I am 8 months pregnant with my first child and have had people tell me some amazing things about pregnancy and having a baby. I have also had the pleasure of hearing some true gems from people who have said not so wonderful things. I am completely baffled by the kinds of comments people think are acceptable to make to a pregnant person! So much so that I've found it necessary to create, in infinite cyber space, a list of what I believe to be inappropriate, d-bag things to say to a pregnant person and what goes through my mind (and likely any pregnant woman's) when I hear the following:
1. "I am convinced you're having twins." "Are you sure you're not having twins?" "You look like you're having twins." Any variation of predicting twins.
No I am not having twins for the 17th time. I've been through about 20 ultrasounds and there are only two heart beats -- mine and the kid's. I promise, you would know by now if I was having twins. But thanks for letting me know I look huge.
2. "Wow, big baby for 7 months!"
Um, thanks? I had no idea you had x-ray vision and could see my baby! The last I checked my doctor told me the baby is average height and weight. But since you clearly pointed out that I look too big for 7 months, I'll just say, "yea, he is a big boy..."
3. "She's gained more weight already than both of her sisters gained during their entire pregnancy!"
First of all, that's a lie. Second of all, I didn't know you were also a walking scale and the weight patrol! I am growing a human inside me, remember?!
4. "You look so tired! Haven't been getting much sleep?"
Actually, I finally got a good night's sleep last night. But thanks for telling me that I look like s*&%..
5. "It's okay to look like that, you're pregnant."
It actually took me a really long time to look presentable today but I guess I didn't pull it off. Thanks for making me feel pretty.
6. "It's okay, they say when you're having a girl you lose your looks."
I'm having a boy.
7. "I think it's time to wear maternity clothes now."
I didn't realize there was a point in time to wear maternity clothes. Also, I'm wearing maternity leggings and a maternity sweater.
8. "I knew you were pregnant! I even asked you! It was so obvious!"
This is wrong on so many levels. When you "knew" I was pregnant, I was 4 weeks along and I'm pretty sure no one "knew" except me, my hubby, and the stick I peed on. And how can I be "obviously pregnant?" What does that even mean? Are you just telling me that I've gained weight and so I must be pregnant?
9. "Oh gosh, I'll spare you the awful details of *insert anything pregnancy related.*"
You could have also spared me that one-liner.
10. And my all-time favorite: "Were you guys trying?"
So now, if I say yes, are you going to ask how long we tried, in what positions and how often? And what if I say no? Are you going to ask if we were drunk or if someone forgot to use protection?! Mind your business.
Appropriate things to say to a pregnant person:
1. "You look great!"
Even if I don't, tell me I do. Keep it simple and move on.
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