Losing Your Brother in Front of the World

With the sudden death of Michael Jackson and the untimely loss of an iconic ambassador to music, the world is grieving. Even after the brilliance of his public memorial service last week in the heart of Los Angeles, televised for the world to share and be united in the moment, it did not "heal the world" quite yet. We are still crying. Since the day Michael died and certainly last week watching the memorial service, I have been thinking a lot about how it feels to lose someone in your family and have to share those moments with the world.

Losing your brother in front of the world is so incredibly hard. Many say that Michael was the most famous person in the world. I understand how that feels on a much smaller scale. I lost my brother Brian a little over five years ago to suicide in front of my professional world. My baby brother was just beginning his life and many great things were ahead for him at the young age of 25 when he died. He had already filled the hearts of many. I lost my brother in front of my world. When Brian died, he had already quit modeling months back and was working on a tug boat under the Golden Gate Bridge and studying martial arts but he became known to the fashion world years before as a model. His beauty captured the attention of many industry influentials including Bruce Weber and David LaChapelle. He had appeared in national ad campaigns like Abercrombie & Fitch, Versace and had also been in several magazines including Men's Fitness and Vanity Fair. Then he quit. One day he said he hated it and moved back home to find a new career but the fashion world never forgot him. Even with time passed since he left the industry, when he died, it was news. I am a fashion and lifestyle publicist, so Brian and I shared the same professional world for a few years even though we never worked together -- I was in the industry working long before he arrived and it never occurred to me until he died how small our professional circles were. Brian's suicide news spread like wildfire. People would approach me in New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles all the time that I hardly knew to tell me how sorry they were for my loss and wanted to spend time talking about it and how they knew my brother. Losing your brother in front of the world (or your world) I found initially to be very difficult. I would be in the middle of handling a huge fashion show in Bryant Park and someone out of nowhere would approach me and offer condolences, catching me often off guard. It was painful and beautiful. The love and outpouring of support that people gave me that I did not even know is a true testament to my brother's loving spirit that he shared with all he came in contact with in the industry and beyond. They would spend time telling me amazing stories about how my brother changed their life or brought a smile to their face with his sense of humor. In the beginning for me, it was bittersweet because I did not want to be forced to always talk about it and feel the pain publicly. I wanted to grieve on my own terms and when I wanted to.

As I watched Michael's brothers, sisters and family publicly mourn the loss of their brother at the memorial service I began to think about how it will be for them in their daily lives moving forward dealing with the pain and the fact that it is also the world's pain. I used to not see any silver lining in losing my brother on a public level until last year when I working on a project and I had two different people in one week alone see my last name and ask me if Brian was my brother. They both spoke about how they knew him and what a wonderful guy he was. It was during that week that I finally realized these moments that I am afforded only by working in this industry are like hugs from Brian who I miss so much. I am lucky to have them as they are blessings and reminders of his love. I am grateful. I wish the Jackson family much strength in the walk ahead and can only imagine how hard it will be. I hope each of his family members can find their own private moments to grieve how they need to and celebrate how his love united the world.

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Comments

[situationcritical]

Diana,

Thank you so much for your kind words about the Jackson family. I was overwhelmed with sadness when I found out about your brother's passing. It is comforting to hear about Brian from a close family member, and I wish you Godspeed in your own healing process. It's so difficult just to get along in life and hold your own. But when someone you love is so successful, and becomes the face of an industry - losing them is so much more difficult on one hand because their image and imprint is everywhere you turn. On the other hand, when we do reach a place where we begin to celebrate their lives, seeing their imprint on earth wherever we turn will be glorious. We will get there. Thanks for opening up your heart here.

[Diana Bianchini - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks very much for your post and your support. "wherever we turn will be glorious"-such beautiful words. I am happy you knew Brian - he was worth celebrating. -Diana

[Rhonda Oliver]

Diane...yo­ur sensitivity, candor , and beauty in the above article was simply put, but so elegantly stated. I have been a Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 fan since they debuted on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1969. I fell in love with the voice and persona of little Michael Jackson. He was amazing and mesmerizing at the same time. We literally grew up together and I felt like the Jacksons were and still are my family. I fell in love with a family. I have never been affected by a celebrity's death like I have with Michael. I am still grieving and crying. Michael really loved his fans and he made us feel his love. I love him because he had a very precious spirit. I never met him in the physical..­but I met and knew him in spirit. I have been diligently praying everyday for Michael's family. There is not a day that goes by since the death that I have not prayed for his Family...a­nd I will continue. Somedays, certain members are laid heavily on my heart because they need extra prayer for that particular time. I actually feel their pain as I am praying. I would give anything to be present with them to wrap my loving arms around them and just hold them to comfort them. My encouragement to them would be to take one moment at a time (when they have strength to) to travel together on this new journey.

[blaqntelligence]

"I have never been affected by a celebrity's death like I have with Michael. I am still grieving and crying. "

Reading these words mean more than I can express.
My friends and I have voiced this very thing countless times. We are all over 40, practical, intelligent women, not given to isn't-he-j­ust-dreamy mooning over a virtual stranger.

