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Diana Falzone

Diana Falzone

Posted March 12, 2009 | 02:53 PM (EST)

The Lost Art of Being a Lady


INTRODUCTION

When one thinks of the word "lady" immediately the image of Audrey Hepburn appears. She's sophisticated, charming, and refined. Never would you see her appear on a salacious reality show like, "The Bad Girls Club." She is the antithesis of today's pop culture female icon that appears in homemade sex tapes and Girls Gone Wild videos. The lady is no longer en vogue. It is deemed as more attractive to be in the spotlight at whatever cost then to mind your manners; therefore, the lady is at risk of becoming extinct. The days of Jackie O. are over. So, let's reinvent the idea of who a lady is; she can be a rock and roll chick, a hipster, a college student, a socialite, a business woman or any other type of female. A lady is someone who carries herself with class, elegance, and respect for herself and others. We can throw away the white gloves and pill-box hat and create today's modern day lady.

On my talk show, "Cosmolicious with Diana," on Cosmo Radio Sirius XM, I posed a question to my female listeners, "Are there any ladies left?" Immediately, the phones lit up. I couldn't believe the reaction from the callers. Many women expressed their disdain of seeing women scantily clad, screaming profanities on television in a quest for the affection of Ray J, Bret Michaels, or Flava Flav. They seemed to be confused by these women's behavior. A caller from Florida said, "How do these girls think it's attractive to be showing T&A while slapping another girl in the face? Men don't want to bring that home to mom." On the other hand, several female callers felt it was their equal opportunity right to express themselves however they saw fit whether it was cursing, belching, or giving a lap dance in public. One caller from Iowa stated, "My boyfriend and I have burping contests at restaurants. He doesn't care. He thinks it's funny. Let people look." Yet, the majority of the calls were insisting we needed to bring back the art of being a lady.

In order to bring back the lady, we need to stop reinforcing the thought that being a lady means being less of an independent woman. We seem to forget that through certain actions like fist-fighting, screaming, and promiscuity we are perpetuating the misogynistic myth that being a today's woman means embracing your sexuality in a vulgar and explicit way, nor do we have to leave our etiquette at the door. As women we've fought so hard to get a membership in the Boy's Club but why do we have to adapt our behavior to that of a frat guy. Have you ever once gone on a date with a man who was crude and thought; "Now he's super attractive?" I'm guessing your shaking your head no. Well, the same goes for females. It doesn't take any energy to stop cursing and replace the infamous "F" word with something that can show off your more extensive vocabulary; that one little change can bring you much more respect. Or how about controlling your alcohol intake when on a date or with coworkers. It's true that liquor is a social lubricant but put the drink down before you're past the point of no return. It's not hot to be wall posting about your crazy out of control night once you exit college. Maybe these small edits seem trivial, yet the difference they make is tremendous. Your reputation is everything. Do you want to be remembered as the loud-mouth party girl when it comes time for that important job interview or the lady who can rise to any and all occasions?

We are in a new era; a time where change is happening. It's time for women to make a change. Let's recreate and revise our generation's vision of what a lady is.

 
 
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01:00 AM on 03/16/2009
Being a feminist and lady are mutually exclusive but also very compatible.

Being a lady (like a gentleman) is about being able to use one's charms, education (notice I didn't say college training or degree) and non-vulgar behavior as a lubricant for social relations. It's a form of social diplomacy and it demonstrates a lot more intelligence that the base behavior our culture so adores.
10:12 PM on 03/15/2009
The power of Women is not found in their sexuality, it resides in their intellect and intuition. Their strength is born in their hearts, and not just love and compassion but, also their courage and honor.

Sexuality is a device of Nature. It should not be the sole motivation of a woman. Modern understanding has taught us, though the ideals of being Lady-Like and being a Lady may advance with society’s progress, women shall always be recognized and remembered for their character, beyond their appearance.

Yet the development of character diminishes when women are too often defined solely by their image, as are our women in today’s society, with so few in this era in touch with the intimate details of themselves.

If you don’t invest your life into developing your character, how will you ever truly know who you are? A reputation means little without a conscience. In defense of the kids today, how do you expect them to understand the concept of etiquette with the garbage the media and our education system is feeding them on a daily basis?
02:25 PM on 03/15/2009
I'm 56 and work as a nurse in a nursing home. And I think that the oldest generation of "ladies" is perhaps the last of them. They never fail to say "thank you". They always try to make you feel comfortable and at home. They went through the depression and WW II, And they had terrible troubles and horrible things happen in their lives. They worked hard (a lot of my residents are farm wives) raised their children, and stayed married to the same man until one of them dies. They are very thankful, always polite, and tactful (most of the time, lol). My generation, the children of the 60s and 70s has lost some of the lady like traits. Because I interact with these ladies and gentlemen deaily, it makes me a better person. I mind my manners better, I call them "ma'am and sir", and try to be as polite as they are.
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RachelMc
01:06 AM on 03/19/2009
i know plenty of old women who are not like those u described. as many as u can recall that are pleasant and respectful and "lady-like" i can show just as many that are not. and im not lying because i've worked in plenty or retail stores in some states and the mean, rude and sometimes just plain old racist old ladies are always there bright and early and every generation has those types so i resent the fact that u think that those u see in the nursing home are the last of "ladies"
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RachelMc
01:07 AM on 03/19/2009
i know plenty of old women who are not like those u described. as many as u can recall that are pleasant and respectful and "lady-like" i can show just as many that are not. and im not lying because i've worked in plenty or retail stores in some states and the mean, rude and sometimes just plain old rac1st old ladies are always there bright and early and every generation has those types so i resent the fact that u think that those u see in the nursing home are the last of "ladies"
04:57 PM on 03/13/2009
In reading through everyone's posts, you can find similar and singular ideas about what a lady is and/or how she behaves. Perhaps one conclusion is that you know a lady when you see one.
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mcthfg
02:54 PM on 03/13/2009
Whatever.

