10/05/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Dear Governor Palin: Abort the Bump

Dear Governor,

Pardon us for being sexist, but can we talk about your hair for a sec? We realize you don't believe in aborting bumps and, as your people have already acknowledged, bumps happen, but WTB (WhatTheBump)? Are you hiding something in that lofty hair-nest of yours? Hockey mom-lipstick? Trig's burp cloth? Pencils?

Is this a small-town Wasilla thing? Something those of us in the Lower 48 wouldn't understand? Come to think of it, your hair bump bears more than a passing resemblance to a Baked Alaska:

Are you subfollically-messaging us that you are, like Baked Alaska, light and sweet on the outside, cool and composed on the inside?

Or perhaps your hair bump is a nod to the good ol' days, to a more wholesome America, to the bygone era of Gidget and Doris Day movies?

You know, before Gidget became a pesky union "organizer" (we know you hate that word) and the world discovered that Doris had been making pillow talk with a gay?

Whatever your reasons are for having it, the hair bump is mighty clever. We just happen to think it looks ridiculous and retro. And you're not ridiculous or retro, are you? You're Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska! Too down-to-earth to have a private jet or chef. A former beauty queen who's only the second woman ever to run on a major-party presidential ticket. A modern gal who's not only shown that you're of the People (magazine), but you're out to "serve the people."

So, how about starting that by getting in step with the times and aborting the bump?

God Tress America,