But...
"Michael really loved his fans and he made us feel his love. I love him because he had a very precious spirit. I never met him in the physical..­.."

.......the­re's a connection not felt with any other celebrity.­....Michae­l Jackson's raison d'etre via his work.

[situationcritical]

So true. The media should focus on what the Jackson Family mean to most black people in our country and a multitude of people across the globe, yet they like to concentrate on negatives that don't hold up on close inspection. Rhonda Oliver expressed my sentiments precisely. Michael did really love his fans. I am so grateful for the time I was able to spend with him in person, but now that he's gone it all feels like a dream.

[nkadzi]

Diana, your tribute brought tears to my eyes. I have never lost a close family member but i have lost friends who were dear to my heart and was never able to be part of the memorial(an african currently living in the USA). my greatest sympathies on the loss of your brother. may the memories you both share continue to bring a smile and comfort to your beautiful spirit. And i am thankful for your words, and i share sentiments with Aberlin, this has been long overdue. when the media circus on MJ were continuing, i kept thinking about Janet Jackson's words, "that to us Michael is an icon, to them he is family" her words made me stop and appreciate Michael Jackson the human being and that is what i continue doing. And my greatest sympathies to the Jackson family, more especially his children. thanks, and best.

[Diana Bianchini - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for your post and your sincerely kind words. That statement that Janet said to the world was so profound on many levels. The beauty of words and people can be so overwhelming. Be well. -Diana

[mbmem99]

Thank you for your compassionate posting. I too lost a brother, Brian 9 years ago. While not public in the magnitude of Michael or your brother, Brian, it was public within my family's world. It was a sudden, unexplained death with all that, that entails. There was even a newspaper article in the local town paper. I can still remember the additional pain that caused my family, especially my parents. Although difficult to hear while grieving, I truly feel blessed to know that my brother touched so many people's lives in his short time here with us. It was amazing how many people came forth and shared their memories of him. Your posting has put into words so many of the things that have been on my mind since Michael's death. Grief is difficult enough. I can't imagine how difficult it must been in public when everyone seems to have an opinion. I hope his family can find time to grieve in private and that people close to Michael are able to share their special moments and memory of him with his children. One of your previous posters put it well - chosen by God much too soon.

[Diana Bianchini - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for your post and sharing your loss and sympathies. I am sorry you lost your brother too. Since I wrote this post, I have felt so uplifted and supported by such kind words as yours. You and I know that the pain never ends but I know the courage to share our feelings on grief and loss can help so many and so much. -Diana

[blaqntelligence]

I would like to join my fellow readers first to offer my condolences for your loss and to say thank you for such a beautiful piece on Michael Jackson.
You are so correct, we are still crying.
I lost my father 2/2008. He was not a world-class entertainer. He was not a mover and shaker in any industry.
He was a Black man from Mississippi with a 6th grade education who kept us fed and clothed as a janitor.
But he was our world.
He taught us honesty and loyalty and values.
A man rock-solid in his belief in God.
A man whose word you could bank on.
A true Southern Gentleman who taught his sons how to be men and his daughters what to expect from a man.
My father, your brother, Michael Jackson...­...
God has His pick of anyone He chooses and he chose these special people.
I'm torn between crying unfair, and feeling blessed that God chose them.

[Diana Bianchini - Huffpost Blogger]

Ahh I feel the same way..chose­n but missed far too much. Thank you for your post.-Dian­a

[aliberlin]

At last, an eloquent, honorable and heartfelt tribute to the tenderness and intimacy of death and family. Diana, your courage and raw expression made an indelible impact on me, changing my perception and enhancing my level of sensitivity. Thanks for the immeasurable reminder of our humanity, mortality and unity. You feel more alive than ever through this piece. Love, Ali

[Diana Bianchini - Huffpost Blogger]

Ali, Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post. Sharing this piece here has helped me share more with myself. Your unconditional support and love I feel and am grateful.-­Diana

[rsprags]

Diana I am sorry to read about your loss and pray for continued healing as well; thanks for the empathy shown here to the Jackson children, siblings, and parents. I loss my son back in 2001 as well so I have great empathy with the loss of Michael toward this family as a mother who lost a son. I have lost a brother when he was 12 and I was 8 so I understand to a degree the loss the sibling or feeling. This is a very difficult time for the Jackson Family and it is a time when many as you said and will continue to as with the loss of my son Joseph and your brother Brian - people will come forth to tell them what a great person Michael was in his quiet person life and business dealing. As you stated, the world continue to mourn Michael's death; I'm praying the children, sibling, parents, family and friends/fans have this time to grieve & heal in private! Thank you for a sensitive and beautiful article.

[DianaMB]

Thank you very much for taking the time to comment on my post and for sharing your loss, pain and path of healing. I am sorry for your losses. Anyone who has experienced such loss know that the pain never goes away. It is amazing how resilient and loving people remain with each other and all of what we go through but never alone. Be well.-Dian­a