The only thing the word "lady" brings to mind is greed. A "lady" is someone who expects things to be done for her.

Outdated idea, outdated word.
06:35 PM on 03/14/2009
Since when are good manners the same thing as greed?
10:39 AM on 03/13/2009
MICHELLE. OBAMA.
05:44 AM on 03/15/2009
Yeah, my first thought too.
09:49 AM on 03/13/2009
And what about gentlemen? How many men are "true gentlemen" these days? They exist, just like "ladies" do, but are also fewer. I don't think this is a women's only issue. But I don't think one should look back too much, at the time when women were all ladies, there was plenty of female oppression going on and at least now women are free to be themselves. Some are naturally more lady-like, others not so much...
05:51 PM on 03/14/2009
Totally agree. What you're really talking about here is 'manners'. Not etiquette, not particular class behaviours, not rigid gender roles, just good manners. A valuable and sadly rare attribute among men, women, young and old.
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robXdion
Because someone has to say it.
11:20 AM on 03/20/2009
Because when the gentleman act "gentlemanly" short-sighted women call them weak, dull, sexist, and other nonsense feminism has fed into their small impressionable minds. Women ruined the gentleman's code on their own.
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MotherLodeBeth
California French lifestyle
11:50 PM on 03/12/2009
If its true that owners start to look like their dogs, then maybe its true that women become whom they have in their life. Since Ms/Mrs Obama became First Lady I have seen a change even in this tight economy, on how young women under the age of thirty dress. And she is also showing what a young girl can look like and still be empowered, by how her two daughters dress and act.

While they are not young women I think women like Tyra Banks, Oprah, Rachel Ray also show what a lady is. Perhaps it depends on where one lives? My area of California has a lot of young and older women like the women I have mentioned. As well as a lot of Audrey Hepburn fans.
11:17 PM on 03/12/2009
A lady is to a woman as a gentleman is to a man.

Both are to be aspired to.

It's too bad that so many people are confused about this.
08:23 PM on 03/12/2009
I agree about some of the annoying women you describe. I don't like to see that on my TV so I change it. But as far as revising the definition of "what a lady is," I think you're missing the bigger picture. Typically, the "behave like a lady" notion has had the implication that there are some standards which society deemed appropriate for women and therefore they should live by those standards. I don't think that calling someone a lady is taking their independence from them, rather it is tied to what a society thinks is the right way for a woman to behave. A big part of the women's movement is about choice. If some women want to behave like frat boys and "embrace their sexuality in a vulgar and explicit way" then so be it. If you don't like the vulgarity, then that's fine. Don't, however, blame women's behavior for men's misogynism. Men are responsible for their own behavior.
08:15 PM on 03/12/2009
And let's not talk just about the ladies....
What about the young men...and this has been the style for many years...
wearing their jeans so far down their bodies that their rears are showing..
I think someone posted about the girls this way too..

Funny but newly elected President Obama already has chimed in telling guys
to wear their pants the right way.
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noralou
"eschew obfuscation"
07:37 PM on 03/12/2009
F**k being a lady -- "I am woman, hear me roar!"

Or as my mother, who was raised a feminist (born in 1921) used to say: Uppity Women Unite!
06:36 PM on 03/14/2009
There is nothing inherently incompatible between feminism and good manners.
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dav ram58
07:12 PM on 03/12/2009
Here's something else to write about. Why are the vast majority of women attracted to scroungy guys? I see so many beautiful women, dressed really great and looking hot, and they're walking along side a guy with his cap on backwards, a dirty t-shirt, cargo shorts and flip-flops. From celebrity women on down. It amazes me! Why?
08:04 PM on 03/12/2009
Now you are talkin:)

I wonder if some women go through a "bad boy" phase?
Don't understand why but it seems to occur all the time.
And maybe some women never grow up and grow out of it?
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antaeus
Marriage Equality Is Here
08:05 PM on 03/12/2009
Maybe because some of those "hot" looking gals aren't quite as put together as you imagine. I put my foot in it when my neighbor came out on a Sunday morning dressed in what I thought was gym wear: bare midriff, velour running suit, trainers on her feet. I cheerfully asked, "Going to work out?" She looked stricken and informed me she was on her way to have brunch at one of L.A.'s nicest restaurants with her best girlfriends. Ouch. She did look hot, I'll give you that. But fancy Sunday-morning brunch worthy?
06:47 PM on 03/12/2009
Many women lack independent thought. The keep up with the Joneses mentality is self-destructive for our women because most of them gauge the desirability of a male based solely on the perceived ability of the male to attract other females, and not on their personal attraction, irrespective of status.
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SILVANUS
Moving to Italy indefinitely. God Bless All.
06:40 PM on 03/12/2009
Good article.

Now for one about 'gentlemen' in this age of Armani-clad American Psycho scoundrels, rap-invented thuglets, and froggy, foul, greedy white men.