogs looking for tips and tricks to keep our offspring happy, calm, and, most importantly, quiet. Some of those ideas are useful: bringing new toys or books along, downloading movies or TV shows on iPads or DVD players, planning for snack and naptime. Some suggestions are horrifying. Like the advice to buy our fellow travelers drinks, offer earplugs and apologize over and over and over again to minimize the hatred coming at us from all sides.
Seriously? I already feel guilty. I'm weighed down by a carry-on filled with sippy cups, fruit snacks, board games, toys, crayons, stickers, coloring books, electronic babysitters (by the way, HUGE shout out to Steve Jobs for the iPad. I owe you about $5,000 in babysitting fees), blankies, pillows, stuffed animals, and my own earplugs. Now I have to carry 30 extra pairs and a cash reserve to get everyone else drunk so they don't throw my kid out the window? These are my options?
I am not saying you have to tolerate out of control kids. As a parent, I try to keep Little Dude in his seat for his safety and everyone else's. I teach him to be well-mannered and polite. Parents who don't do that get no sympathy from me. I apologize when he misbehaves and I make him do the same. I understand that you want to travel in peace. So do I.
I am not, however, required to turn my kid into an automaton. I'm tired of feeling like I have to grovel for forgiveness every time my child doesn't behave like a pre-programmed robot or a mini-adult. The expectation that parents owe our fellow passengers a flight devoid of any minor interruption or irritation makes me crazy. Society is comprised of all its members, including its messy and noisy children. Everyone gets to participate. Until we can all afford private jets, we're going to have to learn to get along.
Believe me, we don't want our children screaming either. However awful you think it is listening to a baby howl a few rows up, it is a thousand times worse for the parents. Not only are ear piercing cries louder when you're the one holding the baby, but we know you hate us. We are embarrassed, harried and exhausted. We want it to stop. So give us a break, we're not doing this to ruin your day. Instead of an eye-roll, how about some sympathy? Or a drink. Make mine a margarita.
I shouldn't have to keep my kid at home because it might inconvenience someone who would prefer to travel in an adults-only environment. Besides, hasn't anyone else endured adults who haven't yet learned to play nicely with others, use their indoor voices or speak only when spoken to? Bad behavior isn't limited to kids. I've smiled through my share of snoring, drunken babblings and near-concussions from getting hit in the head by suitcases that are NOT going to fit in the overheard compartment. I've closed my eyes to inappropriate public displays of affection, sat through two-hour monologues about business deals, and been privy to fights and disagreements that could have waited until we landed. I've choked on cloying perfume and overpowering aftershave. Give me a dirty diaper, a kid playing peek-a-boo or dropped toys any day.
Little Dude does the best he can and so do we. Sometimes he gets restless, antsy or bored. He may talk too loudly, or need to burn off some energy. I'm not going to tie myself into knots trying to stop that. He's a kid. That's what kids do. So when it comes to normal, ordinary and sometimes noisy or messy children, I have only one thing to say.
Deal.
Oh, and buy your own earplugs.
Follow Devon Corneal on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dcorneal
If we worry about our pets anxiety let's do the same for the children. It would make EVERYONE"S flight more peaceful including the anxious parents.
Folks, the reality is that we leave in the era of globalization. All that fancy technology that makes the life of the elite more comfortable and prosperous (by the elite I mean people who have regular access to air travel) exists because of this global economy. Part of what allows it all to happen is the people who migrate across country, across borders and across oceans. And when all those people who are setting up their lives far away from the families of origin start having their own babies, guess what happens? The nanas, and the babas, and the grandmas and the abuelas across the world feel a strong urge to see these new creatures. Do you think their offspring are going to deny their families a chance to know each other? So, we endure the nastiness and the stress to make sure our families stay connected.
By the way, in very large part, folks on planes are really nice to my kids. A lot of people actually like kids and a lot of people are very gracious about faking it. It's just amazing how a few self-involved, vociferously negative individuals can really poison the whole environment.
- Andrea
With kids under age 6/7 how many seriously believe the kids will remember the trip besides what they see in photos? If parents really want to go through that kind of a hassle and expense, why not wait until the kids are old enough to security without pitching a fit, sit through a 2-5 hour flight without annoying everyone around them (old enough to read their own book, listen their iPod, etc) and old enough to enjoy and remember the trip.
anyway, i think people make a lot of assumptions about why parents travel, and i just want to try and give you an idea of why we traveled with our 2 year old. i'm sure there are parents who have just decided it would be fun to take their toddlers to aruba, but those parents were not us. and was it worth the hassle? after seeing the looks on my grandparents faces when they met their great-grandson for the first time? yes, it was. he might not be old enough to remember, but they were.
"However awful you think it is listening to a baby howl a few rows up, it is a thousand times worse for the parents."
I doubt it. You love your baby no matter how annoyed you are. No one else gives a crap about your baby. They just want the howling to stop.
However, I do think everyone involved needs to accept that they have responsibilities toward the comfort of others around them. Parents need to do their best to make sure their kids aren't annoying: pack snacks, toys and books; arrange for naps before the flight; correct kids who are acting up; apologize when necessary. Other passengers need to take a deep breath and calm down. Even good kids get nuts sometimes. Hell, sometimes I want to cry and scream at the airport. The moment will pass, your flight will end, and all will be fine.
I tell my kids, even at the diner, that the waitress is not your maid, and to keep their space tidy.
If my kids get too loud, I remind them that other people are there to enjoy themselves.
If they kick the seat in front of them, I remind them that someone is sitting there.
If these are lessons that you are too meek to teach them, then you are actually punishing them.
Deal with that.
That's like me cursing at the top of my lungs at a ballgame, and telling you to stop coming to the park if you don't like it. Hell, it's not my f ing problem that you don't like cussing.