What Happened To Kim & Kris? Three Lessons From A Celebrity Flame Out Marriage

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries' celebrity marriage lasted exactly 72 days. After a huge blow-out "fairy tale" wedding and all the fanfare on TV and in the tabloids, the marriage lasted less than three months. What happened? And what relationship lessons can be learned?

Flame-out marriages a la Kim and Kris often come about because of unique and powerful pressures in celebrity marriages -- pressures that are not apparent to the public. Kim has even said that conditions were "not ideal" for her relationship. Here are a few of the problems:

The celebs know each other partly through their celebrity identities, so they are not seeing each other as they really are in their everyday lives in a clear way. For example, Kim projected a thoughtful, caretaking, relationship-focused identity to the public by staying with her mom during face lift surgery on their reality show. Kris may have partly fallen in love with that projected aspect of Kim. But the fact that she filed for divorce from Kris after a couple of months without even trying marital therapy suggests that this may not be a strong trait for Kim in her day-to-day life.

A celebrity courtship always brings additional attention and fame, which fuels dopamine, the exciting over-the-moon infatuation biochemical. But when you remove the heightened spotlight the dopamine may disappear, which means partners are just not "feeling it" for each other. The true nature of the one-on-one relationship seems disappointing in comparison to how it all felt before. If the partners are not truly committed to working on their relationship, this can lead to a break up. Thus celebs like Kim can go from "fairy tale wedding" fireworks right down into the dark pit of divorce.

Also, one celeb partner may be less famous and find that marrying a bigger celebrity is a big perk to their career. Enjoying this, they may talk themselves into thinking that the relationship has a more solid foundation than it really does. Perhaps this is the dynamic that Kris fell into with Kim -- the bigger celebrity in the relationship.

Although I don't know Kim or Kris personally, these are some of the powerful factors that are often at play in celebrity marriages that quickly flame out and become celebrity divorces.

Other factors that affect celebs and non-celebs alike may have been a factor in this quickie divorce. One might be a lack of discussion about future plans and dreams. Spouses need to be on the same page about the life they would like to create together. It seemed that this was not happening with K & K. For example, in the media, Kris indicated that he would like to live in his native Minnesota. Kim did not see this as part of her celebrity lifestyle.

Also, there was evidence of contempt in their interactions, which is a death knell for love. For example, in one media report Kris said to Kim that by the time they were ready to have children, no one would know who she was. To envision your partner as losing all that they have worked hard to achieve (in this case, fame) and reference that failure is a contemptuous action. This does not lead to fairy tale endings.

No matter how it happens, divorce is never easy, whether you are a celebrity or not. So to avoid a flame out divorce, here are three relationship lesson take-aways:

1. Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page about your future. Take time to dream and talk together about it. Come to a win-win vision of what you will create together.


2. Don't let contemptuous comments be routine in your relationship. Eye-rolling, putting each other down, and name-calling are all unacceptable and will kill the love between you.


3. Lastly, ensure that your relationship comes before work success.

And if you happen to be in a couple who are in the spotlight together or working all the time, make sure you take time to decompress and get to know each other in a real deep way. This way, you can have both the fairy tale beginning and the happy ending too.

 

Follow Diana Kirschner on Twitter: www.twitter.com/drdiana

Comments

[TheFlowerChild]

02:41 AM on 11/12/2011

What happened was Kim got PAID lol and you're right we don't exactly care.

[maybesomeday]

01:44 AM on 11/12/2011

Personally I don't think anyone truly cares that the relationship didn't work out. That happens all the time. The truth is from reading comments for the past 2 weeks is that they made $17 million dollars off of it. That is was a scam perpetuated by Mommy Dearest Kris. Kim could have stopped it BEFORE it happened but she didn't. She found making the money far more lucrative than stopping what she already knew wasn't right. She scammed the country. I hope Kris Humphries made a lot of money off of that wedding unless of course he was in on the scam too.

