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Diana Butler Bass

Diana Butler Bass

Posted: August 5, 2010 07:02 AM

The Real Housewives of Proverbs 31

What's Your Reaction:

As a working mother who lives in the Washington-metro area, I admit that I'm dreading Bravo's new program The Real Housewives of D.C. (begins August 5). I took some comfort in the Washington Post's scathing advance review of it:

Every word of the title is wrong, except "the" and "of."

Real: What can that even mean anymore?

Housewives: Remember when that bordered on slur? The surgically taut eyes of certain Real Housewives must ache from wink-winking every time Bravo has them say the name of the show.

D.C.: Always the ultimate artificial no place ...

What woman in her right mind would submit to this charade?

Bravo's botox-injected shouting match that makes women look like idiots is coming to my town. In their defense, Bravo insists that the D.C. series will have more intellectual and political content, being socially relevant. But I doubt it. Bravo, which used to toy with cultural irony regarding materialism now cloys us with "real" Lindsey Lohans (sans the talent) and slightly better-educated Snookies as a way to boost the ratings.

I'm no snob when it comes to reality TV. I love Top Chef (also Bravo) and confess to have sobbed more than a few times while watching The Biggest Loser -- both of which actually have some moral content. What is the point of the Real Housewives? Is this pure escapism? Is it an alternative reality for recession-weary women? A mirror into middle-class aspirations? What women secretly wish to be?

Whatever it is intended to be (my tween daughter says that it is only supposed to be "funny"), the main problem with the Real Housewives franchise is that it depicts women using stereotypes in a way to entertain that, if inflicted on any racial or ethnic group, would give rise to legal action, boycotts, and public outcry. It pictures women as grown-up mean girls, the sort everyone hated in high school and who have now parleyed their cruel social climbing to the bigger stages of New York, Los Angeles, Atlanta, and D.C. The shows denigrate women by implying that they get ahead by being materialistic gossips and marrying the right men. Even the criticism lends itself to demeaning women. Example? The mostly-liberal Washington Post likens the word "housewife" to a "slur" and asks what woman would "submit" to the being on such a show.

Excuse me, both Bravo and WaPo, but "housewife" is neither glam-reality nor a slur, especially in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. And women here are not the submissive type. Washington women toil at raising their children, work at home and in offices, run businesses and the federal government, volunteer at non-profits and serve in religious communities. The real women of D.C. spend their time caring for others, nurturing the next generation, and trying to make the world a better place. We sit in traffic jams and on corporate boards. We are creative, energetic, busy, and often overwhelmed. And, for what it is worth, we are too invested in working hard and doing good to spend even an hour watching a show that does not come close to the reality of our lives.

When I think of my D.C. housewife/mom friends and neighbors (who are politically and theologically liberal and conservative; who are Christians, Jews, Muslims, and secularists), I do not think of some faux-Hollywood glamour. Instead, they bring to mind the description of the good wife of Proverbs 31. Although this passage is often hijacked by conservative Christians to keep women "in their place," it is a surprisingly apt description of contemporary women -- and most especially, religious feminists. In the words of the writer of Proverbs, the "capable" wife "works with willing hands" and "rises while it is still night and provides food for her household." She is savvy, charitable, just, creative, strong, and dignified; and she "opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." She "looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness."

The Real Housewives of Proverbs 31? It would be closer to reality than any of the Bravo celebri-wives, who make a mockery of the ancient wise words "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Could that be the actual point Bravo is trying to make? Maybe. But I suspect not.

Read more at Diana's Beliefnet blog.

 
 
 

Follow Diana Butler Bass on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dianabutlerbass

As a working mother who lives in the Washington-metro area, I admit that I'm dreading Bravo's new program The Real Housewives of D.C. (begins August 5). I took some comfort in the Washington Post's s...
As a working mother who lives in the Washington-metro area, I admit that I'm dreading Bravo's new program The Real Housewives of D.C. (begins August 5). I took some comfort in the Washington Post's s...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
TheWM
aka The Wrong Monkey
11:45 AM on 08/07/2010
I just had an idea for a reality show: a show following people who watch a whole lot of TV. Is there a show like that already? Would that be too real for TV?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
isee61
~Marine Mom~ and proud of it!
01:17 AM on 08/07/2010
Anybody that watches this crap on TV really needs to get out more often or get a life. These females are horrible. and I've only watched the previews. Ugh!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
dblan9
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03:48 PM on 08/06/2010
Im sorry to admit but these are housewives. This is the new world we live in. Look around you next time you go to dinner and notice all the people that resemble these shows. men and women alike are as fake as these shows. I cant judge because at the end of the month when the electric bill is due I wish I was a pretty girl too sometimes.
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11:46 PM on 08/06/2010
Dont be fooled, everyone else you know (who isnt homeless, or a child) pays their electric bill. the people you see in the fancy restaurant are just putting on a show of their own. the thing to be sad about is that the examples for playing dress up and having some fun, are of terrible people. So thats how the people act. if we ever saw the drama that follows someone just trying to pay their electric bill, then we could see someone who doesnt have things go their way because of the way the look. there is only one thing that the power company wants in order to turn your lights back on....and its not knowing how much your shoes cost. its paying them, which only responsible adults do. In your own home, you dont have to be the prettiest in the room to be the most respected. You do have to pay your electric bill though; otherwise no one would be in that room. So, congrats in getting that far.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
faithnj
06:13 AM on 08/07/2010
faved & fanned for thinking that through.
squat6971
59 *was* divine -- 60? not so much
02:35 PM on 08/06/2010
These women aren't "housewives".
And they certainly aren't "real".

And Proverbs 31 is a bunch of Hoohah.

