Indulging in financial self-soothing following the stressful divorce process is the reward that many women seek in the days after that Final Judgment is received. Justified trips to Cancun, rationalized days at the spa, and country club memberships are the delicious luxuries we seek, when soothing our aching hearts. However, if your wallet can't handle the expenses related to these self-soothing escapades, or if your personality is just to fiscally responsible to indulge in excesses that exceed your budget, try a few of these simple, inexpensive style-boosters to treat yourself! According to make-up artist, Maria Gravier of mcamakeup.com, "a simple style change can create a whole new image, and for a woman going through divorce, creating her new identity can be critical to her taking control of her new life and moving forward." Gravier, who often works with women following the throes of a break-up, offers the following Do's and Don'ts tips for DIY beauty makeovers that won't break your bank:
Do's and Don'ts:
Hair -- A break up can cast a lot of self-doubt and insecurities about your appearance. Most women dislike what is often their best asset, declaring that it's too short, too long, too straight or too curly. Your hair style can say a lot about you. It can say, "I'm edgy," "I'm preppy," "I'm sporty," or "I'm lazy!" For a fast and easy change, DO try something new! If you can afford to visit the salon, seek professional help to find a new style. Or, DIY-seekers can visit their local drugstore for bold, new hair colors and deep conditioning treatments such as Tresemme or Matrix. Turning your dull, lifeless hair into a silky, lively head of locks will build your confidence and self-esteem ... and just may get heads turning! Caution: DON'T go drastically overboard! There's a fine line between bringing out your inner beauty and going beyond recognition!
Skin -- If the stresses of your divorce are causing teenage-like breakouts, change your cleansing regimen. DO soothe your skin with a relaxing DIY mud mask (try Queen Helene, available at most drug stores) or homemade exfoliating scrub made with sugar, lemon juice and coffee grinds (fantastic for removing dead skin and unclogging pores!) Hydrate your skin with lots of water, reducing those fine lines and wrinkles. To get an overall glow, try a salt or sugar scrub all over your body and hands. DON'T go to bed without completely cleansing your face, since make up overnight will clog your pores and allows bacteria to build up on your skin. Tip: Include cosmetic wipes in your beauty routine before bed.
Eyes -- These are the windows to your soul. Sufficient sleep will help to keep your eyes bright, but when that's impossible, try DIY tricks like cucumbers or ice cubes to keep the puffiness at bay. DO play around with different color palettes to try-out new looks for your eyes. For a sexy eye, stroke a neutral, soft eye shadow across your lid and brush one coat of dark mascara on your lashes. For a dramatic eye, smoke it out... smudge the color in an upward motion in the outer corners of your eyes, creating a sultry look. DON'T overuse rough, dark eyeliner, which might make you look angry or haggard.
Lips -- For inviting, kissable lips, DO keep them hydrated! Look for your favorite flavor lip balm, and find your go-to color. Think soft rosy pink's as they work perfect for every outfit. MAC, Dior, Chanel, Clinique, and Estee Lauder have delicious moisturizing lipsticks in both mattes and high gloss colors. DON'T overdo the lipliner! Match the color of the liner to the color of your lipstick to reinforce its longevity on your lips. DO keep your lips soft with a quick-and-easy home remedy: using a soft toothbrush with a little sugar or salt, gently rotating in circle motions over your lips to keep them smooth and supple.
Body -- Has the break-up made you feel listless and lazy? DO find some "me-time" every day to do something physical that boosts your adrenaline and endorphins. Walk, jog, run or ride a bike to get your heart pumping and clear your mind. DON'T overdo it by setting your expectations too high and setting yourself up for failure.
Additionally, author, Tamsen Fadal, author of the soon-to-be-released, The New Single (St. Martins Press, May 2015), offers the following advice for women, who are getting over a relationship and getting ready for a new one. Fadal suggests, "Once you start to date again follow these tips:"
Do not get physical too soon -- There have been countless studies and facts and figures about how women get attached to a man they are physical with. But, you don't need a study or a cuddle hormone or a scientist to tell you if you move too fast for you it's not going to work. Period.
Go slowly -- Keep the phone calls short. Don't go from 0 to 60 in terms of how often you see him. Don't think that everything is urgent. You are newly single. You are not going to get this time back. Usually in a relationship, the beginning is the most exciting. So, try to keep that as long as possible.
Be on your time schedule - not on the other persons' -- You have to be on your own time schedule. You cannot let someone else's love dictate yours. Only you know when you are ready to move to the next step. If you do it too soon, you will both lose. Be prepared to be honest. Perhaps even hurt his feelings initially. But, don't lead someone on for fear of losing them or being honest with them. In order to blossom in a relationship, first you have to grow on your own.
Be okay if it doesn't work out -- I hope more than anything in the world the new relationship you are about to embark on is going to work. In fact, I have all the faith in the world that you have set your boundaries, fell back in love with yourself and made sure you are ready to be out there again. But, if by chance this coupledom doesn't work out. It is okay. In fact, it is better than ok. Every new person you date or have several dates with will not be in the one. It is statistically impossible. It is universally improbably. Enjoy the time. Live in the moments. But be okay if it doesn't work out and you are posting your profile back on match.com, because it's simply O-K.
Stop comparing this to your old relationship -- It's not easy. In fact, no matter how much time goes by, it is nearly impossible. But if you have any interest at all in moving to the next place in your life, you have to stop comparing the new person to the old person. It seems obvious. We all know it's a bad idea and will never end well.
Move On If It's Not Working -- Moving on is the kindest thing you can do for someone rather than stay somewhere that you don't want to be. False pride has no place in a relationship. Leave it at the door so that you can decide where you want to be.
The period following divorce and breakups is often when you feel most vulnerable. Self-doubt, self-worth and instability may be rocking your world. Follow the advice of Gravier and Fadal to help you through these difficult times.