We will never know. It's time for us to stop watching and endorsing whatever it is they are selling. It's just that simple. Good words of advice though for anyone who is truly in love and contemplating a marriage. But that is just not the case with KK and her fairytale wedding. She forgot one thing, that wedding was just a party, the marriage was the work.

[brideprincess]

06:48 PM on 11/11/2011

It would also help if these "celebrities" would take the time to get to know each other before rushing down the aisle, just so they can have a wedding and get presents! There's more to being married than the wedding, and there are so many people out there who forget that important detail, i.e. the aptly-named "Bridezillas". I truly believe that people should not be granted a wedding license without being together for at least 3-years. It just seems that people don't take their vows seriously, they act like marriage is the same as dating, and just as easy to get out of. Marriage takes effort! And no, you aren't going to feel like you're madly in love every single minute of every single day, so before you walk down the aisle, you better ask yourself if this is a person you can live without before making such a huge commitment! If the thought of losing your partner is incomprehensible and fills you with crushing grief, then they may be the right one. If the thought of losing them doesn't cause all that much distress, then don't waste anyone's time and money any further by dragging them out to a doomed wedding.

[shortguy54]

07:11 AM on 11/11/2011

You are taking this sham far too seriously!

[Sam D man]

09:39 PM on 11/10/2011

What happened is very simple.And here it is.Kris found out that Kim was damaged goods.He was on his way to file for divorce but Kim beat him to court first.In the prenup there was a clause for Kris stating that he had up to 90 days to return the merchandise if deem defective.In his case it wasn't only defective and malfuntional;it was damaged goods by a long shoot.Case close and there you have it folks.And you heard it first from SAM_D_MAN !!!!!!

[vickieb48054]

12:02 PM on 11/10/2011

If you watch her for only a few minutes, it is immediately clear she is very selfish and self-serving. Poor Kris never had a chance. He might not have had a "filter", but she has never had any class.

[rjcrawford33]

01:50 AM on 11/11/2011

So true. If you look at her expression, there is nothing but stupidity behind the vacant eyes. We are wasting our time even thinking about her.

[rjcrawford33]

08:43 AM on 11/10/2011

Wow, not only does this prove nothing about why we should care, but the lessons are unrelated to all that celebrity nonsense.

[ahardy13]

07:55 AM on 11/10/2011

The marriage shouldnt have never happened; It WAS a farce - 10 mil. was invested and 15 mil. was made., not to mention no one will ever marry Kim for love - she has too many issues going on and her mother is pimping all of them out for publicity and money

[Dahveed1]

11:57 PM on 11/09/2011

You forgot the most important rule - Never give your gift to the celeb couple until the 1st anniversary just so you know the wedding wasn't a complete sham.

[bellasol1124]

09:20 PM on 11/09/2011

This is the best piece of information about the Kardashian/Humphries marriage that I have read. It really lends itself to seeing the ego that accompanies both sides. At this rate, Kim will never enjoy a happy marriage!

[olddaps]

08:51 PM on 11/09/2011

This is a joke , right? Like-- some kind of 'satire'???

[kaysquare]

07:41 PM on 11/09/2011

Oh heck, the only lessons learned from Kim's marriage & subsequent divorce, is that the Kardashians will do ANYTHING to get publicity & make a buck. Some things never change.

[Mimifivefive]

06:28 PM on 11/09/2011

The whole basis for this article assumes that the "marraige" was actually real in any way, not a planned event scripted for a reality show.

[richjack4]

06:17 PM on 11/09/2011

Who are you? What are your credentials to give such an analysis? As an ex homicide investigator you're totally off the mark. Tell me, other than this what would keep her in the 'news' to an extent tha would economically benefit her? Still don't know her or her families talents other than big butts and keeping themselves in the news.

[dwightmlee]

05:49 PM on 11/09/2011

Kim help us=
• How do we cure world hunger?
• How do we find world peace?
• How does every man woman and child get to live in freedom?
Friggin' genius, answer me!!