Now back to your regularly scheduled "Tea Time for Bonzo"
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
myjoyy
05:25 PM on 08/08/2010
A "bunch of Hoohah" to you. A great example to follow for others.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Bama Honey
11:27 PM on 08/12/2010
It certainly is. There is nothing wrong or negative about following Proverbs 31. Any woman who does these things will certainly have an easier and happier life and be pleasing to God and her family.
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DRaymond
Network administrator, voiceovers
04:41 AM on 08/06/2010
I must admit that the shows that feel that they have to put Real in their title have the least to do with what anybody considers reality.

And it may be worth pointing out for those not intimately familiar with the bible is that Proverbs only has 31 verses. This praise of the virtues of women was meant to be the big idea they ended with.
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02:45 AM on 08/06/2010
OMG I only realized by reading this, that your Proverbs 31 is our Aishet Chayil!! That's right--a song we sing after Friday night services and right before Shabbat dinner, that embraces the "woman of the valor", who has most likely prepared the feast. If a woman didn't prepare it, the song is still sung. It's basically de rigeur.

Here it is in the original Hebrew, and translated into English, w/audio of the song: http://www.chabad.org/multimedia/media_cdo/aid/265772/jewish/Eishes-Chayil.htm

You can go to You Tube to hear lots of other versions though, from traditional to alternative....

(phonetic spellings differ, from Aishet to Aishes to Eishet to Eishes)
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mortifyd
10:38 PM on 08/06/2010
Took me a minute to realise it was Aishes Chayil too!
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05:23 PM on 08/07/2010
I know, right Mortifyd??? I mean, it's not like they say to us as they teach us that song, "And here's a little ditty the Xians call Proverbs 31" or anything!!! ;-)
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Naazish YarKhan
08:55 PM on 08/05/2010
Good article!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
StealGeorgia
05:28 PM on 08/05/2010
Oh ug. Just stop with the 'reality' shows and bad behaviour.

What we need is a good horse opera.

Bring Back Firefly!!!!

Air "Doctor Horrible"
03:38 PM on 08/05/2010
Great article presenting the real description of women in the Book. It's refreshing to see a positive presentation on what real women are about. The woman in Proverbs takes second place to no one. Again, great article. The virtuous woman of Pro. 31 IS the woman of power, status and confidence. So much for the false stereotypes.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
nkadzi
11:55 AM on 08/06/2010
Did she not have slaves to help her achieve her goals of the virtuous wife?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mortifyd
10:39 PM on 08/06/2010
No... why would you think that?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mortifyd
01:59 AM on 08/07/2010
Servant girls does NOT automatically mean slave. Geez.
02:34 PM on 08/05/2010
Seriously... why don't they call all these shows "Rich Housewives of..."
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SayBlade
This micro bio intentionally left blank.
01:57 PM on 08/05/2010
A reading of Proverbs 31:10-31 calls on a wife to be a lot of things. It also calls on her husband, family, staff and the community to respect and value her and her work and to compensate her generously. There is also a hint on why women should have excellent educational opportunities.

A paraphrase -

A wife is precious, trustworthy, good.
She is the purchasing department manager.
She is the catering department manager.
She is the human resources department manager.
She is a real estate procurement manager and manages the landscaping department.
She is physically fit and active.
She is a manufacturing expert.
She cares about the less fortunate.
She is confident, cool and collected.
She clothes herself and her employees in quality clothing.
Her husband maintains his good reputation and therefore hers.
She manufactures quality goods.
She projects strength and confidence.
She is well-educated and wise.
She runs her household well.
Her husband and children respect women, but pay particular respect to her and praise her.
She may be charming and beautiful, but the most important thing is that she reveres God.
Ensure that she is well paid for her work and highly respected in the community.

If she is all these things with a husband and family, there is good reason to expect that without the husband and family she would be the same.
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10:08 PM on 08/05/2010
Well written SayBlade, you have a good grasp of the bible, along with reason.

Your mention of "quality clothing", may be from your practical nature, and possibly as a good judge of good (quality) charater, and not about designer duds. I guess Billy Joel would say "Park Avenue Clothes"....its "uptown girl" before marriage and "big shot" during/after.

"This" is the reason God was unhappy with Solomon, he kept chasing "goddesses"; outside nice but inside, not so nice (far from God). In order to keep the 500 babes in splender, it took a lot of taxes, which eventually broke-up the nation. (There's a lot of hungry people out there)

The only thing worthwhile in the article was "Charm is decietful, and Beauty is vain".
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
nkadzi
11:56 AM on 08/06/2010
And she had slave girls to help her!!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mortifyd
10:40 PM on 08/06/2010
Where are you coming up with this rubbish?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mortifyd
07:02 PM on 08/07/2010
I read Hebrew - do you?
01:40 PM on 08/05/2010
Thanks, nice article. This liberal Buddhist Colorado housewife is tired of "housewife" being a dirty word.
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Larry Motuz
Lawless markets lead ill-gotten gains.
12:48 PM on 08/05/2010
Misogyny:the idea that all women are dumb objects, and the promotion of that viewpoint through cultural vapidity.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
faithnj
12:29 PM on 08/05/2010
The Real Housewives of Proverbs 31??? Now THAT is a reality show I'd like to see! Bravo to Bass...but not so much to the Bravo Channel.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
nkadzi
11:26 PM on 08/06/2010
The real housewives of Proverbs 31 will collapse due to fatigue, unless if they hire maidservants!!
12:18 PM on 08/05/2010
Thanks for reminding us that even for us non-Christians, even in a book with a lot of things we disagree with, there is much of value to be found in the scriptures of religions that have been accumulating human wisdom for milenia.