11/25/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

A Tale of Two Attacks on Campaign Volunteers

Within the last week, two female campaign volunteers, one for Obama, the other for McCain, have been attacked because of their political allegiances. The first incident happened last Saturday in Caledonia, WI, when 58 year-old Chicagoan Nancy Takehara was canvassing a residential neighborhood and was assaulted by an angry homeowner who is a McCain supporter. Takehara told a local news station that she was " the back of the neck" and that her attacker, who believed that she was affiliated with ACORN, "was pounding on my head and screaming." Her attacker has since admitted to grabbing Takehara's hair, and the police are investigating.

The second incident allegedly occurred Wednesday, when 20 year-old Ashley Todd of College Station, TX (my birthplace, wouldn't you know?), told police that she was mugged at an ATM by a black man in Pittsburgh, where Todd was volunteering at a McCain phone bank, and then beaten when her attacker saw that she had a McCain bumper sticker on her car. She also alleged that her attacker carved a "B" on her right cheek with a dull knife, which the McCain campaign's Pennsylvania Communications Director immediately told state reporters stood for "Barack," before all the facts were known about the assault.

Now, we don't stand for violence. Sure, sometimes we kid and say things like we're going to beat so-and-so's ass or cut a certain douchetard's dick off, but we are using hyperbole in those instances and--

Whoa. Wait a goddamn minute and hold the fuckin' phone bank.

This just in...

Today, Pittsburgh Assistant Police Chief Maurita Bryant told reporters that Todd has since admitted "...she was in her vehicle driving around, and she came up with this idea. She said she has prior mental problems and doesn't know how the backward letter 'B' got on her face." (Well, we'll tell you how that backwards "B" got on her face: she cut herself while looking in the mirror and is such a stupid twat that she didn't realize mirrors reverse images. Good job, DumbAsh!)

Meanwhile, the attack on Nancy Takehara was all too real. And, as we said before, committing physical violence against someone who holds a different opinion from your own is reprehensible and not to be tolerated under any circumstances.

Not that we wouldn't love to give that lying little shit Ashley a matching shiner right about now.

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